11 Brutal Truths About
Emotions That You Really Need to Hear
Make emotions work for you. Instead of against
you.
Since
it was first introduced decades ago, the concept of emotional
intelligence has been heralded by many as the
secret, intangible key to success. But as this concept has increased in popularity,
it's also become widely misunderstood.
So, what is
emotional intelligence exactly?
Emotional intelligence (EI) is a person's
ability to identify emotions (in both themselves and others), to recognize the
powerful effects of those emotions, and to use that information to inform and
guide behavior. Practicing EI can help you reach your goals and make you more
persuasive.
So, here are 11 tips brutal truths about
emotions that will instantly increase your EQ:
1. Emotional intelligence begins when you ask
the right questions.
Asking the right questions gives you valuable
insight into the role emotions play in everyday life.
For example, if you're frustrated at work,
you might ask:
·
Where is the underlying problem? Is it an
assignment, a colleague, a situation?
·
Do I have any control over this? What can I
change, and what can't I?
You
can find a list of more thoughtful
questions here. Get familiar with them, and you'll
start to be more proactive, and less reactive.
2. You can't control your feelings. But you can
control the reactions to your feelings.
Since
emotions involve your natural, instinctive feelings and are influenced by
brain chemistry, you can't always control how you feel.
But
you can control how you act upon those feelings.
For
example, let's say you have an anger management problem. The first step is to
increase awareness of how anger affects you. Then, you need to develop an
appropriate method for responding to that feeling--by focusing on your thoughts and
actions.
All of this won't take your anger away. But
it can keep you from actions that will hurt yourself and others.
3. Others see you much differently than you
see yourself.
This
isn't about right or wrong; it's simply understanding
how perceptions differ, and the consequences
those differences create. But for many, all of this goes unnoticed.
By asking those close to us--like a
significant other or close friend or workmate--about our interactions with them
and others, we can learn from their perspective.
4. Empathy can greatly increase the value of
your work.
The ability to relate to another person's
feelings goes a long way in building and fostering great relationships.
But
learning to see things from another person's perspective yields immediate,
everyday benefits as well--like making you a better writer, presenter, trainer
and manager.
5. It's all about the long game.
Science
has shown that changing
deeply-ingrained behaviors and habits requires
repeated effort and substantial commitment.
How
can you do so? Here are seven methods that you can begin practicing today.
These methods aren't easy to apply. But with
dedication and hard work, they'll help shape the way you experience even the
most powerful emotions.
6. Criticism is a gift.
Nobody's
right all the time; that's why criticism can help us to grow. Unfortunately,
emotions often prevent us from taking advantage
of negative feedback.
Instead of wasting time and energy rating how
ideally criticism was delivered, ask yourself:
·
How can I use this feedback to help me or my
team improve?
·
Putting my personal feelings aside, what can
I learn from this alternate perspective?
Even if negative feedback is unfounded, it
can still give you a valuable window into other perspectives.
Of course, not everyone has this ability.
That's why...
7. It's vital to gain trust before delivering
negative feedback.
Humans
all share certain emotional needs, like a general craving for sincere
acknowledgement and praise. Recognizing that,
good leaders first focus on the positive (and potential) in his or her team.
Additionally, by getting to know your team, their challenges, and their way of
working, not only will you begin to see things from their perspective, you'll
begin to earn their trust.
Negative feedback can be difficult to
swallow. But if your team is confident that you've got their backs, they'll
appreciate your efforts to make them better.
8. Remember that "negative"
emotions can be just as beneficial as "positive" ones.
When we're happy, the coffee tastes better,
the birds sound sweeter...and there's no challenge too great to handle.
But
"negative" emotions (like anger, sadness, or fear) can give you the
impetus to dig deep, learn more about yourself, and develop a strategy to make
things better.
9. Raising your EQ isn't all fun and games.
But it can be...sometimes.
Researchers
have found that some of our favorite recreational activities can produce an
increase in emotional intelligence. For example, watching films,
listening to music and reading in
the right way can actually help you understand and practice empathy for others.
10. EQ and EI aren't the same thing.
Nowadays,
many use EQ (Emotional Quotient) and EI (Emotional Intelligence)
interchangeably. But that's a
mistake.
EQ is useful as shorthand to refer to a
person's knowledge of emotions and how they work. It can be adopted liberally:
Just as we speak of athletes having a high basketball or football IQ, an
allusion to one's EQ is easily understood.
But by
definition, emotional intelligence is a practical ability. And
while a person may comprehend the principles of how emotions work in real life,
application of that knowledge is another story. (This is the foundation of my
forthcoming book, EQ,
Applied, which explains how emotional intelligence
works in the real world.)
11. Emotional Intelligence can be used for
evil.
It's
important to know that, like any ability, emotional intelligence can be used
both ethically and unethically. Every day, certain politicians, colleagues, and
even supposed friends use emotions to
manipulate others.
Of course, this is just one more reason why
you should work at raising your own EI, to protect yourself.
Because in the end, that's what emotional
intelligence is all about: making emotions work for you, instead of against
you.
By Justin
Bariso
http://www.inc.com/justin-bariso/11-brutal-truths-about-emotions-that-you-really-need-to-hear.html?cid=nl029week52day28
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