PERSONAL
SPECIAL Don't just settle down
Settling down is no longer anyone's
goal; stirring up and unsettling is a far more exciting option
If “settling down“ was the mantra of
the last generation, it is an anathema to the present gen. Earlier, barely had
one completed graduation that the pressure to `settle down' would start
building. Though girls bore the brunt, it wasn't much better for guys either.
Settling down for a girl could mean either of two things career or marriage.
In a guy's case, it meant both.
And so we settled into jobs and
marriages, and our parents felt satisfied they had performed their worldly
duties. We played it safe by settling into a secure life, with a steady
marriage, safe job, stable friends, daily routines and the comfort of
familiarity. This little world then became our haven, where we experienced
life. Taking time off to understand or `discover' oneself was not heard of. You
just got along in life and it taught you whatever you needed to know.
Stress took care of itself; you
didn't need shopping trips or spa and ashram `breaks' to resuscitate and
revitalise yourself. Praying and meditation were private affairs; you didn't
talk about your Buddhist chanting, mantra reciting, Reiki practice or community
service at the local gurudwara. Hiccups were smothered; creases smoothened out;
the world wasn't informed, nor did it proffer advice. Families didn't need
holidays as exercises in bonding; they ate together and prayed together. Some
did step out of set comfort zones, but those were aberrations.
Today, it is the rule not to follow
any rules. Youngsters begin life by setting off on self-discovery voyages. Some
talk about knowing their `calling', but most take a gap year (or years) to
understand what they really want from life. The goal has shifted; it is neither
marriage nor career those happen along the way. Now, the aim is
self-discovery and maximising your potential. That happens when you understand
choices available and your own potential and inclinations. Youngsters today
take the time to examine these.
Parents seem to understand the urge
and are willing to provide the cushioning.No longer do we pressurise our
children to “settle down fast“. In fact, we learn with them as they grow up. We
are with them in this journey, discovering our own potential and figuring out
our own selves. In fact, since we start our own journey late, we are in a
greater hurry to get on with it.It suits us to have independent children taking
care of their needs and ambitions; we still have our own dreams to unveil and
live.
Interestingly, as children step out
to find themselves, parents simultaneously begin the journey of discovering
their own potential, needs and desires for the next phase of life when kids
have flown the nest and retirement is a reality.
No, now we do not think of “settling
down“ into retirement as we did into life when we were young. Now, we know that
it is time to begin an other life, and if we are smart enough, to prepare for
second ca reers.
And while we question, search and
discover, we stir up life's cauldron, creating new patterns, as we never did
before. In learning and unlearn ing ourselves, we bring into focus everything
we took for granted. It helps bring life into perspective and gives us a great
advantage in under standing our children. We are in the journey of
self-discovery together.
Those on the verge of first careers
and first loves, and those looking for a second innings, are together dis
covering and talking about spiritu ality, gravitating towards communi ty
service, taking off on treks and re juvenation sessions, learning self
sustaining mechanisms and learn ing to live and love themselves. And guess
what, the older generation too is no longer just sitting back praying, waiting
for life to end. They engage in active lifestyles of their own, and are not
unknown to question their lives and attitudes something unheard of a
generation ago! So, with the new mantra being `stir up and discover', nobody
anymore is happy just `settling down' to anything least of all to life!
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vinitadawra nangia
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TL28JUN15
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