Emotionally Intelligent Ways
To Express These 5 Feelings At Work
No matter what emotions you’re experiencing, there’s a way to channel
them to project leadership.
You’ve heard by now that you need to be “transparent” and “authentic” and to “bring your whole self” to work. More often
than not, these phrases are shorthand for expressing your feelings. But while
it’s true that you need an emotionally intelligent approach both to build a great
work culture and to advance your own
career, there’s more to it than just wearing your
feelings on your sleeve.
Showing emotional savvy isn’t only about
candor, though that’s certainly part of it. Properly channeling your emotions
in the workplace is a powerful leadership skill. With that in mind, here’s how
to calibrate and convey five of the most common emotions you’re likely to
experience at work.
1. VULNERABILITY
In his 2012 book The Advantage, Patrick Lencioni argues that good leaders show their
vulnerability by using expressions like “I screwed up,” “I need help,” and
“Your idea is better than mine.” He’s right that humility and vulnerability
matter. But there’s a fine line between sharing your insecurities and
undercutting yourself as a leader.
For example, if you tell your
coworker you’re accepted a speaking gig because you want to work on your
speaking skills–public speaking has never come easily to you–that’s sharing a
vulnerability in a way that supports, rather than undermines, your leadership;
your colleague will probably admire your courage and feel touched by your
honesty. But if you get up in public to give a speech and tell the audience you’re
not comfortable with public speaking, that undercuts your ability and lowers
their expectations.
2. EMPATHY
Showing empathy brings you closer to everyone
you come into contact with, but it’s possible to go overboard. There are times
when conveying empathy in certain ways can actually weaken your ability to
lead.
Suppose a team member is having a crisis in
his personal life and has been seen in the bar around the corner drinking
heavily after work with his staff. The best form of empathy is to help your
team member work through the problem without enabling his behavior. Speak with
him privately and offer to connect him with any counseling and support offered
by your company’s HR department. Make yourself available for one-on-one
conversation. But if the destructive habits persist, you may need to discipline
or fire the individual.
It’s one thing to empathize with difficulties
your team members may be having, but it’s another to let that compromise your
leadership or tacitly encourage a toxic work culture. It takes emotional
intelligence to try and understand someone’s point of view without adopting it
yourself.
3. JOY
Many companies try to create happy work
environments through free food, games, and fun rituals means to blow off steam.
But some of those experiences can create a giddy kind of joy, which can
sometimes lead to an atmosphere dominated by extroverts who aren’t focusing
enough on their work. Too much loud, exuberant activity can distract and
alienate people who are trying to get things done.
A better way to cultivate and express joy at
work is simply to share your excitement about the work you’re doing with your
team. Emphasize the fun of collaborating. This joy is contagious, and
because it instills a sense of purpose, dedication, and fulfillment in others,
it won’t tilt into a constant party atmosphere.
4. ANGER
Anger emerges from frustration, anxiety, and
conflict, but yelling and screaming is never the right response. The first step
toward channelling your anger in an emotionally intelligent way is simply to
step back and ask yourself whether the situation warrants such negative
feelings. If on closer consideration it doesn’t, then try to let it go.
This usually means removing yourself
temporarily from the source of your frustration so you can get a little
clarity. After you’ve done that, find words that let you express your
concerns to whoever’s responsible in an assertive but not aggressive way. Avoid
accusatory language, and focus on the solution rather than the problem.
It’s actually okay to
get angry at workevery now and then, but venting never
helps.
5. FEAR
Fear is another inevitable emotion you’ll
encounter at work–usually due to awkward interpersonal situations. Maybe you’re
afraid to ask your boss for a promotion or to press for a client to finally
tell you if you’ve got a deal. So you hem and haw, get tongue-tied, or
decide not to broach the uncomfortable subject at all.
The better approach is to acknowledge your
anxiety and recognize that you’re going to feel uncomfortable,
but that there are other things about the situation worth paying attention to
as well: the desired outcome, for example, or facts on your side. When
your fear stems from confronting a higher-up, remember that title and rank
don’t define leadership. The more you speak up and show confidence in the face
of authority, the more leadership you’ll be able to project despite your
underlying nervousness.
Emotional intelligence involves dealing with
our emotions so that they serve–rather than undermine–your leadership. Don’t
try to “manage” or suppress them, but if you can pause long enough to consider
how to communicate your feelings, you and your coworkers will
always be better off.
BY JUDITH
HUMPHREY
https://www.fastcompany.com/40529677/emotionally-intelligent-ways-to-express-these-5-feelings-at-work?utm_source=postup&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Fast%20Company%20Daily&position=5&partner=newsletter&campaign_date=02192018
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