The Most Important
Interpersonal Skills for a Successful Career
Gone are the days where we can lock ourselves up in an
office and avoid people. More and more companies are going towards open plan
spaces and promoting transparency, collective work and communication. As an
introvert, one of the biggest challenges I’ve had in my career was working with
so many people. My type of socializing is to have everyone in one room so we
can all read our favourite books without having to talk.
But that’s unrealistic in this world, especially when the
current system is set up for extroverts as Susan Cain, the author of the
book Quiet, says.
Funnily enough, today, I run retreats, events and workshops and
spend days with hundreds of people – training many on mindset, leadership and
business. If I had known what I know today when it comes to interpersonal
skills, especially as an introvert, my life would have been a lot more easier.
Whether you’re an introvert or extrovert, if you’re someone
who’s hungry for growth and striving to climb up the ladder, in this post, I’ll
share with you the most important interpersonal skills you need to have to
create not only a successful career but also a fulfilling one.
Awareness
of Your Own Voice and Behaviors
Whenever
I hear conversations from saving ducks crossing the road to war, crime and
economic crisis, I always bring it back to self-awareness. At the end of the
day, whether it’s about career success or major crisis in the world, it always
start with us – humans. As humans, we have the power and the advantage to do
things other species in the world can’t do. And that’s self-awareness –
bringing it back to the first practical step we can take.
Self-awareness is the weapon of the next generation leaders, the
awakened ones and the heart-led way-seers. It’s about having the emotional
intelligence (EQ) and understanding how our internal reality (values, beliefs
and thoughts) can influence our external reality (actions and reactions from
others).
We’ve been listening to the media, news and others for so long
that we’ve forgotten to listen to our internal voice, gut feeling, intuitive
clarity and the connection with God, if you will. So when we start to pay
attention to our thoughts, we become self-aware. And when we become self-aware,
rather than re-acting, we’re now presented with choices on how we respond to
situations.
As Viktor Frankl said,
“Between
stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose
our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
Confidence
to Take on Challenges
I see
many people going round and round in the vicious cycle of lack of confidence
and wanting to achieve goals. I feel that self-confidence is a bit overrated
today. Yes we need it for success and yes that will help us create so many
opportunities but let’s take a pause and go back to the basics.
Where does it come from? Lack of self-confidence can stem from
having been programmed since young by others that we’re not good enough, not
fully understanding the task we’re doing, actively creating stories in our head
that are not beneficial for us and not having mastery in that particular area.
Most importantly, when we say we don’t have the confidence, most of the time
we’re comparing ourselves to someone else by minimising ourselves and putting
them on the pedestal.
So what if we forget for a moment, the whole pressure of needing
to have the confidence, and rather just focus on the task in front of us and
get really good at it? Mastery takes time and mastery takes practice. But by
taking action and creating consistent practice, we also develop confidence
along the way. Win-win-win? Yes please.
Communicate Through
Words and Actions
The
communication methods we’ve been taught have gotten us this far. However, we’re
now at a time where people are asking for authenticity, vulnerability and
speaking from the heart. This is an opportunity for us to start changing the
way we communicate with others so we all can become more real with each other
and more connected with our heart. And that communication is not only
communicating from words, gestures or tones, it’s also about communicating
energetically.
It’s not news that we’re made of up energy and the ‘vibe’ the we
feel from others is the electromagnetic frequency that’s emitted from the
heart. Back in 1993, a social science study was done where 4000 meditators
gathered to meditate, and there was a 23.3% drop in crime rate in Washington
DC.
Overall in the world, there are more people practicing
mindfulness meditation now than ever before. More and more people are going to
the retreats and jungles. We’re becoming more empathetic and we’re starting to
feel more. That means when we meet with others, both virtually and physically,
we’ve already communicated a large chunk of information through our energy
before the words are even said.
But where does that energy come from? Our emotions.
As you already know, our thoughts create feelings, feelings
create emotions and emotions create energy, and then leads to our behaviours.
Therefore, a big part of our communication relies on our thoughts. So when
we’re dealing with others, it’s important that we’re in the right state of mind
so that we can convey a message congruently through both our words and actions.
Listen
to Understand
Dale
Carnegie, the author of How To Win Friends and Influence People,
says that people love to talk – especially about themselves. People want to be
heard. When we’re fully present and listen attentively with the intent to
understand, that’s one of the quickest ways to win friends and influence
people.
As an introvert, one of my strengths has always been listening.
Since young, I have always been the go-to person among my friends for them to
seek counsel. When I was in my corporate career, I was one of the most trusted
people by the senior management. Now today in my coaching and training business,
my clients share about the secrets that they’ve never told people that are
holding them back in their lives.
One of the few things people tend to do when someone else is
speaking is jumping in before they finish and jumping to conclusions. And also
listening but not remembering what they’re saying. Presence is importance when
we listen. In order to be present, we must have the willingness to listen with
the intent to understand rather than listen with the intent to respond.
Negotiate
and Persuade for a Positive Cause
In any
type of career, these are one of the essential skills that will allow you to be
able to influence others with the direction that you want to take. However, in
order for us to be able to negotiate and persuade others, we need to have the
first four traits so we can come from a place of empathy and compassion.
Ability to speak up and speak our truth is also important here.
Many people – especially women – from my experience, have trouble asking for
what they want and persuade without getting emotional. It’s important that we
have the desired result in mind while we’re going this process but at the same
time, have the ability to remain unattached to the outcome.
Brian Tracy, world renowned motivational speaker, says that the
only difference between those who succeed and those who don’t is the ability to
follow through. When it’s time to present our opinions and speak up, we do this
a lot in our heads but we don’t take action. When we’re negotiating and
persuading others, it’s a critical skill to hold space ourselves, present
ourselves with confidence, speak with facts, negotiate with empathy and follow
through with our intentions.
Lead
Yourself First Before Anyone Else
There
are many aspects to hone in on our leadership skills. Today, I’d like to come
from a perspective where we do the introspective inquiry work. In the
book Shakti Leadership, one of the best selling books on
leadership, it says that we need to acknowledge and make the fragmented parts
of ourselves whole in order to lead successfully. Ken Wilber, a well-known
writer on transpersonal psychology, is also well-known for this process where
we look at different identities of ourselves.
For example, we have the Control Freak, the Seeker, the
Visionary, the Driver and the Wounded Self. There are more identities out there
but let’s stick to these five parts. The Control Freak will always want to make
sure she gets everything according to her way and get everything perfect. But
the Driver will just focus on making things happen. Even just looking at these
two parts, when they exist within our mind and there will be conflict and
stress.
In my Leadership workshops, I tackle leadership from self
introspection perspective because at the end of the day, if we can’t lead
ourselves, how can we lead others successfully? If we don’t have empathy and
clarity towards ourselves, how can we show that to others?
As a leader, we need to get our ‘inner’ team right first. That
means, we need to negotiate with all parts of ourselves in a way that we can work
in harmonious ways. In fact, I just did this exercise with one of my clients,
who is an Executive Coach. She’s a perfectionist who has to get things right
before she can get things done. That means, she can never get things done
without conflict within herself because the Perfectionist in her needs to take
time to make sure everything is right.
However, the Driver within herself gets extremely frustrated
because she can’t get things done quick. We dug deep and did some work.
Eventually we were able to lead all parts of herself. The Perfectionist finally
decided to step back until the projects are completed by the Driver so she can
come in and do the final check. Now everyone’s happy.
In order to lead a successful career, we must first be able to
lead within ourselves, know ourselves and understand all parts of ourselves.
Small
Shifts Within Profound Great Shifts Externally
There are many other areas that we can look at but if we just
focus on these points now, that will allow you to hone in on your interpersonal
skills. At the end of the day, people around us are the mirror reflection of
ourselves. Therefore, when we start to make these shifts within ourself
internally, then we will be able to start seeing positive and profound shifts
in our external reality.
Arabelle Yee
https://www.lifehack.org/623724/the-most-important-interpersonal-skills-for-a-successful-career?ck_subscriber_id=168781672
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