Powerful Habits That Make You More Assertive
Being assertive and knowing what you want is not the same as being
hostile or belligerent. You just have to know what to say with confidence.
Everyone wants to be more confident, but not everyone knows how to be assertive. Assertive falls right
between passive and aggressive. If you're passive about voicing your opinion, you may come across
as submissive. And if you are aggressive with your viewpoint, you may come
across as a hostile or, even worse, a bully.
But if you
learn to be assertive, you can express yourself without being passive or
aggressive, and you will have a better chance of getting what
you want.
Here are seven
simple ways to help yourself become more assertive.
1. Understand assertiveness.
Assertiveness
is an interpersonal skill in which you demonstrate the healthy confidence to stand
up for yourself while still respecting the rights of others. When you are
assertive, you are neither passive nor aggressive, but direct and honest. You
don't expect other people to know what you want, so you speak up to ask for
what you need calmly and with confidence.
2. Keep your communication style in line.
When it comes
to being assertive, communication style is critical, and the key is to be
respectful of those with whom you are trying to communicate. Pay attention to
your body language as well as the words you say, and make sure you're congruent
in your words, body language, and tone. Never expect people to read your mind;
if you want something, say so, and if something bothers you, speak up. Look
confident when making a request or stating a preference. Stand up straight,
lean in a bit, smile or keep a neutral facial expression, and look the
person in the eye.
3. Understand and accept differences.
Assertiveness
doesn't mean being dismissive of other people's points of view. Just as you
state your own opinion, you work to understand other points of view. Don't
allow differences to upset you or make you angry; remember that differences
don't necessarily mean you are right and the other person is wrong. Try to
understand their point of view. Listen respectfully and don't interrupt when
they are speaking.
4. Speak simply and directly.
When you're
practicing assertiveness, it's important to speak in a way that doesn't imply
accusations or make the other person feel guilty. Speaking your truth with
candor shouldn't mean making others feel wrong. Be simple, direct, and concise,
and state what you know to be true for you. When asserting yourself, remember,
less is more. Keep your requests free of meandering or long-winded
explanations.
5. Exercise the power of "I."
To be
assertive without coming across as hostile, use "I" statements. Make
it a habit to say things like "I think ... " or "I feel ....
" Never use aggressive language or phrases like "You
never... " or "You always.... " These statements trigger other
people, leaving them frustrated, and they shut down conversation. "I"
statements allow you to be confident and assertive without alienating and
eliminating other people.
6. Stay calm.
Being
assertive might make you feel excited, but excitement can sometimes come across
as aggression. Learn to stay cool and calm when expressing yourself; it will
make you more confident and allow the other person to relax. Remember to
breathe normally and be mindful of body language and eye contact. Be present
with each other. Calm mind, calm speech, calm action--it not only gives you
confidence, but allows the other person to remain composed as well.
7. Set boundaries.
Boundaries are
the rules and limits you create for yourself that help you decide what you will
and won't allow. You don't want people to walk all over you, but you don't want
people to think you are a bully, either. Setting boundaries will
empower you to know when you need to say yes and when you want to say no.
Assertiveness
is like any other skill--it takes practice and time to get it right. Keep
working through each of these techniques and soon you will feel more confident.
BY LOLLY
DASKAL
http://www.inc.com/lolly-daskal/7-powerful-habits-that-make-you-more-assertive.html?cid=em01016week21a
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