BEHAVE YOURSELF!
The
biggest lesson to learn from the Shah Rukh-Salman hug is how to act around
those you despise
After the
raucous applause at superstars Salman Khan and Shah Rukh Khan hugging at an
iftar party hosted by a local politician this week, came the detached
blow-by-blow critique of how it wasn’t a kiss-and-make up gesture following a
five-year fued. They were just being polite, said ‘insiders’. Nothing more
should be read into it, Salman’s brother Sohail shrugged.
What the episode does serve as an effective lesson on is how to behave around people you can’t stand. Professional rivalry is rampant everywhere. But some are able to handle it better than others. “You never hear Rafael Nadal and Roger Federer bickering. They let their actions on court speak the loudest,” says corporate coach Suhail Gupta.
Psychiatrist Dr Kavita Sagarkar says, greeting each other cordially is the best thing the superstars could have done. “Actors, like professionals, struggle with rivalry, and it gets a bit more challenging for them because they are always in the media glare. It’s best if they don the hat of professionalism. They need to be bigger than their egos,” she says.
SRK-Sallu’s dislike for each other erupted years ago on the sets of a film SRK was producing, when Salman barged in to meet then girlfriend Aishwarya Rai, and created a scene. The hatred was revisited in 2008 at Salman’s later girlfriend Katrina Kaif’s birthday party, when sources say SRK commented on Aishwarya.
HANDLING DESPISE IN OFFICE
A challenging workplace is fertile ground for animosity. Impossible deadline, long hours coupled with having to put up with annoying colleagues isn’t easy. The consequence could range from annoyance to anger. “When people work together, each interaction sets up the next. If a person perceives negativity from someone, that person may already be on the defensive in the next interaction and that defensiveness in and of itself can cause further misunderstanding,” explains Dr Rick Brinkman, US-based author of Dealing With People You Can’t Stand: How to Bring Out the Best in People at Their Worst.
It’s those who have honed their communication training who are able to look at the big picture, and realise that the effort put in is an investment towards future relations. “Communication is like a phone number; you need all the digits and you need them in the right order to get through,” says Dr Brinkman, adding that conscious communication results in people proactively influencing relationships to bring out the best in others. By that yardstick, Salman and Shah Rukh are effective communicators.
AVOID RATHER THAN TAKE ON
It is reported that they avoided any contact before the ‘hug’. Till just a day before the iftaar party, they were shooting at the same suburban studio, but like always, steered clear of coming face-to-face. One school of thought says reacting to the one you hate can be more draining than if you more avoid the person or situation of conflict. By ignoring those who irritate you, you neutralise the effect. Giving a s**t works when you have no control over the situation.
DON’T FLY YOUR MOUTH
In this, the two heroes have been prudent to adopt the keep-your-distaste-to-yourself philosophy. Maligning someone through loose talk can in fact, lend you a negative image. If you must vent, do it only among your trusted few.
ASK IF IT’S YOU
During a calm moment, examine what it is exactly that you don’t like about the person; the specific behaviour that ticks you off. Is he better than you? Do you wish you had his success? Experts say jealousy often makes us wrongly assess those around us. We love no one more than ourselves, and the more different you are from another person, the less likely you are to like them. By trying to honestly understand what is bothering you, you might be able to zero in on your role in it.
SEE THE HUMOUR
Humour can help you overcome anger. Instead of remembering the hurtful words spoken or action that led to the hatred, revisit happy memories you may have shared with the person. “I teach my clients to de-anchor in such situations, think of things they did together and enjoyed,” says Dr Sagarkar.
BEST IDEA? FORGIVE
If you hate someone, it doesn’t hurt them. It hurts you because you are carrying the dead weight of stress. Forgiving releases this stress.
What the episode does serve as an effective lesson on is how to behave around people you can’t stand. Professional rivalry is rampant everywhere. But some are able to handle it better than others. “You never hear Rafael Nadal and Roger Federer bickering. They let their actions on court speak the loudest,” says corporate coach Suhail Gupta.
Psychiatrist Dr Kavita Sagarkar says, greeting each other cordially is the best thing the superstars could have done. “Actors, like professionals, struggle with rivalry, and it gets a bit more challenging for them because they are always in the media glare. It’s best if they don the hat of professionalism. They need to be bigger than their egos,” she says.
SRK-Sallu’s dislike for each other erupted years ago on the sets of a film SRK was producing, when Salman barged in to meet then girlfriend Aishwarya Rai, and created a scene. The hatred was revisited in 2008 at Salman’s later girlfriend Katrina Kaif’s birthday party, when sources say SRK commented on Aishwarya.
HANDLING DESPISE IN OFFICE
A challenging workplace is fertile ground for animosity. Impossible deadline, long hours coupled with having to put up with annoying colleagues isn’t easy. The consequence could range from annoyance to anger. “When people work together, each interaction sets up the next. If a person perceives negativity from someone, that person may already be on the defensive in the next interaction and that defensiveness in and of itself can cause further misunderstanding,” explains Dr Rick Brinkman, US-based author of Dealing With People You Can’t Stand: How to Bring Out the Best in People at Their Worst.
It’s those who have honed their communication training who are able to look at the big picture, and realise that the effort put in is an investment towards future relations. “Communication is like a phone number; you need all the digits and you need them in the right order to get through,” says Dr Brinkman, adding that conscious communication results in people proactively influencing relationships to bring out the best in others. By that yardstick, Salman and Shah Rukh are effective communicators.
AVOID RATHER THAN TAKE ON
It is reported that they avoided any contact before the ‘hug’. Till just a day before the iftaar party, they were shooting at the same suburban studio, but like always, steered clear of coming face-to-face. One school of thought says reacting to the one you hate can be more draining than if you more avoid the person or situation of conflict. By ignoring those who irritate you, you neutralise the effect. Giving a s**t works when you have no control over the situation.
DON’T FLY YOUR MOUTH
In this, the two heroes have been prudent to adopt the keep-your-distaste-to-yourself philosophy. Maligning someone through loose talk can in fact, lend you a negative image. If you must vent, do it only among your trusted few.
ASK IF IT’S YOU
During a calm moment, examine what it is exactly that you don’t like about the person; the specific behaviour that ticks you off. Is he better than you? Do you wish you had his success? Experts say jealousy often makes us wrongly assess those around us. We love no one more than ourselves, and the more different you are from another person, the less likely you are to like them. By trying to honestly understand what is bothering you, you might be able to zero in on your role in it.
SEE THE HUMOUR
Humour can help you overcome anger. Instead of remembering the hurtful words spoken or action that led to the hatred, revisit happy memories you may have shared with the person. “I teach my clients to de-anchor in such situations, think of things they did together and enjoyed,” says Dr Sagarkar.
BEST IDEA? FORGIVE
If you hate someone, it doesn’t hurt them. It hurts you because you are carrying the dead weight of stress. Forgiving releases this stress.
Aruna
Rathod MM130727
No comments:
Post a Comment