Don't
Focus on Happiness. Focus on Self Actualization
As
a child, whenever anyone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I always
replied, “The happiest person in the world.” Adults probably saw me as either
someone starting too early on a path to self-actualization or as just a really
strange kid.
Most
of us are in pursuit of happiness, yet most base happiness on conditions. For
example, many envision they will be happy if they were wealthy.
I
have met some of the wealthiest people yet they suffered from depression,
loneliness and anxiety.
I
have traveled across the poorest countries and met some of the most
impoverished individuals. Yet, they frequently laughed and seemed to enjoy
life, despite owning almost nothing.
True happiness is never in pursuit of happiness. It
is a state of existence, irrespective of circumstances and this is what
focusing instead on self-actualization will empower you to do.
What is self-actualization?
The
psychologist Abraham Maslow created the Hierarchy of Needs theory, which depicts a five-tier pyramid of human
necessities. It begins with the most basic needs at the base and progresses to
the top tier.
The model consists of:
Tier
1. Biological and Physiological needs – food, drink, air, shelter, warmth,
sleep.
Tier
2. Security needs – protection from elements, safety, security, job, stability,
freedom from fear.
Tier
3. Social needs – love, family, friendship, intimacy, belonging, affection.
Tier
4. Esteem needs – achievement, accomplishment, self-worth, self-respect,
respect from others.
Tier
5. Self-Actualization needs – self-fulfilment, personal growth and peak
experiences.
What are the characteristics of people who have
experienced self-actualization?
- Unafraid
of the unknown; they accept and embrace it.
- Instead
of following what society dictates, they remain true to themselves. They
are not sheep, but they do not reject everything like the average rebel.
- Despite
being unconventional, they are not deliberately so in a way to shock or
cause a reaction.
- Accept
themselves as they are, along with their flaws. They, however, recognize
and work towards changing negative habits.
- Not
dependent on the company of others. They are self-sufficient and can be
happy being alone.
- More
interested in the pursuit of deeper and more meaningful connections. As a
result, they have deep relationships but only with a few people. That
said, they have affection for all people and are not judgemental.
- Instead
of lamenting about problems, they focus more on finding positive solutions.
- Practice
gratitude and appreciate the smaller things in life.
- Have a
strong moral sense of right and wrong.
- While
most people focus on the lower tiers in the ‘Hierarchy of Needs,’ they are
more focused on personal and meaningful growth.
- Not
driven by social pressures or superficial needs.
- Search
for a deeper meaning of life.
- Despite
it all, they are not perfect and they are happy with that.
What are the benefits of self-actualization?
Our
society is governed by pressure and competitiveness which are exacerbated by
TV, newspapers, magazines, movies, billboards, the Internet, friends, family,
etc. on an hourly basis.
By
striving for self actualization 2, you can positively manage your life, happiness, and
dreams. Your anxieties, stresses, and worries will be recognized for what they
are: man-made fears, which mostly exist in the future. Anything that hasn’t yet
happened (or may not happen) is not worth worrying about.
How to achieve self-actualization
Stop comparing yourself to others
Don’t
measure your worth based on what other people are doing.
Maybe
one of your friends became a high-flying lawyer and another friend settled into
the perfect married life with children. And perhaps you haven’t found your
dream career or partner yet, but maybe that gives you the freedom to go
travelling. Something neither your lawyer friend nor married friend would be
able to do.
Remember
that everyone’s path is different and everyone has days where they feel the
same as you.
Stop using social media
A
study revealed that 25% of participants 3 who
used social media for an average of an hour a day, showed very high signs of
depression.
Social
media promotes depression and jealousy. It creates indirect peer pressure.
People feel inadequate by how others are (seemingly) over-achieving. They then
feel pressured to validate how happy their lives are also by updating statuses
or photos accordingly. It becomes a never-ending cycle where no one is ever
truly being himself or herself.
Don’t
log in as often or if you are truly strong, delete it. Those who are your real
friends will know how to stay in touch.
This too shall pass
No
matter how stressed or worried you feel, remember that it is temporary and
nothing ever remains the same.
Be true to yourself
Follow
your own sense of purpose and love yourself (even your flaws).
And
you can still keep adopting positive habits, for instance, if you have been
trying to become fitter or to stop smoking.
Experience life in the here and now
Sometimes
it may feel like you are driving in the dark, with no brakes or lights. But one
of the most beautiful things about life is its unpredictability. In that
darkness, you never know what person, place or moment you may encounter with
each turn.
Be
open-minded and welcome that darkness because even if the ride is bumpy, it’s
still ok because you are still moving forward.
Realize you can be happy now
Many
people think they will only be happy when they become wealthy, have the perfect
partner, or the successful career. But they may make millions and still have
anxiety. They may find “the one” and still feel depressed.
The
only one capable of making you happy is you. Don’t sabotage your own happiness
by imposing conditions on it.
Practice gratitude
It
is easy to forget the beautiful things to be grateful for. Maybe there is a
breathtaking full moon outside your window or someone did an unselfish act of
kindness for you this week.
Have integrity
We
all know right from wrong yet sadly, not everyone will choose to do what is
right. You are responsible for not only your actions, but also for how those
actions will affect those around you–positively or negatively.
Self-development
Practicing
mindfulness and meditation. Meditating for as little as twenty minutes a day
will inspire changes to your physical, emotional and mental state.
Final Thoughts
Did
I grow up to be the happiest person in the world? Sometimes I think I did. For
the times I think I did not, I think that is still ok too. Life is meant to
challenge us, and there is still beauty in that.
Did I grow up to fulfil my own
self-actualization? Sometimes I think I did. For the times I think I did not, I
think that is still ok too. I will still keep striving to grow, learn and
evolve into the best “me” that I can be. Life is the best unwritten script we
can get; never underestimate where the adventure of those pages might lead to
next.
References
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[2]
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[3]
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J.S. von Dacre
http://www.lifehack.org/586158/dont-focus-happiness-focus-self-actualization?ref=mail&mtype=daily_newsletter&mid=20170511_tuning_v1&uid=687414&hash=707e797f7e757e6d794c856d747b7b3a6f7b79&action=click
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