Empathy: Three
Steps to Managing Difficult Workplace Relationships
We spend a lot of our
lives at work. So it makes sense to acknowledge that a difficult workplace can
make life miserable. Often, there is a disruptive person at work that throws
the whole place off kilter. Coworkers feel miserable, angry, and frustrated.
They feel their creativity, productivity, and commitment drain away. They want
something to change but don’t know what steps to take and often just hope the
difficult worker changes. Which unfortunately never happens.
The Counterintuitive
Solution
But there is, in fact, a
way forward. It can seem counterintuitive and downright frustrating, but it’s
simple, and it works. The key is committing to it and entrusting the idea that
each individual has a responsibility to help make the workplace better.
The approach can be
summed up in just one word. Empathy. Empathy is the key to managing
difficult workplace relationships. And in this context it means really trying
to understand and appreciate the very person that you likely have the least
desire to think or care about. But when we look at what might be driving
disruptive individuals to act the way they do, we can begin to understand them,
empathize with them, and even begin to work better together with these three
steps.
Step 1: What
is the Pattern of Behavior?
Step one is trying to
nail down the individual’s pattern of behavior. What exactly is disruptive
about how they act? Maybe they are always overestimating their abilities and
blaming others for any shortcomings. Perhaps the person explodes whenever their
authority is threatened. Some difficult workers frustrate us by cutting corners
and always falling short on tasks—and then lying about it! et others are
a pain with their need for perfection, orderliness, and control.
Whatever it may be, the
task is to figure out just what the pattern of behavior is. What is the action
the bothers you and in what settings does it occur? Only by having a clear
sense of the problem can you find a solution.
Step 2: Empathy
and Understanding
The key here is thinking
about why the person might be acting so disruptively. Much like a child
throwing a tantrum, the goal is not necessarily to be bad but the difficult
person often doesn’t know another way to handle his own stressful situation. In
understanding their behavior, we can have empathy for their situation, and
figure out ways to engage them rather than merely complaining about how
frustrating they are.
Begin by asking what you
know about this person. What is her life like? What is the office like for
her? What is she worried about that she covers up be being difficult?
Because that’s what is usually going on: the bad actor has some internal
struggle that is causing the inappropriate behavior.
Even acknowledging that
general conclusion can be incredibly comforting. The person that is making your
life a living hell is actually insecure and taking it out on you. The arrogant,
condescending person is often covering up their own feelings of inadequacy.
Once you understand this, you can acknowledge that little compliments might
avoid a blowout. The inflexible micromanager is only controlling you because
she is out of control and overwhelmed. Recognizing this can provide for the
technique of avoiding challenges over details and expressing appreciation for
their dedication (while emphasizing yours!).
While each difficult
person might be different, there tend to be general types. And once you figure
out what they’re struggling with to cover up, you can approach them with more
empathy and specific techniques that minimize their anxiety. At the end of the
day, even if you’re the one doing the legwork, this will make your job and your
workday more pleasant.
Step 3: What am I
contributing?
The last step is to
figure out just why the person’s pattern of behavior bothers you so
much. As much as the disruptive coworker is labelled as a “jerk” or “schmuck”
it is just as important to figure out why we are bothered by the behavior. Why
do you hate being blamed? Does the individual remind you of someone else in your
life? Is there a reason that certain demands rub you the wrong way?
By assessing your own
contribution to the problem, you are more likely to be able to take a step back
and diffuse some negative feelings for the disruptive person that you are
carrying with you throughout the day.
While certain people at
work can be extremely frustrating, we can take solace in knowing that there is
a way forward. Instead of just hoping that the difficult person changes,
each of us has the ability – and responsibility – to improve the office.
Committing to the steps of identifying patterns of behavior, harnessing
empathy, and looking at our own contributions can all help to improve our time
at work.
Sep. 4, 2017
http://www.actionablebooks.com/en-ca/blog/empathy-three-steps-to-managing-difficult-workplace-relationships/?inf_contact_key=a86f39eeb842c9696e7c821ff7d2d28d77386ae6e3ad69c746584321e269e453
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