How Emotionally Intelligent People Deal With Anger
Anger is an extremely powerful emotion. If
you display it constantly, others will avoid you like the plague. On the other
hand, keep it bottled up inside and you become a pressure cooker that
will inevitably blow its top--leading to actions that you later regret.
Emotional intelligence (EQ), or the
ability to recognize and understand emotions, and then use that information to
guide decision making, is extremely useful in helping you to deal with anger
effectively.
Save your
energy.
EQ will lead you to recognize that you have
to choose your battles.
For example, a situation may cause you to
become angry because you don't fully understand it. You
might witness an action and perceive it to be an injustice, but every situation
has context and background, much of which you aren't privy to. Keeping that
point in mind will keep you from butting into situations that really don't
involve you.
And if certain people or situations get your
blood boiling (and you don't need them for your everyday work), why not simply
avoid them to the extent possible?
A balanced view.
The truth is, there are plenty of instances
when you're right to get angry.
For example, let's say a certain colleague of
yours really gets on your nerves. You know the type--always leaving unwashed
dishes in the sink, constantly complaining, often disrespectful. You've endured
this behavior for a while, and one day you're moved to do something about it.
Your anger is producing something positive:
It's time to address an unacceptable situation.
So, how do you move forward? You could simply
go off on your colleague, calling him out publicly on all of his negative
behaviors and telling him that everyone's sick and tired of it. Will that
change his behavior? Possibly. But is that really how you want to handle the
situation? Not only will this adversely affect your relationship with this
co-worker, but you may damage your reputation and that of others as well.
In contrast, if you take time to think your
actions and their consequences through, your strategy will be much more
effective. Of course, in the heat of the moment, you won't always be inspired
to sit back and reflect on the situation. That's why it's important to learn to
keep control.
Controlling your anger.
Anger is like fire. It can be a useful tool,
or it can be hideously destructive.
Certain situations require an immediate
response, as when you witness some type of abuse or bullying, be it physical or
psychological. But in other cases, smaller things could cause your anger to
build up to the point at which you're in danger of losing control of your
emotions.
If you feel that's happening to you, try the
following:
1. Leave.
If you're in the middle of an extremely
uncomfortable situation, it's difficult to not say the first thing that comes
to mind. Before doing or saying something that you'll surely regret, get
yourself away from the situation.
2. Take a few minutes to breathe
deeply.
According to the American Psychological Association (APA), deep breathing is one of the fastest ways to reduce the
intensity of your anger.
Repeating a word or phrase that is calming to
you (such as "relax," "let it go," or "take
it easy") can also help soothe angry feelings.
3. Immerse yourself in something
you enjoy.
Once you take a break from the situation,
look to engage in something that will divert your attention and help you calm
down. Try reading, listening to music, or some other activity you find
relaxing.
4. Try non-strenuous exercise.
Go for a walk, a bike ride, or do some
stretching. This can relieve the tension in your muscles and help you relax.
Putting it all
together.
All of us will get angry from time to time.
But using these strategies will help you to increase your EQ, control your
anger, and express your feelings in a way that benefits everyone.
BY JUSTIN BARISO
http://www.inc.com/justin-bariso/how-emotionally-intelligent-people-deal-with-anger.html?cid=em01016week48a
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