How to Keep Your Smartphone from Hurting Your Relationships
Research suggests ways to manage your smartphone use so you stay
connected to the people around you.
By 2016, 77 percent of U.S. adults owned a
smartphone. Although they’re just small rectangular
objects in our pockets, smartphones are leading to significant shifts in how we
interact with the world.
Sensationalist news headlines tell us that “smartphones have destroyed a generation” and “social media is ripping apart society.”
But what does the research say?
Indeed, young people who use electronic
devices more tend to experience greater depression and worse mood.
And smartphones seem to be particularly problematic for relationships, leading
to social interactions that are lower-quality and less empathic.
But there are a wide range of ways you can use your smartphone—from taking
photos with your friends to envious Facebook stalking—and only some of them are
detrimental.
So, how do you keep your smartphone from
harming your connection to others? These research-backed strategies can help
protect your relationships in a variety of social situations.
1.
Don’t replace face-to-face interactions with electronic interactions
The amount of time we spend using electronic
communication has increased considerably since
the release of the smartphone. Because we only have a limited amount of time
each day, smartphone use can lead us to spend less time with others,
which, over time, can drastically and negatively impact our lives.
Why? Because ample research shows that
building strong social relationships is one of the best things we can do for
our mental and physical health,
and it may be easier and faster for us to build these relationships in person.
Engaging in face-to-face social interactions tends to improve our mood and
reduce depression. Other activities that involve other people—such as attending religious services or engaging in exercise
or sports—also have positive effects on our mental
health. Without these experiences, our mental health suffers.
The convenience of the smartphone has made it
easier to pass up meaningful social interactions. Although only 23 percent of people say
they occasionally use their phone to avoid interacting with others, the rest of
us may just opt for what’s easy. We may peruse our friends’ Facebook pages
instead of asking them how they’re doing. We may opt to watch Netflix instead
of going to the theater with friends. For optimal mental health, though, it seems
we should choose face-to-face interactions whenever possible.
2.
Don’t use your phone when you’re with other people
To build those strong, in-person
relationships, we also have to be mindful of how we use our phones around
others.
If you’re with someone and they start using
their smartphone, the social interaction tends to be lower-quality.
As you’ve probably experienced, it can break the connection, stall a
conversation, and make you feel unheard. Most people believe that it’s not OK
to use smartphones during social events, and 82 percent believe that smartphone
use at social gatherings actually hurts conversations, at least occasionally.
Paradoxically, we continue to use oursmartphones.
In one study,
89 percent of smartphone users said that they used their phone during the most
recent social gathering. And most people believe that their own smartphone
use doesn’t take much, if any, of their attention away from the group.
To add insult to injury, when we use our
smartphones during social interactions, we also diminish our own experience. One study suggested
that people who use their smartphone while dining out with friends experience
less interest and enjoyment and more boredom than people who don’t. A similar
phenomenon was observed in other types of social interactions.
We seem to be blind to the fact that
using ourphones around others can negatively impact our lives, even
though we are perfectly aware of the damage when other people do it.
So when you’re tempted to pull out your phone
at a social event, try to remember how it feels when someone else “phubs” you.
3.
Keep your phone out of sight during meaningful conversations
Even refraining from using your phone might
not be enough in certain situations. Research suggests
that smartphones can be highly distracting, with more than half of Americans
saying that smartphones have made it harder to give others their undivided
attention. Some research further
shows that just having a smartphone present on a table—not even in use—while
engaging in a meaningful conversation can reduce the empathy, trust, and
relationship quality between the people.
Imagine how it feels when you’re pouring your
heart out to someone and they don’t really understand you or respond to
you—maybe they even glance at their phone from time to time. The ability to be
present and listen attentively is key to building
trust with others. And if we can’t do that, we risk the health
of our relationships—something to remember the next time you’re having an
important conversation.
4.
Don’t let your smartphone stop you from socializing with strangers
A growing body of research suggests
that even seemingly trivial interactions with strangers—like chatting with a
barista or cashier—play a big role in how socially connected we feel. How might
smartphones affect these interactions? Well, to the extent that we are on our
smartphones instead of having casual interactions with others, we miss out on
opportunities to connect.
In one study,
researchers found that having a smartphone on hand led people who needed
directions to primarily rely on the phone and not ask others for help. As a
result of not interacting with others, the people with smartphones felt less
socially connected and thus worse overall (even though they got to their
destination faster). This suggests that smartphones can eliminate social
interactions in small but important ways that could have long-term consequences
on our lives.
After spending the last few decades hearing,
“don’t talk to strangers,” we understandably feel some trepidation about
talking to people we don’t know. But choosing to reach out to another human
being, in many circumstances, can be extremely valuable for our well-being and
theirs.
5.
If you’re connecting online, be active
We often like to think—or we’ve been
told—that social media like Facebook and Twitter can help us connect with
others. But it turns out that using electronic devices to connect socially doesn’t
work very well, at least not in the short-term.
A recent study showed
that our mood and feelings of social connection aren’t any better when
communicating online than when not socializing at all. In fact, the more a
person mainly interacts with others online, the worse their mood and the lower
their feelings of social connection.
It’s human nature to
need connection. So instead of passively surfing online or on social media,
which we almost invariably do alone, opt instead to do something that involves
the active participation of others. For example, one study found
that high schoolers who more frequently chat online or use computers with
friends tend to have higher-quality friendships. This suggests that technology
can be used as a prop when building stronger relationships.
6.
Connect with people on your smartphone to cope with pain
Although most of the research suggests that
you should prioritize face-to-face interactions over electronic interactions,
in-person interactions are not always possible. When a parent is traveling for
work or a close friend has moved out of state, then what do you do?
Research suggests that electronic
interactions can be beneficial for building and maintaining
bonds that couldn’t otherwise exist. Actively chatting or reaching out to
people whom you cannot see face-to-face does
seem to have benefits, like feeling more socially connected.
In times of need, reaching out for social
support on a smartphone seems to be especially helpful. For example, patients
in one study were
assigned to one of four groups. During a minor surgery, they had to text
message a stranger, text message a companion, play a distracting game (Angry
Birds) on their smartphone, or not use their smartphone at all. Ultimately,
people who text-messaged either a companion or a stranger needed less
painkillers than those who didn’t use their smartphone. This research goes to
show that we get a wide range of benefits from social connection, which our
smartphones can provide if no other options are available.
In sum, there are many potential ways that
smartphones can be detrimental to our social lives. At the same time,
smartphones can make many daily tasks easier.
The key is to figure out when and for whom they will be helpful or harmful, and
researchers are now exploring these questions.
If you can’t possibly imagine getting rid of
your smartphone, keep this simple advice in mind: Connect with others, mostly
in-person, and keep your smartphone stowed away in case of emergencies.
BY TCHIKI DAVIS
https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_to_keep_your_smartphone_from_hurting_your_relationships?utm_source=Greater+Good+Science+Center&utm_campaign=c0bbd81612-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_GG_Newsletter_Apr+4+2018&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_5ae73e326e-c0bbd81612-51482775
No comments:
Post a Comment