10 Things Emotionally Intelligent People
Refuse to Think
Pay attention to what comes out of your mouth. The language you use affects how you experience your
world, and how others experience you. Inevitably, things get "lost in
translation."
If you're
familiar with cognitive distortion or cognitive bias, these psychology terms teach us that there are subtle ways that our
mind can convince us of something that isn't really true. These inaccurate thoughts are usually used to reinforce negative thinking or emotions, thus
holding us back.
We all do this, both consciously and
unconsciously, and how we do it provides pointers to our underlying beliefs about
ourselves, our peers, partners and colleagues, and the immediate world around
us.
This could spell trouble. Which of these do you do? Check the
areas below and be courageous enough to ask a trusted peer for perspective. Is
it a problem?
Top 10 Cognitive Distortions
1. All or nothing thinking:
Seeing things as black-or-white, right-or-wrong, with nothing in between.
Essentially, "if I'm not perfect then I'm a failure." Examples:
·
"I didn't finish writing that proposal so it was a complete
waste of time."
·
"There's no point in playing in that golf tournament to
raise money if I'm not 100 percent in shape."
·
"The vendor didn't show, they're completely
unreliable!"
2. Over-generalization: Using
words like "always" or "never" in relation to a single
event or experience.
·
"I'll never get that promotion."
·
"She always does that...."
3. Minimizing or magnifying
(also, catastrophizing): Seeing things as dramatically more or less important
than they actually are--which can often create a "catastrophe" that
follows. Examples of such inner dialogue:
·
"Because my boss publicly thanked her, she'll get that
promotion, not me (even though I had a great performance review and just won a
company award)."
·
"I forgot that email! That means my boss won't trust me
again, I won't get that raise, and my wife will hate me."
4. Using words like
"should," "need to," "must," and "ought
to" as motivation:You may have a tendency to use such words to motivate
yourself, then you feel guilty when you don't follow through (or get angry and
resentful when someone else doesn't follow through). Examples of your inner
dialogue:
·
"I should have gotten the contract delivered last
weekend."
·
"They ought to have been more considerate of my feelings on
this project, they should know that would upset me."
5. Labeling: Attaching a
negative label to yourself or others following a single event.
·
"I didn't stand up to my co-worker, I'm such a wimp!"
·
"What an idiot, he couldn't even see that coming!"
6. Jumping to conclusions
(mind-reading or fortune telling): Making negative predictions about the
future without evidence or factual support. Example:
·
"I won't be able to pay my bills if I go on this vacation
trip (even though there's plenty of money in savings)."
·
"No one will understand. I won't be invited back again to
speak (even though they are supportive community partners)."
7. Discounting the
positive: Not acknowledging the positive. Saying anyone could have done it
or insisting that your positive actions, qualities, or achievements don't
count. Like:
·
"That doesn't count, anyone could have done it."
·
"I've only cut back from smoking 40 cigarettes a day to 10.
It doesn't count because I haven't fully given up yet."
8. Blame and
personalization: Blaming yourself when you weren't entirely responsible or
blaming other people and denying your role in the situation. Examples:
·
"If only I were younger, I would have gotten the job."
·
"If only I hadn't said that, they wouldn't have...."
·
"If only he hadn't yelled at me, I wouldn't have been angry
and shot back."
9. Emotional reasoning: I
feel, therefore I am. Assuming that a feeling is true-- without digging deeper
to see if this is accurate. Like:
·
"I feel like such an idiot (it must be true)."
·
"I feel guilty (I must have done something wrong)."
·
"I feel really bad for yelling at my partner, I must be
really selfish and inconsiderate."
10. Mental filter: Allowing
(dwelling on) one negative detail or fact to spoil your enjoyment, happiness,
hope, etc. Example:
·
You have a great evening and dinner at a restaurant with
friends, but your chicken was undercooked and that spoiled the whole evening.
BY MARCEL SCHWANTES
http://www.inc.com/marcel-schwantes/10-things-emotionally-intelligent-people-refuse-to-think.html?cid=em01016week34a
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