Beware These Tricks for
Making You Look Bad in Meetings
Ah,
meetings. Can’t live with them, can’t live without them.
Being
happy at work is important, of course. Being with other people
generally boosts mood, and ideally,meetings
should
be a source of energy, ideas, and collegiality.
But
it doesn’t always work out that way. Meetings are also a place
where people jockey for position, work out disagreements (nicely or
not-so-nicely), and hurt each other’s feelings.
In
one of my previous job incarnations, I worked in a meeting-intensive
environment. After a while, I noticed that one person, when in a
meeting, consistently made me feel angry and defensive—but I
couldn’t figure out why. He never attacked me, in fact, he was nice
to me. Or so I thought. Then I took a closer look at the kinds of
things he said.
If
you’re feeling annoyed or undermined at a meeting, consider whether
any of these strategies are being aimed at you. And if you don't
annoy or undermine other people, avoid talking this way:
1. “I
don’t need all the details. Let’s just get to the bottom
line.” The
speaker implies that others are quibblers and small-minded
technicians, while deflecting the possible need to master complicated
details himself.
2. “Well,
these are the facts.” The
speaker emphasizes that she attends to hard facts, while implying
that others are distracted by prejudice, sentiment, or assumption.
3. “You
might be right.” The
speaker seem open-minded while simultaneously undermining someone
else’s authority and credibility.
4. “I’m
wondering about ____. Pat, please get back to us on this.” The
speaker demonstrates his habit of reasoned decision-making, while
making Pat (who may not actually report to him) do the necessary work
and report back.
5. “You
did a great job on that, Pat!” The
speaker shows a positive attitude, while showing that she's in the
position to judge and condescend to Pat. (I must admit, I remember
one incident where I did this very consciously. I was furious at
someone, and at the next big meeting that we both attended, I
gushingly complimented him in a way that drove him nuts.)
6. “I
think what Pat is trying to say is…” The
speaker shows that he's a good listener and give credit to others,
while demonstrating that he can take Pat’s simple thought further
than Pat could.
7. “I
can see why you might think that.” Variant: “I
used to think that, too.” The
speaker sounds sympathetic, while indicating that she's moved far
ahead in understanding.
Of
course, a person could say all these things without being
undermining. It depends on context and motivation. Still, it’s
useful to think about how seemingly innocuous comments might carry an
edge.
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