How to Build Confidence From Scratch
Michael Edwards, better known as Eddie “The Eagle” is a British
skier whom no one believed in before he made it to the Olympics.
Eddie was slightly overweight, extremely far sighted (he wore
thick glasses) and trained in second hand equipment. At times he even stayed in
a Finnish mental hospital because he couldn’t afford genuine accommodation.
Many people came to doubt his ability as a skier. If he didn’t have
confidence in himself, he could never have endured all this, and never would
have made it to the Olympics; which he did, and became internationally loved as
a figurehead and emblem of the Olympic spirit.
When I think about all the great people like Eddie, who achieved
greatness through their confidence, I wonder where it came from. I don’t think
confidence came naturally to them. It didn’t come naturally to me.
If confidence
doesn’t come naturally, where is it from?
When I was a small child, before attending school I remember my
friends and I seemed almost limitless in confidence. We lived fearlessly.
Though all our lives were open to us, we never looked forward and worried. We
had not collected any regrets. I remember nobody seemed more confident
than anyone else, nobody carried themselves as superior.
All this changed at school. In school, competition is
entrenched. It didn’t matter what we did or studied, whether we studied
English, Art, P.E, some naturally stuck out, scored better and were rewarded
for it. Our conduct at school even separated us. This in turn seemed to affect
self confidence.
I was never a straight-a student. My grades were good but not
great. I was never one of the kids rewarded for some high grade or performance,
and never had their levels of self esteem.
Confidence for me came later.
In high school, I discovered my passion for technology. I loved
writing code (I still do) and each successful program I wrote, each line of
effective code was rewarding to me in a way I never felt before. Each time
something didn’t work, or when I came across a difficult bug to overcome, I was
presented with an exciting challenge. I received no praise in school
for it, no accolades, but that didn’t matter. I was doing what I loved, and
every time after solving a difficult coding problem, my confidence grew.
Here I discovered something that changed my entire outlook on
confidence and ability. Self confidence can never be found outside.
It is something that only comes from you. No matter how much you
look, or where you look, no matter how much praise you do or don’t get, you
will never find confidence unless it comes from within.
Confidence came from working though difficulties, making myself
work on challenging pieces. It didn’t seem to matter if I succeeded or failed
(but I’ve long known that even if you fail a hundred times, you will succeed
if you are able to keep trying). I only needed to keep pushing myself and
confidence grew as a result.
Confidence
comes when challenges are overcome
When struggles
are overcome, it feels good, and there’s a great deal of satisfaction. From
this satisfaction comes confidence.
Perhaps you have an unhealthy lifestyle and losing weight, doing
exercises and going on diets are the difficult things for you. Perhaps,
you are shy. Delivering a talk in front of a large audience will then be
something difficult to you. Or perhaps you are a perfectionist, then embracing
mistakes will be the most difficult thing for you.
No matter what it might be, you probably felt proud, strong, and
sure in your abilities once you overcame that obstacle. That is the true
feeling of confidence earned through effort and experience.
Confidence
grows from doubt and criticism
There will be
setbacks and disappointments. There will be failures because many breakthroughs
require trial and error. There will be criticisms because everyone is far
from perfect at the very beginning.
When I first started Lifehack, it took a long time to gain
readers. It took me a while to get 100 visitors. This was difficult for me
because I had great ambitions for this site, and for a time it seemed doomed to
fail. I received plenty of criticism. Some thought that the world didn’t
need another advice site, others thought there was something wrong with the
idea itself. It was hard for me not to listen to them and agree.
But in the end, I believed in my dream and persisted. I
tweaked the layout, reconsidered how the articles would be structured and
written. Made the site more user friendly. The team grew with the hiring of
some extremely dynamic and talented people. With each determined effort,
the site grew in popularity, and a few years later we have now influenced
millions.
Pushing out of my comfort zone and getting past the most
difficult challenges were the greatest factors in growing my confidence.
Pushing yourself through is tough, I’m not denying that.
They wouldn’t be called “challenges” if it were otherwise. But there is a
quote by Churchill that I think about whenever I am faced with new ones, a
quote that I feel relates to everything I’ve written about above:
“If you’re
going through hell, keep going”
Some people avoid challenges. Perhaps they may have failed
at something one too many times, perhaps they’ve been told that they lack
something needed to succeed. Instead they rely on stability, coasting through
life. This can be fine for them, but ultimately its restrictive.
They will never grow in confidence, and their fear of failure will become
so powerful that will give up before seeing success.
The key to self confidence is to face every challenge head
on. With every challenge you face and overcome, your
confidence will grow to face the next. Welcome the challenges that come,
don’t avoid them. They are all opportunities in disguise to feed your
growth.
Leon Ho
http://www.lifehack.org/610923/how-to-build-self-confidence-from-scratch?ref=mail&mtype=newsletter_tier_2&mid=20170714&uid=687414&hash=707e797f7e757e6d794c856d747b7b3a6f7b79&utm_source=newsletter_tier_2&utm_medium=email&action=click
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