How
to Build Self Esteem (A Guide to Realize Your Hidden Power) PART II
5.How to be
build self-esteem (a step-by-step guide) CONTINUED
E. Identify who YOU are and be true to you
Self-awareness and a little soul searching
are critical to your success in life and your self-esteem. In some cases, lack
of self-esteem stems from a lack of knowing who you truly are, and the value
you bring. Many of us have spent so much time trying to fit in and please that
we’ve completely lost our sense of self.
Spend time getting to know yourself. Take
time to identify who you are. Some things to think about include
- identifying your strengths and talents
- acknowledging your value and worth,
uncovering your passions
- understanding your values and what’s
important to you
- thinking about how you want to serve or
contribute to the world
- acknowledging your blind spots
F. Accept yourself
Make the decision to accept the imperfectly
perfect you. Know that regardless of what you have been told, what has
occurred, what wrong you have done or what challenges you have faced, you are
enough. You are doing the best you can with what you have.
We all want to be accepted for who we are.
But first, we must accept ourselves.
G. Stop compromising yourself
When you let others push you around, put
everyone else’s needs before your own, or cave in to what everyone else wants
because you don’t want to rock the boat, it lowers your self-esteem. You are
putting their needs ahead of yours and your mind thinks to itself, “I
guess I’m not that important”. I worked with two different clients just
last week on this very thing. They were both putting everyone else’s needs
ahead of their own – and it was having a significant and negative impact on
their health and well-being.
Now, I’m not suggesting you shouldn’t take
care of your kids and spouse, meet your work deadlines or be there for your
friends. But you’ve also got to take care of you. We compromise ourselves to
fit in, to be loved and to be acknowledged. But if you are constantly compromising
yourself, you will never truly feel satisfied.
“Never chase love, affection or attention. If
it isn’t given freely by another person, it isn’t worth having”
How often do you let what others think of you
or need from you dictate your actions or decisions?
Be strong. Be assertive. Stand up for
yourself. It’s time to identify what you need. Identify what
you want in, and for, your life.
Decide what is important to
you. Naming these thing will give you an ‘inner compass’ to guide you. Then,
identify your boundaries and the non-negotiables in
your life. What are you not willing to put up with anymore?
Get clear on these things now, so when the time comes to push back, stand up or
politely say ‘no’, you have the ‘back-up’ and inner guidance to do so.
H. Look for the good
We tend to find what we are looking for. Put
simply, people tend to (often unconsciously) look for things that reinforce
what they already believe to be true.
The same goes for how you see yourself. If
you believe you are worthless or unlovable, you will find data to back that
belief up. However, if you believe you are worthwhile and beautiful or
courageous and strong, you will soon find data to back that up instead.
The challenge with those who suffer from low
self-esteem is that they have gotten into a habit of finding what’s wrong.
Often, there is a negative message lodged in their subconscious mind. In some
cases, they’ve just gotten really good at seeing all their faults and
shortcomings.
The easiest way to change what you see?
Change what you’re looking for. Catch yourself doing something right.
Try this: grab a journal, and for the next 21
days–each and every day–write down 3 things you value, appreciate or like about
yourself. This might include acknowledging your wins or successes, things you
are proud of, or noticing what you feel good about. While it may feel
challenging at first, you’ll soon start to rewire your brain to see more of what’s right and less of what’s wrong.
I. Stop negative self-talk
Much of your belief systems come from the
negative ‘story’ you are telling yourself. Your mind believes what you tell it
and if the story you are playing (over and over again) in your mind is one of
the worthless mistakes you’ve made, that’s what you will continue to reinforce
and strengthen in your belief systems.
Tell yourself you are worthless and
incapable; your mind will believe that. Tell yourself you are able and awesome;
your mind will believe that, too.
J. Find your tribe
Since so much of our self-esteem is influenced
by our relationships and how others see and treat us, it’s even more critical
that you surround yourself with healthy, uplifting, encouraging and supporting
people.
Now, I’m not saying you need to surround
yourself with a bunch of Pollyannas who constantly throw sparkles and
compliments your way. It has to be sincere and true.
Find people who know the real you – people
who can speak to the value you bring, your talents and worth; people who can be
real with you, sharing the positive and the constructive in an uplifting way.
K. Take chances
Many great minds have shared that failure has
been key to their success, the stepping stone to their greatness and the
catalyst to their growth. You might have heard the stories about Michael Jordan
being cut from his varsity basketball team, Oprah Winfrey being told she wasn’t
‘meant to be on TV’ and Steven Spielberg being rejected for film school not
just once, but three times.
Taking chances, experiencing failure
and building resilience is key to increasing one’s self-esteem. After all, if you never
take a chance, you will never know – and you’ll stay stuck in your story.
Each time you overcome a small challenge or
bounce back from a set-back, you build that muscle. People don’t regret
failing, they regret not trying. The more you try, the more you put yourself
out there – the stronger you and your self-worth will become.
L. Find meaning and create goals
As humans, we all need to learn, develop,
grow and contribute. When you are suffering from low self-esteem, this can
create a vicious cycle:
You don’t feel great about yourself, so you
don’t go out there and make stuff happen. Because you’re not being successful,
you feel a lack of self-worth.
It’s time to break the cycle.
Take steps that allow you to become who you
are truly capable of being. Perhaps this is about finding something that gives
you meaning, or maybe it’s about the steps you need to take to get from
where you are to where you want to be. For example, the act of helping
others–contributing, volunteering and being kind–have shown to not only
increases self-esteem, but also happiness, health and satisfaction.
Start with something small and work your way
up. Each small success will bring about greater confidence and ultimately, a
stronger sense of self-esteem.
6. Start
your journey to increase self-esteem
Let’s be honest, this is not an easy journey.
It can be challenging, but the challenge is what builds depth, strength,
character and resilience. If the reward is greater self-esteem, which leads to
greater relationships, a better career, increased health and well being, more
success, and a greater sense of self-worth, I’d say it’s worth it.
While you live in a society where you are
constantly bombarded with messages of not being enough and how you could be
better, just remember this:
You are awesome. You are deserving of love,
happiness and success. You are worthy. You are imperfectly perfect. It’s not by
chance that you have arrived here, on this planet, at this very time. You are
not a mistake. And even if you feel inadequate, unlovable or unworthy, know
that you are none of those things. You are enough! You may not be able to
believe this just yet, but some part of you, deep down inside knows this
to be true.
Now, it’s time to take the steps above and
realize it for yourself.
Tracy Kennedy
https://www.lifehack.org/688465/how-to-build-self-esteem?ck_subscriber_id=168781672
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