5
Ways to Win People Over
Manipulation
doesn't feel good, no matter which side you're on. But you can win people over
in a way that makes everyone happy. Here's how.
Winning people over isn't always easy. Yet
the ability to apply the gentle art of persuasion to relationships new and old
is essential.
"Every
single day, we are faced with the task of persuading others. And every
single day, we face resistance," says Bob Burg, author of Adversaries Into Allies: Win People Over Without
Manipulation or Coercion. Whether you are paving the way to a business
deal or speaking with the customer service rep who claims she can't authorize a
refund, understanding how to get your way and bring about a winning outcome for
both parties is a delicate operation.
But
remember: Winning people over is not about manipulating them to like you or do
things your way. It's about giving them reasons to respect you--enough that
they want to engage with you and actually listen to your point of view.
"For immediate
and long-term results, helping people make decisions that are not only in your best
interest but in alignment with their best interests as well is the
way to go," says Burg. Doing this effectively,
consistently, and predictably, however, takes influence.
What Exactly Is Influence?
On
a very basic level, influence is simply the ability to move a person (or
persons) to a desired action, usually within the context of a certain
goal. Burg describes it as having pull. After all, have you ever heard someone
say, "Wow, that Karen sure is influential. She has a lot of
push!"? Probably not. You don't want to push people; you want to pull them
in with tact, kindness, and great communication skills.
Whom
do you consider great influencers? Think about those you know through
politics, business, television, religion, and the Internet. They attract people
to themselves and to their ideas. Notice that they are able to do
this because their focus is on how to best benefit those they are
influencing. There is no coercion or manipulation.
You
can get the results you want from others while making them feel genuinely
good about themselves, the process, and about you. Begin with the
five steps Burg defines in Adversaries Into Allies:
1. Control your own emotions.
You
always have a choice when dealing with a potential adversary: to react
emotionally or respond rationally. Don't be controlled by outside
circumstances. Responding calmly rather than allowing your emotions to get
the better of you will ensure that you don't put others on the
defensive but rather help them remain open to your ideas.
2. Understand the clash of belief systems.
Every
individual operates on the basis of an unconscious set of beliefs,
experiences, and ideas, which are most likely very different from
yours. Understand this and you can avoid confusion and numerous
misunderstandings that stand in the way of most people's ability to
influence. As you become more and more aware of how these beliefs drive
people's actions and choices (yours included), your ability to relate
positively to others, as well as persuade and influence them, will evolve and
grow.
3. Acknowledge the person's ego.
People
want to feel good about themselves; if you make someone genuinely feel
good, you're one step closer to making an ally. Don't shame,
embarrass, or cajole others. And be cautious about that tongue-in-cheek humor.
Here's a good rule of thumb: If you have to say, "just kidding," it
probably wasn't funny.
4. Set the proper frame.
People
react and respond to other people. Approach potential conflicts from a
position of benevolence, resolution, and helpfulness, and the other
party will follow suit. Reach out with a pleasant countenance, a genuine smile,
and friendly hello. You can frame your influence in how you approach your first
conversation as well. Invest the time to ask people questions about themselves,
their business, family, and interests. When they feel good about themselves,
they are more likely to want to get to know you; they will like you, and begin
to trust you.
5. Communicate with tact and empathy.
Though
the first four principles are vital, this is what brings it all home.
Saying the right thing at the right time makes all the difference in
terms of moving people to your side of the issue and taking the
appropriate action that benefits all concerned. Edit your speech
before you speak. Actually ask yourself this question: How will he or she feel
regarding what I'm about to say and how I'm about to say it?
Mastering
these people skills will get you ahead in the game. Learning to
influence without manipulation or coercion will certainly make your life and
business more fun, less stressful, and a lot more profitable.
BY Marla
Tabaka
http://www.inc.com/marla-tabaka/5-behaviors-that-win-people-over.html?cid=em01016week07c
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