How to deal with difficult co-workers
Here
are the three approaches that can help you make the best of a bad situation.
If you have
been experiencing stress, anger and frustration at the workplace, it could stem
from a difficult coworker. His actions and behaviour are either hindering the
achievement of team goals or hampering your personal success and peace of mind.
As a first step to dealing with such people, you need to understand why they
are troublesome. Are they not delivering on expected output, or are they
negatively affecting the morale? The output could be below expectations because
either they are unwilling to work or do not have the required skills. If they
trigger negative emotions, either the behaviour doesn’t fit in with the work
culture or he simply chooses to go against every team decision. Once you
identify the key issue, here are the three ways you can resolve it.
MOTIVATE
If you believe the person can change his behaviour, try motivation. This is the ideal approach since it transforms a challenging co-worker into a contributer. This works best when the person is a peer or you have more power. Avoid it with your boss or a person with greater power.
First, state precisely the change in behaviour you seek. Then figure out the positive and negative drivers of his behaviour. The positive ones may include achievement, knowledge, security or fun, whereas the negative ones can include criticism, isolation, lack of feedback or encouragement. Understand that the person who loves to disagree with the team on every subject may not respond to peer pressure or criticism, but may be sensitive to communication that appeals to his self-esteem. Choose a favourable time and place to discuss the matter with him. If you are equals, involve other team members and structure it into a team discussion.
Follow a few basic principles during the discussion. Use neutral language and a fixed format of action, outcome and emotion. For instance, you can say, “When you did not deliver within the deadline, the customer cancelled the order and the team felt frustrated that its efforts had gone down the drain.” Don’t lecture from a higher moral ground. Request change in action or communication, not in personalit Stay calm and focused on the issue a avoid personal attacks even if he gets defensive or agitated. Speak in the language of what both parties want and offer a quid pro quo from the team, saying, “We expect you to meet deadlines and you will have an equal chance to lead sales meetings.” Reach a consensus on solving the issue and measuring successful actions. The team must be a part of the solution. Encourage him to make a voluntary, public commitment and establish the ground rules for measuring failure and consequent, punitive steps.
REJECT
The common reaction is to reject and remove a difficult person from the environment. Choose this option only if you believe it’s not possible to change the co-worker’s actions. For instance
the colleague lacks knowledge but is able and keen, it isbetter to invest in training rather than a risky replacement. The easiest way to reject is to rearrange individual responsibilities such that the negative impact becomes irrelevant. So, you can shift a short-tempered colleague from a role that requires client interaction and make sure the careless one is not responsible for critical data.
The biggest drawback of this approach is that it could lead to an undesirable deterioration of the situation, culminating in a complete breakdown. One of the most common forms of rejection is micro-managing a difficult colleague’s output or ganging up against him as a team. In both cases, you are communicating that you lack confidence and are isolating him. The co-worker either loses all motivation to contribute or digs in his heels. To avoid such outcomes, examine and change your words, behaviour and actions that are escalating the situation. Be truthful, but kind, in your communication and avoid revenge or emotional drama while dealing with him.
PROTECT
Unlike the first approach, which involves both parties, and the second one, which is focused on the difficult colleague, this is a defensive approach that looks inwards rather than outwards. This is the least preferred, but a default option, if you have no choice other than to put up with the situation. Now is the time to minimise the damage and protect your own interests and assets. It is also the sensible course of action if the balance of power is against you or you have multiple battles to choose from and have decided to let go of this one because you lack time, information or energy.
The first step is to not take the obnoxious behaviour personally and avoid mirroring his behaviour. Secondly, replenish your self-respect from other areas of work and life, and focus on your goals. Don’t cry, gossip or indulge in complaints that will reduce your self-respect in the team. Finally, involve like-minded allies, who will help safeguard common interests and goals. If your personal output or career is affected, keep your supervisers in the loop in writing. If it’s just an issue of incompatibility between the two of you, be open to the option of quitting and moving on with your life and career. You have every right to be successful and happy.
MOTIVATE
If you believe the person can change his behaviour, try motivation. This is the ideal approach since it transforms a challenging co-worker into a contributer. This works best when the person is a peer or you have more power. Avoid it with your boss or a person with greater power.
First, state precisely the change in behaviour you seek. Then figure out the positive and negative drivers of his behaviour. The positive ones may include achievement, knowledge, security or fun, whereas the negative ones can include criticism, isolation, lack of feedback or encouragement. Understand that the person who loves to disagree with the team on every subject may not respond to peer pressure or criticism, but may be sensitive to communication that appeals to his self-esteem. Choose a favourable time and place to discuss the matter with him. If you are equals, involve other team members and structure it into a team discussion.
Follow a few basic principles during the discussion. Use neutral language and a fixed format of action, outcome and emotion. For instance, you can say, “When you did not deliver within the deadline, the customer cancelled the order and the team felt frustrated that its efforts had gone down the drain.” Don’t lecture from a higher moral ground. Request change in action or communication, not in personalit Stay calm and focused on the issue a avoid personal attacks even if he gets defensive or agitated. Speak in the language of what both parties want and offer a quid pro quo from the team, saying, “We expect you to meet deadlines and you will have an equal chance to lead sales meetings.” Reach a consensus on solving the issue and measuring successful actions. The team must be a part of the solution. Encourage him to make a voluntary, public commitment and establish the ground rules for measuring failure and consequent, punitive steps.
REJECT
The common reaction is to reject and remove a difficult person from the environment. Choose this option only if you believe it’s not possible to change the co-worker’s actions. For instance
the colleague lacks knowledge but is able and keen, it isbetter to invest in training rather than a risky replacement. The easiest way to reject is to rearrange individual responsibilities such that the negative impact becomes irrelevant. So, you can shift a short-tempered colleague from a role that requires client interaction and make sure the careless one is not responsible for critical data.
The biggest drawback of this approach is that it could lead to an undesirable deterioration of the situation, culminating in a complete breakdown. One of the most common forms of rejection is micro-managing a difficult colleague’s output or ganging up against him as a team. In both cases, you are communicating that you lack confidence and are isolating him. The co-worker either loses all motivation to contribute or digs in his heels. To avoid such outcomes, examine and change your words, behaviour and actions that are escalating the situation. Be truthful, but kind, in your communication and avoid revenge or emotional drama while dealing with him.
PROTECT
Unlike the first approach, which involves both parties, and the second one, which is focused on the difficult colleague, this is a defensive approach that looks inwards rather than outwards. This is the least preferred, but a default option, if you have no choice other than to put up with the situation. Now is the time to minimise the damage and protect your own interests and assets. It is also the sensible course of action if the balance of power is against you or you have multiple battles to choose from and have decided to let go of this one because you lack time, information or energy.
The first step is to not take the obnoxious behaviour personally and avoid mirroring his behaviour. Secondly, replenish your self-respect from other areas of work and life, and focus on your goals. Don’t cry, gossip or indulge in complaints that will reduce your self-respect in the team. Finally, involve like-minded allies, who will help safeguard common interests and goals. If your personal output or career is affected, keep your supervisers in the loop in writing. If it’s just an issue of incompatibility between the two of you, be open to the option of quitting and moving on with your life and career. You have every right to be successful and happy.
5 common
troublemakers
1 Bully
Like the school bully, this colleague speaks loudly and uses the threat of confrontation to bulldoze through peace-seeking teammates. Be assertive in sharing your views and confirm agreement on common points. Avoid direct attacks by rephrasing his comments and asking for clarification.
2 Competitor
The competitor treats every interaction like a race to be won and chooses not to support team members in their goals. Refuse to participate in his games. Have a frank chat to let him know the negative effect of his actions. Use logical argument to get his buy-in on expected behaviour in team projects.
3 Free rider
Either lazy or devious, the free rider avoids pulling his weight in the team, adding to everyone’s burden and frustration. Find roles and goals that excite and motivate him. Discuss and write down individual expectations, responsibilities and deadlines for the entire team to get the problem person back on track.
4 Showman
This colleague constantly seeks the spotlight and often takes unfair credit for other people’s efforts. Call him out both in times of appreciation and criticism to acknowledge other people’s contribution vis-a-vis his own. Applaud him when he does likewise, satisfying his need for attention.
5 Nag
The nag is constantly whining and complaining about people and the environment. Start with empathy and then, objectively, discuss both positives and negatives. Encourage him to rephrase his communication constructively. Later, refuse to acknowledge his one-sided statements.
1 Bully
Like the school bully, this colleague speaks loudly and uses the threat of confrontation to bulldoze through peace-seeking teammates. Be assertive in sharing your views and confirm agreement on common points. Avoid direct attacks by rephrasing his comments and asking for clarification.
2 Competitor
The competitor treats every interaction like a race to be won and chooses not to support team members in their goals. Refuse to participate in his games. Have a frank chat to let him know the negative effect of his actions. Use logical argument to get his buy-in on expected behaviour in team projects.
3 Free rider
Either lazy or devious, the free rider avoids pulling his weight in the team, adding to everyone’s burden and frustration. Find roles and goals that excite and motivate him. Discuss and write down individual expectations, responsibilities and deadlines for the entire team to get the problem person back on track.
4 Showman
This colleague constantly seeks the spotlight and often takes unfair credit for other people’s efforts. Call him out both in times of appreciation and criticism to acknowledge other people’s contribution vis-a-vis his own. Applaud him when he does likewise, satisfying his need for attention.
5 Nag
The nag is constantly whining and complaining about people and the environment. Start with empathy and then, objectively, discuss both positives and negatives. Encourage him to rephrase his communication constructively. Later, refuse to acknowledge his one-sided statements.
DEVASHISH
CHAKRAVARTY The writer is Director, Executive
Search at Quetzal.
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