6 Toxic People Who May
Be Sabotaging Your Happiness
o
I once read a quote by motivational
speaker Jim Rohn that
blatantly stated, "You're the average of the five people you spend the
most time with." It's an alarming thought -- shouldn't you be your own person, and not the sum
of those around you?
However, if you think
about it, Rohn's theory kind of makes sense. We're influenced by our environment, which
undoubtedly includes the people in it. If one of our "five people"
wants to go out on a Saturday night, chances are we will, too. If they have a
specific opinion on how to handle a conflict, chances are we share those same
thoughts.
But what happens when one
of your "five" is someone who just isn't good
for you?
"These kind of relationships can be devastating,"
Harry Reis, Ph.D., a social interaction researcher and professor of psychology
at the University of Rochester, tells The Huffington Post. "There are just
some relationships that can be harmful to our health. They put you in emotional
-- and sometimes physical -- distress."
Below are six types of stressful relationships we're likely to
encounter at some point in our lives and how they affect our psychological
well-being, plus, most importantly, what to do about it.
The
Person Who Doesn't Like You
There are more than 7 billion people in the world, which makes
it extremely improbable that we're going to get along with every single one. As
author Marcia Reynolds, PsyD, points out, not getting along with everyone can
actually help you focus on what really matters.
"The more you can
come to accept others as who they are, to resist fixing them or changing their
opinions, and to listen with patience and compassion, the more you can move
forward with your goals regardless if someone likes you or not," she wrote in a Psychology
Today blog post.
In order to deal with the people who only find your flaws, Reis
recommends focusing on your positives. Keep a journal where you record your
values and the ways you're living up to them, he says.
The
Person With Whom You've Had A Falling Out
Ending a relationship with a friend can be just as heartbreaking
as splitting from a romantic partner. The person who was once your strongest
confidant suddenly feels like a stranger. But beware if you find yourself
breaking your back trying to repair what's been lost.
It's human nature to hold onto
what's comfortable, and that can include the relationships that have been in our
lives the longest. The sad truth is, some friendships aren't meant to last --
especially if trying to fix it means sacrificing your emotional well-being.
"Seek out other people who are more positive and get better experiences
from those people," Reis advises.
That doesn't mean you have to forget the good times you had, but
sometimes the memories -- and not the actual person -- should be all that you
keep around.
The
Person Who Is Constantly Stressed
A little venting is OK,
but if you're constantly hashing out stressful topics when you're with this
person, your health may be taking a hit. Research shows that stress is contagious. When
you're around someone who is constantly strung-out, it can trigger your body's
own stress response.
Your friends should help
you escape or solve your worries, not create more of them. Next time, try
switching the subject and highlighting the bright side. The key is to pay
attention to your mood, according to Heidi Hanna, author of Stressaholic: 5 Steps to Transform Your Relationship With
Stress. "The best way to limit the effects of secondhand stress
is to become self-protective of your energy," she told Everyday Health.
The
Person Who Always Argues With You
We've all been around that person who is so outspokenly
opinionated, it seems like they're purposefully trying to disagree with you.
Your view on the economy? Invalid. Your restaurant suggestion? So last year.
No one wants to be in a
constant state of turmoil. In fact, research shows that having frequent
quarrels with your partner or friends may be harmful to your health, the BBC reported.
"Affirm what's important to you rather than relying
exclusively on the feedback of other people," Reis explains.
"Reinforce in yourself the things that are good." This means sticking
to your beliefs -- no matter what others might say.
The
Person Who Uses You
"Someone can't walk all over you unless you let them,"
Reis says. "If you feel like you're being treated badly, you have the
power to improve things."
We don't have room in our
lives for people who take advantage of us. Helping each other is one thing, but if the favors are one-sided, it might
be time to address the situation. "Explain in a non-judgmental way what's
not working for you," Reis suggests. "Try to engage the other person
... Don't make demands, but point out what's problematic. Then try to find a
way that it can be improved without having unrealistic expectations of the
other person."
The
Person Who Is A Bad Influence
It takes a lot of courage
to rid yourself of a bad habit. Reis says that positive relationships keep your
best interest at heart, whereas stressful relationships bring out the opposite.
"If a relationship is toxic, it's undermining the things that we know are
healthy for us," he explains. "People suffer. It could make them
unhappy, or the relationship could interfere with the ability to move forward
on personal goals."
Don't let these relationships push you down the rabbit hole of
negative choices. If they're truly meaningful friends or partners, they'll
understand and accept your healthy decisions, Reis says.
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