PERSONAL SPECIAL ..........WHY SMALL TALK IS A BIG DEAL!

WHY SMALL TALK IS A BIG DEAL! 
 

Dismissing small talk as pointless would be a mistake.

Why mastering this art is essential for professional success and personal gain 

    You enter a room and look for familiar faces. You realise there aren’t any. You try to escape the awkwardness by darting in and out of the washroom or loitering around the buffet table. But the thought of striking up a conversation makes you freeze because you do not know how to chit-chat. You may even consider it trivial. But linguistics professor William Foley, from the University of Sydney, suggests otherwise. He says there’s nothing pointless about small talk.
    Says Foley, “Mastering the art of small talk can make you feel comfortable in any social situation – from lunch with the boss to a cocktail party, where you are a complete stranger. Small talk functions as a low-threat way to make connections with people. It’s about elegantly starting, sustaining, and ending a dialogue with strangers or acquaintances.”

Why engage in small talk?
Try and recall. How did your current, most important non-familial relationship begin? The answer to this may be ‘small talk’. You never know who you’re going to encounter at the coffee shop, gym, office veranda or a wedding; they could be your future spouse, best friend, business partner or boss. Life skills coach Yadhav Mehra says, “A little chat, that you thought was a waste of time, can set your life in a new direction. Small talk has the unimaginable power to expand your social circle and initiate relationships.”
    How would you get a chance of having a deeper conversation with anyone unless small talk serves as a ladder?

Helps you grab the dream job
Being able to strike up an instant rapport has wide-reaching benefits in the work environment too. Jennifer Harwood, business coach and the author of The Art of Networking says, “Small talk can lead to real opportunities in the business world. Talking and listening to other people’s stories inspires, educates and motivates people.” In a job interview, small talk can do what  your CV can’t. “Small talk demonstrates your skills and builds a connection. It enables the employer to figure out whether your personality will fit the office culture,” adds Harwood. If you’re verbally proficient, you’ve already got a headstart! Some among us may have the gift of gab, but that doesn’t mean everyone else should be mum. “Don’t shy away from talking at a social gathering. There are ways to learn the art of small talk,” says Mehra. “The first step is to be an active listener. You should be responsive and show interest, irrespective of what you immediately think of the topic of conversation or the person in front of you,” he says.

Don’t be a motormouth
But talking doesn’t mean you talk about anything and everything. Robert Pigott, who lectures on the course, The Art of Good Conversation, at the University of Sydney, said in an interview to The Age a while ago, “People who are good at small talk have good interpersonal skills. They know how to warm the tone of their voice and use eye contact and body language to show interest. They also know when to stop.” That is an important thing to learn – knowing when to stop. Being a motormouth does not amount to small talk. Small talk is all about being polite, being a good listener and then joining the conversation.
So, the next time you walk into a social do, where you see unfamiliar faces, just smile and say, “Hello”.

CULTURE TALK

AMERICANS HAVE A REPUTATION FOR BEING GOOD SMALL TALKERS, ALTHOUGH THE CONTENT MAY BE SUPERFICIAL. THE BRITISH ARE
PROGRAMMED TO GO SLOW BY STARTING WITH
EYE CONTACT AND THEN COMMENTING ON THE WEATHER. THE FRENCH TALK ABOUT THEIR HEALTH. CHINESE AND RUSSIANS DISCUSS FINANCES WHILE GERMANS COME STRAIGHT TO THE POINT. INDIANS ARE, BY AND LARGE, INTROVERTS. THEY DO NOT APPROACH A
STRANGER BECAUSE THEY DO NOT KNOW HOW TO PROCEED AFTER ‘HELLO’. LANGUAGE OFTEN ACTS AS A BARRIER.

LET’S GET TALKING...

Keep the right distance: Make the person feel comfortable by making eye contact without crossing your arms. Maintain the right distance; do not get too close. You may scare him/her away.

Give a friendly vibe: If you know the person, keep it simple and direct by saying, ‘Hey Raj, it’s good to see you’. If you don’t know the person, introduce yourself with, ‘Hi, I’m Maria, what about you?’ Always smile and pay enough attention so that you don’t look like you’re just killing time.

TIP: A simple way to strike a conversation is to compliment the person, and then ask a question, for example, ‘I love your watch, where is it from?’
Start a light and casual conversation:

Avoid obscure subjects and emotionally-charged issues. Discuss general-interest subjects such as a movie you recently watched, music and books you love, a restaurant you visited or the kind of places you love travelling to. It simply demonstrates that you are approachable, friendly and willing to talk. Ask open-ended questions.
Don’t start by cribbing: If you have just met someone, you can’t walk up to him/her and say, ‘Why is life treating me like this?’ That would be like trying to sprint before warming up. Small talk helps you get a glimpse into the person before indulging in a deeper conversation.
Put away your phone: There’s nothing more annoying than talking to a person and checking your phone at the same time. Unless you show that you are involved in the conversation, people won’t take you seriously.
Find a common ground: Common ground doesn’t mean you and the other person must be hardcore chess players! You can talk about anything, like the weather, a situation both of you may have experienced or a common friend.
Do not overshare: When revealing something about yourself, make sure you don’t say too much. There are chances you may never meet the person again. Moreover, oversharing may make you seem like a self-obsessed bore.
End it well: Don’t leave the conversation abruptly. Say ‘It was great talking to you’ before leaving. And if you’ve enjoyed the person’s company, wrap up by offering to stay in touch by sharing your business card, asking if the person is on a social networking site, exchanging numbers or talking about hanging out again.
    — Inputs by Rukshana Eisa, grooming and etiquette expert, and Yadhav Mehra, life skills coach