THE ART AND SCIENCE OF GIVING AND RECEIVING CRITICISM AT WORK
UNDERSTANDING
THE PSYCHOLOGY OF CRITICISM CAN HELP YOU GIVE BETTER FEEDBACK AND
BETTER DEAL WITH NEGATIVE REVIEWS.
And
those moments are often some of the toughest we all face in work and
life. Hearing potentially negative things about yourself is probably
not your favorite activity, and most of us would rather avoid the
awkwardness that comes with telling someone else how they could
improve.
But
what do we lose out on when we avoid these tough conversations? One
of the fundamental skills of life is being able to give and receive
advice, feedback and even criticism.
If
given and received in the right spirit, could sharing feedback—even
critical feedback—become
a different, better experience than the painful one we’re
accustomed to? Could feedback become a valued opportunity and even a
bonding,positive
experience?
In
this post, we’ll explore how to give and receive feedback at work
in the best ways possible, along with some of the psychology behind
handling critical feedback (in both directions). I’ll also share
with you some of the methods in which we offer and receive feedback
at Buffer to try and make the experience less scary and more loving.
WHAT HAPPENS IN OUR BRAINS WHEN WE RECEIVE CRITICISM
It’s
hard for us to feel like we’re wrong, and it’s even harder for us
to hear that from others. As it turns out, there’s a psychological
basis for both of these elements.
Our
brains view criticism as a threat to our survival
Because
our brains are protective of us, neuroscientists say they go out of
their way to make sure we always feel like we’re in the right—even
when we’re not.
And
when we receive criticism, our brain tries to protect us from the
threat it perceives to our place in the social order of things.
"Threats
to our standing in the eyes of others are remarkably potent
biologically, almost as those to our very survival,"
says psychologist
Daniel Goleman.
So
when we look at Maslow’s famous hierarchy of needs, we might
suppose that criticism is pretty high up on the pyramid—perhaps in
the self-esteem or self-actualization quadrants. But because our
brains see criticism as such a primal threat, it’s actually much
lower on the pyramid, in the belonging or safety spectrums.
Criticism
can feel like an actual threat to our survival—no wonder it’s so
tough for us to hear and offer.
We
remember criticism strongly but inaccurately
Another
unique thing about criticism is that we often don’t remember it
quite clearly.
Charles
Jacobs, author of Management
Rewired: Why Feedback Doesn’t Work,
says that when we hear information that conflicts with our
self-image, our instinct is to first change the information, rather
than ourselves.
Kathryn
Schulz,
the author of Being
Wrong,
explains that that’s because "we don’t experience, remember,
track, or retain mistakes as a feature of our inner landscape,"
so wrongness "always seems to come at us from left field."
But
although criticism is more likely to be remember incorrectly, we
don’t often forget it.
Clifford
Nass,
a professor of communication at Stanford
University,
says "almost everyone remembers negative things more
strongly and in more detail."
It’s
called a negativity
bias. Our
brains have evolved separate, more sensitive brain circuits to handle
negative information and events, and they process the bad stuff more
thoroughly than positive things. That means receiving criticism will
always have a greater impact than receiving praise.
HOW TO OFFER CRITICISM THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE
So
now that we know what a delicate enterprise criticism can be, how can
we go about offering it up in the right spirit to get the best
results? Here are some tips and strategies.
Reflect
on your purpose
The
most important step is to make sure that your potential feedback is
coming from the right place. Here’s a list of some of the
main motivating factors
behind
offering up feedback.
"When
we have difficult feedback to give, we enter the discussion uneasily,
and this pushes us to the side of fear and judgment, where we believe
we know what is wrong with the other person and how we can fix him,"
writes Frederic Laloux in his book Reinventing
Organizations.
"If we are mindful, we can come to such discussions from a place
of care. When we do, we can enter into beautiful moments of inquiry,
where we have no easy answers but can help the colleague assess
himself more truthfully."
Focus
on the behavior, not the person
After
entering the conversation with the best intentions, a next guideline
is to separate behavior or actions from the person you’re speaking
to.
Focusing
the criticism on just the situation you want to address—on what
someone does or says, rather than the individual themselves—separates
the problematic situation from the person’s identity, allowing them
to focus on what you’re saying without feeling personally
confronted.
Lead
with questions
Starting
off your feedback with a few questions can help the other person feel
like an equal part in the conversation as you discuss the challenge
together.
Neal
Ashkanasy, a professor of management at the University
of Queensland in Australia, shared
with Psychology
Today the
story of overcoming a tough feedback challenge—firing an
assistant—with questions:
Ashkanasy began by asking her how she thought she was doing. That lead-in gives the recipient "joint ownership" of the conversation, he says. Ashkanasy also pointed to other jobs that would better match the skills of his soon-to-be-ex employee. That promise of belonging helped relieve her anxiety about being cast out of the group she already knew.
Inject
positivity: The modified ‘criticism sandwich’
"Sandwich every bit of criticism between two heavy layers of praise." – Mary Kay Ash
One
well known strategy for feedback is the "criticism sandwich,"
popularized by the above quote from cosmetics maven Mary Kay Ash. In
the sandwich, you begin with praise, address the problem, and follow
up with more praise.
In
fact, the more of the conversation you can frame positively, the more
likely your recipient is to be in the right frame of mind to make the
change you’re looking for.
The
blog Zen
Habits offers up some phrases to try to
inject more positivity into your feedback, like: "I’d love it
if …" or "I think you’d do a great job with …"
or "One thing that could make this even better is …"
Follow
the Rosenberg method: Observations, feelings, needs, requests
In
his exploration of the next phase of working together, Reinventing
Organizations,
Frederic Laloux explores some of the world’s most highly evolved
workplaces. One of the cultural elements common to all of them is the
the ability to treat feedback as a gift rather than a curse.
As
Laloux puts it, "feedback and respectful confrontation are gifts
we share to help one another grow."
Many
of these organizations use the Rosenberg
Nonviolent Communication method, pictured
here, to deliver feedback.
This
method provides a simple and predictable framework that takes some of
the volatility out of giving and receiving feedback.
THE BEST WAY TO PREPARE FOR AND RECEIVE CRITICISM
So
now we know some strategies for offering feedback with an open heart
and mind. How about for receiving it?
Ask
for feedback often
The
best strategy for being caught off guard by negative feedback? Make
sure you invite feedback often, especially from those you trust.
You’ll be better able to see any challenges ahead of time, and
you’ll gain experience in responding positively to feedback.
You
can begin by preparing some open-ended questions for those who know
you well and can speak with confidence about your work. Here are some
great example
questions:
- If you had to make two suggestions for improving my work, what would they be?
- How could I handle my projects more effectively?
- What could I do to make your job easier?
- How could I do a better job of following through on commitments?
- If you were in my position, what would you do to show people more appreciation?
- When do I need to involve other people in my decisions?
- How could I do a better job of prioritizing my activities?
Ask
for time to reflect on what you’ve heard, one element at a time
When
receiving feedback, it might be tempting to become defensive or
"explain away" the criticism. Instead, let the other person
finish completely and try to listen deeply. Then ask questions and
reflect thoughtfully on what you’ve heard.
Stanford
Professor Nass
says that
most people can take in only one critical comment at a time.
"I
have stopped people and told them, ‘Let me think about this.’ I’m
willing to hear more criticism but not all at one time."
So
if you need some time to reflect on multiple points of feedback,
don’t be afraid to say so.
Cultivate
a growth mindset
While
some of us have a hard time hearing negative feedback, there are
those who thrive on it. This group has what’s known as a growth
mindset. They focus on their ability to change and grow—as opposed
to those with a fixed mindset—and are able to see feedback as an
opportunity for improvement.
You
can learn more about how to develop a growth mindset here.
Take
credit for your mistakes and grow
It’s
easy to take credit for our successes, but failure is something we
don’t like to admit to. For example, we’re more likely to blame
failure on external factors than our own shortcomings.
But
lately, the idea of embracing failure has emerged, and it’s a great
mindset for making the most of feedback.
"Continual
experimentation is the new normal," says business psychologist
Karissa Thacker. "With risk comes failure. You cannot elevate
the level of risk taking without helping people make sense of
failure, and to some extent, feel safe with failure."
Take
a page from the "embracing failure" movement and treasure
the opportunities you’re given to improve and grow.
HOW WE GIVE AND RECEIVE FEEDBACK
As
with many of the things we do at Buffer, the way we give and receive
feedback is a continuous work in progress as we experiment, learn and
grow.
Previously,
the feedback process was more or less formalized in a process we call
the
mastermind.Each
team member would meet with a team leader every two weeks in a format
with the following structure:
- 10 minutes to share and celebrate your achievements
- 40 minutes to discuss your current top challenges
- 10 minutes for the team lead to share feedback
- 10 minutes to give feedback to the team lead
This
process had a few really good things going for it: Feedback was a
regular, scheduled part of our discussions, which removed a lot of
the fear that can surround it; and feedback always went both ways,
which made it feel like a sharing process between two equals.
These
days, masterminds happen weekly between peers and we’ve moved away
from the formalized feedback section altogether as we strive for a
more holacratic, less top-down way of working together.
But
feedback is still an important part of the Buffer journey, and it is
offered and received freely by any of us at any time it is
applicable.
Since
feedback often can be sensitive and personal, it tends to be one of
the only elements we exempt from our policy of radical transparency.
It most often takes the form of one-on-one Hipchat messages, emails
or Sqwiggle conversations.
Our
values guide the feedback process
Buffer’s
10 core values are
our guide to offering and receiving feedback with joy instead of
anxiety.
Looking
at our value of positivity through a lens of feedback, I see lots of
great instruction on offering constructive criticism, including
focusing on the situation instead of the person and offering as much
appreciation as feedback.
Since
we each take on this goal of positivity, it’s very easy to assume
the best of the person offering their feedback to you and that their
intent is positive.
Additionally,
our value of gratitude means that we each focus on being thankful for
the feedback as an opportunity to improve in a particular area.
Finally,
our value of self-improvement means we have a framework for taking
feedback and acting on it in a way that moves us forward.
Although
feedback isn’t generally made public to the whole team, it’s not
uncommon for team members to share feedback they’ve received and
the changes they’re making as a result in pair calls or
masterminds.
BY COURTNEY
SEITER
http://www.fastcompany.com/3039412/the-art-science-to-giving-and-receiving-criticism-at-work?utm_source=mailchimp&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=fast-company-daily-newsletter&position=featured&partner=newsletter&campaign_date=12102014
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