31 Ways to Improve Your Life in Just a Month
Before this 31-day
plan became a lifestyle, I first had to remove the tumors of self-gratification and
hubris (trust
me, the attitude ruling my life in the old days was all about "what's in
it for me?").
Now that you have a glimpse into your
own plan, a fair warning: It's not about you. It took years for
me to develop the understanding that life is really about giving, service,
and meaningful relationships.
If you're still with me, these things
have reshaped my path as entrepreneur, happy husband, proud father, and
community leader. Many can be practiced in minutes per day. Others will require
some courage and stretching. Use this to acclimate yourself to a life of
happiness and success.
Your
31-Day Personal Development Plan
Day 1: Do something for someone else.
Do a "five-minute
favor" for
someone. Five-minute favors are selfless giving acts, without asking for
anything in return from the people that you help. Examples of five-minute
favors include: sharing knowledge, making an introduction, serving as a
reference for a person, product, or service, or recommending someone on
LinkedIn, Yelp, or another social place.
Day 2: Share your positive experiences
with friends and family and watch your joy increase.
Studies published
in BPS Research have found that sharing the good things that happen in
your life is the way to happiness. In one study, participants that journaled
and shared positive experiences with another person at least twice a week were
more satisfied with life.
Day 3: Stop striving to achieve.
We all have a tendency to work too
much, lose our balance, and, ultimately, our joy in life. It's the unhealthy
feeling that if we don't do something productive every day, we've somehow
failed. So allow your perfectionism to rest. Slow down, and know
that life is OK the way it is, right at this minute. As you eliminate the need
to strive and be perfect, surrender to the universe. You'll begin to appreciate
and focus on other, neglected priorities that bring you joy.
Day 4: Put yourself in someone else's
shoes.
Empathy and compassion are things you
can develop, and it starts with thinking about other people's circumstances,
understanding their pains and frustrations, and knowing that those emotions are
every bit as real as our own. This helps you develop perspective, and opens you
up to helping others, which also enhances your sense of gratitude.
Day 5: Discover your purpose and enjoy
the journey.
Remind yourself frequently that
the purpose of your life is not to work
10 hours per day, five days per week for 30 years, then retire to a golf course
in Florida. Your true purpose should be to
discover your calling in life, basking in the joy of the journey along the way,
one step at a time. In the end, your legacy is left to these two questions:
· What impact did I make on the lives
of others?
· Who did I serve and make better?
Day 6: Stop getting the attention and
focus it on other people.
There's something magical that happens
when we let other people have the glory. Reading this may bruise your ego, but
when we shine the spotlight on someone else and let that person be seen, heard,
respected, and considered special--it becomes enjoyable to do so, and gives us
a peaceful and quiet confidence.
Day 7: Give thanks. Your situation
could be a lot worse.
I don't care what religion you come
from, start your day by thanking your higher power for the things you take for
granted. As it turns out, if you make more
than $30,000, you earn more than 53.2 percent of Americans. If you make more than
$50,000, you earn more than 73.4 percent of Americans. Feeling grateful now?
Say a little prayer and give thanks, and then pray for the other 73.4 percent.
Day 8: Exercise more of the P word.
Patience is a virtue I wish more people
practiced. It helps you relax and rethink when things are snowballing out of
control. Did that guy cut you off on the highway? Relax, take a deep breath,
and consider that perhaps he's rushing to the hospital with his wife in labor
in the backseat. Patience helps you see the innocence in other people during
those really frustrating moments when you'd like fist to meet wall.
Day 9: Be the first to reach out after
an argument.
The tendency for so many of us is to
let resentment fester after an argument or misunderstanding, and then cut off
the person from our lives until he or she reaches out to us with an apology.
It's convenient. But it's also just plain dumb. You lose a friendship, a family
relationship, or great work connection because your ego has to have its way.
Instead, be the first to reach out to make amends, even if you're the one that
has to apologize. That humble act will do wonders; the other person will
soften, apologize, and allow you back into his or her life.
Day 10: Just. Say. No.
Truly happy people live a simple life.
They have a simple schedule. They don't take on more than they can handle. They
live according to their values and purpose. They have strong boundaries around
what comes into their life. And they have no problem saying no. If it doesn't
serve you, if it has little value, and if it doesn't make you better tomorrow
than you are today--just ... say ... no.
Day 11: React to good news with genuine
enthusiasm.
Researchers call it active and onstructive responding (ACR). If a
friend or colleague shares good news (say, a promotion), there are many ways in
which you could respond to this news. An ACR response might be, "That's
fantastic! I had no doubts the leadership team would recognize your hard work.
Let's celebrate and get some pizza and beer tonight." An ACR response
shares in people's joy and excitement, and shows interest and curiosity. By
doing so, you'll maintain strong personal relationships and feel more positive.
Day 12: Be diligent.
Ever looked at an ant farm in action?
Every single ant has amazing ambition and self-discipline. They are diligent!
If you're wondering, "Why do I slack off so much?" it may be time to
take a long, hard look in the mirror. What's keeping you from being diligent?
Usually the first step of motivation is exactly that--just focus on the first
step. Then, it's one step at a time after that. But whatever you do, get off
the couch, stop Snapchatting, and choose to be diligent today.
Day 13: Soak up the wisdom of another
person.
If you're a smart person (and I trust
that you are since you're reading this list), you want to view yourself as a
small fish in the great big pond of life--seeking out connections to learn
from. So who are the people of influence in your life? Invite one of them to
coffee, and learn something new from this person. It will make you better, and
he or she will appreciate the chance to pay it forward.
Day 14: Journal about three new things
you are grateful for.
Psychologist Shawn Achor told Oprah that you train
your brain to be optimistic if you do this for 21 days in a row: Each day,
write down three new things you are grateful for.
Day 15: And while you're at it, journal
about one positive experience today.
Achor also told Oprah that if you
spend two minutes daily journaling about one positive experience in the past 24
hours, it allows your brain to relive it, and teaches your brain that the
behavior matters.
Day 16: Exercise for 15 minutes.
Achor also told Oprah that if you
hate exercise, all it takes is 15 minutes of fun cardio activity, which is the
equivalent of taking an antidepressant, but with a 30 percent lower relapse
rate.
Day 17: Focus on your breathing.
Stop what you're doing. Now breathe,
and watch your breath go in and out for two minutes. Do this every day. This
allows your brain to focus on one thing at a time. In Achor's study, he says it will
"raise accuracy rates, improve levels of happiness, and drop stress
levels."
Day 18. Express kindness through a text
or email.
Take two minutes each day to write a
positive email or text praising or thanking someone you know. And do it for a
different person each day. Achor says
people who do this become known as positive leaders with strong
social connections--the greatest predictor of long-term happiness.
Day 19: Find something or someone that
will make you laugh.
Humor helps you
think more broadly and creatively. Psychologists had students solve
puzzles after watching a clip of Robin Williams doing standup. Twenty percent
more puzzles were solved by sudden insight from students who had watched comedy
compared with students who had watched scary or boring videos beforehand. There
are other benefits: Laughter releases endorphins into the body--a chemical 10
times more powerful than morphine--with the same exhilarating effect as an
intense workout at the gym.
Day 20: Deal with a problem you've been
neglecting.
So you've been putting off handling a
difficult person or putting closure to something. By facing conflict and going
through the eye of the storm, you'll build resilience to deal with future
problems seamlessly. Choosing to deal with the situation today will teach you
to be more honest with yourself and others, give you the strength and openness
to deal with problems quickly, and help you avoid procrastination.
Day 21: Do something fun.
Now that you've dealt with resolving a
conflict, reward yourself with something fun. Science has found that people who
have fun on the job are more creative and productive, make better decisions,
and get along better with colleagues. Another study discovered that to unlock
your creative potential, "go out and play" to lift your mood, and
then come back to the problem.
Day 22: Build up your faith.
I don't speak of religion, which has
been abusive to so many. I speak of a faith--whatever your belief system--that
comes from a deep spiritual connection with a power greater than yours. A power
that extends you grace, forgiveness, love. It's this faith that strengthens you
and makes you endure your trials. A faith that helps you realize it's no longer
about you.
Day 23: Have lunch with someone, and
listen to that person selflessly.
Give someone your full, undivided
attention, and listen to his or her story. The best listeners, as I've written about before, have an uncanny
ability to listen intuitively to the other person before responding. They
listen with one modus operandi: How can I help the other person?
Day 24: Pursue an activity that brings
you peace.
Get involved in an activity that's
enjoyable; something that will bring back that bounce in your step. What is it
that you love to do? What brings you peace? Hint: Think hobbies, nature,
friends, or exercise. I often take the lunch hour to swim, as it releases
endorphins. What's going to bring you peace?
Day 25: Look at people in the eye,
smile, and say hello.
We live in such a fear-driven and
insulated culture that we don't even look people in the eye when we're walking down
the street, sitting in subway trains, or even when making our way through
office hallways. Just for today, think of strangers as being a little more like
you, and treat them with the kindness and respect they deserve: Look them
softly in the eye, smile, and give a warm greeting.
Day 26: Take some quiet time alone to
reflect.
For 30 to 60 minutes, remove yourself
from the noise, clutter, distractions, screaming kids, and busyness of life. It
helps to do it first thing after you wake up. Go out into the stillness of the
morning, sit on a dock, under a large tree, or on a swing bench and meditate on
the good things of life. Close your eyes, breathe through your stomach, and
center yourself. Setting aside this little ritual makes the rest of your day
seem manageable. You'll notice a difference and a weight off your shoulders.
Day 27: Look at a situation by taking
in the whole picture.
We call it self-awareness. It's
choosing to see two sides of an issue by tapping into our feelings and those of
others for a different outcome. It helps us to respond instead of react to
people. By redirecting negative thoughts and emphasizing positive ones, you can
be the real you and enjoy interpersonal relationships much better.
Day 28: Reframe!
Do you ever hear that voice inside your
head tell you things like, "I screwed up again. I'm worthless." Or
"I can't do this. I've never been able to do it; it's not going to work
now." This is negative self-talk and it can be toxic, as it reinforces
irrational thoughts. Catch yourself in the act of using negative words or
phrases and identify the triggers. Are demands at work piling up? Are things at
home not so peachy? Stop your thought midstream by saying to yourself (or in
your head), "Stop!" Then dig deep down inside yourself and reframe
your assumptions. Are you assuming something is a negative event when it isn't
necessarily? Stop and reframe, and see if you can come up with a neutral or
positive replacement.
Day 29: Readjust the strict rules you
impose on yourself.
Are you a perfectionist? Identify one
personal rule you live by that's rigid, unfair, or unhelpful. Then reword it to
be more helpful, flexible, and forgiving. Then put your new rule into practice!
Day 30: Relax and be more spontaneous.
Doing both are really necessary for
healthy living. So if you're at work, take regular breaks: Stretch, do
breathing exercises, go for a walk outside, take a 15-minute nap, play a game,
or just enjoy yourself. Add spontaneity to your life by going on a date with
your spouse to a new ethnic restaurant, stopping afterward to watch the sunset.
And next week, think about picking up a new hobby. Surprise yourself!
Day 31: Spend some quality time with an
elderly person.
Elderly people have a rich and long
history full of stories, experiences, and perspectives you've never thought of
from simpler days gone by. There are many wins for you: It teaches you to be a
better listener (day 23), builds up your patience (day 8) since elderly people
typically speak slower, and you acquire new wisdom (day 13). They benefit from
your attention (day 6) and kindness (day 18, 25).
Closing
Thoughts
What would your life look like if you
practiced some of these things everyday, extending this plan beyond a 31-day
cycle? It just might help you live the life you've always wanted rather than
settling for whatever comes your way.
BY MARCEL SCHWANTES
http://www.inc.com/marcel-schwantes/these-31-life-hacks-can-improve-your-life-in-just-a-month.html?cid=em01016week33a
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