Do These 5 Emotionally Intelligent Things Within 5 Minutes Of
Meeting Someone
Being instantly likable isn’t rocket science, but this
checklist takes practice to master in the short space of a first impression.
What’s the point of networking if not to get
other people to like you? Sure, you need new contacts to see you as
interesting, competent, professional, and potentially valuable to them—but if
they don’t also find you likable, nobody will feel motivated to
reach out later and work with you.
The reason why all comes down to emotional
intelligence, the set of skills and qualities that allow people to form deeper,
closer relationships with others. Likability is a key ingredient in that,
and its career
benefits are pretty obvious. For instance, being
likable—and liking your coworkers in return—can increase
your chances of getting promoted.
But when it comes to first impressions, you
don’t always have much time to get people to like you. So here are a few
straightforward things that the most emotionally intelligent people do to
cement their likability from the get-go:
1. SHOW GENUINE ENTHUSIASM FOR
MEETING
Especially in business contexts, some
people’s demeanors while making introductions are terse and serious. That might
feel formal and “appropriate,” but it’s not always the most emotionally
intelligent thing to do. Neither is laying it on thick with a forced grin and
over-the-top proclamations about how absolutely wonderful it
is to meet.
Just be natural. Pretend you’re meeting a
sibling’s new significant other at a social occasion. Give your best, authentic
smile. Open up your posture so your legs are at a wide stance but you’re
relaxed. Make eye contact, offer a firm handshake. It’s that easy.
2. OFFER A COMPLIMENT
If you notice something about the person
you’ve just met that you can compliment them about, do it right away.
Maybe there’s a recent accomplishment you’re aware of that you could mention.
If not, ask a question or two that can lead to information
you can later compliment them on.
Emotionally intelligent people are great
listeners right from the moment they make acquaintances. They know that
most people love to talk about themselves and will like and appreciate
anybody who’ll earnestly listen. The problem is that most of the
time—especially in the moment or two after meeting someone—we’re too busy thinking
about our own responses and can’t wait for the next opportunity to jump
in. This tendency is natural, and it sometimes gets worse when we’re
nervous.
So treat the first five minutes after meeting
somebody as a silent quiz session: Pretend you’re being tested to see how much
you can find out about the new acquaintance—that when five minutes are up,
you’ll have to write an essay about everything you’ve just learned, and the
more information you include, the higher your score.
3. ASK AT LEAST TWO OPEN-ENDED
QUESTIONS
Conversations often die quickly or turn into
monologues when they aren’t propelled forward by good questions. When
someone starts talking about something they enjoy, use that as an opening
to ask more: “How did you get into that?” “What do you like most about it?”
Since it’s something they’re clearly dying to talk about it, don’t just ask
yes/no or simple factual questions that might cut off their chance to really
dig into it.
Aim for at least two open-ended questions
within the first few minutes of striking up a chat with somebody you’ve
just met. That should be enough to get a good, in-depth conversation going. On
a subconscious level, you’ll quickly become somebody they remember liking and
will want to be around.
4. FIND SOMETHING YOU SHARE
Have you ever spoken with someone and found
them distracted, glancing around the room or maybe maybe fiddling with
their phone while you were speaking? If you did, there’s a slim chance you came
away really liking them afterward. In order to make someone feel like
they’re getting your full attention, you obviously need to focus on them
exclusively. But you also have to find an interest or belief you both share.
The most emotionally intelligent people know
that it’s easiest to connect with people they’ve found something in common
with. These commonalities might not always be obvious, though; you have to look
for them. For example, there’s a really experienced runner who works out
at my gym, and we often have a chance to chat. Since I personally have
zero interest in running, there wouldn’t seem to be common ground for a
meaningful conversation beyond, “Good to see you again, how’s your week going?”
But since most people like food, I once asked him what he
eats before a major long-distance run. It gave us something in common to
talk about.
These conversational openings are really
simple but not always obvious right away just after meeting someone. Pay
attention to what makes somebody light up, become more animated, and sit up
straight. These little cues are easy to catch early on in your conversation,
and they can make for great opportunities to quickly find commonalities,
passions, and ideas to talk about in those crucial few minutes while we’re
forming first impressions.
5. SAY THEIR NAME BEFORE YOU
LEAVE, AND COMMIT KEY FACTS TO MEMORY
Everybody loves the sound of their own name.
Say it when you first meet someone; then sprinkle it throughout the
conversation whenever you get the chance. At a minimum, make sure to say their
name when you’re about to leave: “Really great meeting you, Shareen.” “Thanks
for chatting, Kyle, let’s be in touch.”
Finally, emotionally intelligent people
reinforce the likability they’ve banked during first impressions by remembering
a few key details later on. The names of a new acquaintance’s partner, kids,
even the pets they have or that vacation recommendation they shared—that’s
all useful information to refer back to the next time you see them. It’ll
help you stand out in their memory, and make them look forward to
connecting with you again—because for some reason or other, they find that they
just like you.
BY HARVEY DEUTSCHENDORF
https://www.fastcompany.com/40441365/do-these-5-emotionally-intelligent-things-within-5-minutes-of-meeting-someone?utm_source=mailchimp&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=fcdaily-top&position=8&partner=newsletter&campaign_date=07192017
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