10 Secrets to Influencing Absolutely Anyone
How to get people to do what you
want--no arm twisting, blackmail, or other slimy trick required.
Ever wish you were better at getting people to do what you want? You can be. All it
takes is practice and desire.
I
know this from experience. When I first got involved in the American
Society of Journalists and Authors, I quickly learned a few things about
freelance writers. They're (mostly) brilliant. They're creative and articulate,
accustomed to living literally by their wits. But for the most part, they are
not joiners. They're self-motivated, self-directed, and not inclined to go with
the flow (or else they'd be working in an office somewhere). They're
individualistic and can be cantankerous. And here I was, trying to get them to
follow my lead.
My
first initiative was an internal market to match volunteers with volunteer
jobs. It didn't go well. The people giving out jobs either didn't want new
volunteers or didn't want to put their jobs in my market. They didn't want to
hear from me or the volunteers I'd recruited. Despite my best efforts, the
project fizzled out. I couldn't figure out how to sway them.
It's
been 15 years since then, and I'm now president of ASJA, which is a job that
still in large part consists of asking freelance writers to follow my lead. And
sometimes to set aside their strongly held opinions for the good of the
organization. I couldn't do it if I hadn't learned a few things over the years
about how to get people on my side:
1. Spend lots of time listening.
Even
if you already know what people are going to say, and even if there's no way
you can do what they want, start by listening. Being listened to is one of the things they
want--that's true of just about everyone. That was one mistake I made on my
first project: I had listened to people who wanted to volunteer, but not to
those who had volunteer jobs to offer. I assumed they'd be happy to have new
volunteers, but I was wrong.
2.
Ask lots of questions.
Not only because everyone wants to
be listened to. Careful questioning will help you determine what people really
want, which is often different from what they say they want. It will also tell
you what they have to offer.
3.
Make a human-to-human connection.
Look for ways to connect that have
nothing to do with the work at hand. Maybe they have children the same age as
yours, or they live somewhere you've vacationed, or you share the same hobby.
Even if none of that's true, you can still make a bit of a connection on the
basis of universal experiences. For instance, right now a large portion of the
United States is suffering through extreme winter weather.
4.
Let your own guard down.
It's always tough to know just how
much of your personal life it's OK to share in a business context. Many people
err on the side of caution by sharing little or nothing about themselves.
Instead, decide what you feel comfortable having other people know, and then
give them a few details. You'll make other people feel safer and engage their
human side.
5.
Never miss a chance to say thank you.
Think hard about who's helped you or
put him- or herself out, and make sure to thank him or her. That makes it much
likelier he or she will put him- or herself out again for you next time.
6.
Never miss a chance to give praise.
Most of us never get enough praise
for the things we work hard to do. So if you want to influence someone, make
sure to call out what he or she has done well and how he or she has contributed
to your organization or your well-being. Do it in public if you can.
7.
Never miss a chance to apologize.
If you hate apologizing, get over
it. An apology is one of the most powerful tools you have for winning people to
your side. If a decision you made caused someone inconvenience or upset, an
apology lets him or her know that you care. That's true even if you don't
regret the decision itself but only the harm it caused him or her.
(One word of caution: Don't ever
apologize, praise, or thank unless it's sincerely how you feel. People can tell
when you're faking, and it will backfire.)
8.
Strive to give people what they want.
Obviously, this isn't always an
option. But if you can figure out what people really want or need and make sure
they get it, they'll be that much more likely to give you what you need from
them.
9.
Let people save face.
Sometimes you know that someone
would be disastrously bad at a job he or she wants. Should you say so? Unless
you're giving him or her feedback with a view to his or her being qualified
later on, don't. You're better off giving that person a more palatable out. For
instance, you've already promised the job to someone else.
10.
Pick up the phone.
Do you find yourself getting and
making a lot fewer phone calls than you used to? With email, text, and social
media, I do. But there are times when a phone call or face-to-face
communication makes a big difference. One of those is if you have disappointing
news to deliver. Another is if you are asking someone to take on a bigger role
or added responsibility.
On the phone, you can answer any
questions he or she has or listen to any venting he or she may need to do in
real time. You've stepped away from your other duties to spend time with him or
her. That lets him or her know you really care about whatever you're calling
for. It's a powerful way to make him or her care, too.
BY Minda Zetlin http://www.inc.com/minda-zetlin/10-secrets-to-influencing-absolutely-anyone.html?cid=em01020week07a
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