Look for the Golden Mean
Living life on
your own terms is important but at times you need to bend the rules for greater
happiness
As I grow older, I realise the
futility of doing anything I do not really want to do. It leaves me with a bad
taste and a sense of wasted time, energy and a precious bit of life. Life
barely gives us enough time to do all that satisfies and pleases us. How then
will we meet our life goals if we go around on idle chases?
One just has to learn to say ‘No’.
‘No’ to wasteful moments, ‘no’ to what your very being revolts against. ‘No’ to
anything that distracts you from your primary pursuits or questions your
ethics.
However, sometimes you cannot say
‘No’ to people precious to you. We are forced to go along with some things that
may not meet our desires or beliefs. And quite often we may be required to make
compromises for the happiness of our loved ones. What do we do then? We try and
establish a Golden Mean. When it concerns those we love, sensible people try
and patch and maintain rather than fight, oppose or even break off. And evolved
souls even learn to be happy about the compromise, despite their own differing
beliefs.
One important way to cruise along
smoothly in life is to understand when to stand firm and when to bow and give
in. Moral virtue as defined by Aristotle, is a disposition to behave in the
right, middle manner without falling prey to extremes. Sometimes, you need to lay
down arms and go along with what makes your loved ones happy, falling in line
with their beliefs. And once you opt to go along, you have the choice of doing
so under obvious duress – or happily. With the former, you risk antagonising or
embarrassing them. But if you can skirt around your own ego and make some smart
adjustments, you have opened up a completely new path for all.
Recently a friend’s son and his
girlfriend decided to move in together. Though very happy for them, my friend
was unsure how to respond to the moving-in bit and the fact that they didn’t
believe in marriage. She worried about the future and also about what others
would think. As a parent of an old enough son, she didn’t think it proper to
interfere, and yet, she had to deal with her own emotions and those of her old
parents. Finally, it was her mother who came up with a decision that made them
all happy.
“They may not marry – that is
their decision,” said the evolved lady. “But I will nevertheless want them to
be blessed by God and to exchange rings. I insist on a prayer ceremony at
home.” And so she organised a ‘Blessing’ ceremony for the immediate family. And
with this one smart decision, the atmosphere in the household changed and my
friend’s doubts disappeared. All at once it became a proper shaadi ka
ghar with the same excitement and joy.
So what if the marriage mantras
were not read, formal wedding vows not exchanged? The boy and girl loved each
other enough to want to spend a lifetime together. Vows were exchanged in their
hearts and minds while family blessed them amidst chanting of prayers. What
could be better? And now my friend says excitedly, “I have a daughter finally;
I am so lucky!”
Just one smart decision and some
adjustment can make all the difference. Look for that golden mean towards a
golden compromise that keeps all happy.
VinitaDawra.Nangia@timesgroup.com
ST18FEB18
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