Self Awareness Is
Underrated: Why the Conscious Mind Leads to Happiness
Whether your life is motoring along beautifully or you feel
like you’re hitting one pot hole after another with constant grief and
hardship, there are things you can do to have a better life. One of the things
I think we’re seeing more and more is moving away from a desire for material
riches, and a desire for freedom (emotional and physical.) And instead of
seeking things, we are seeking feelings. We
want to get away from pain and hurt, guilt and sadness, and want to experience
more fulfilment, love and happiness.
Even I read that paragraph and thought “Mandie when did you
become a flowers in the hair kind of girl?” However, the fact is we do seem to
be craving different things to what I’ve seen people come to me for coaching
for in the past. And one of the most important things we are learning from this
shift is that, no matter how fun or fear packed your life, no matter how much
you hate and loathe or enjoy and love your life right now, there are things you
can do to make it better. Right now, at this very moment. Not with more money,
a bigger house, a newer car, or a smaller or larger body, not with your boss’s
job or a house on a beach; today, at this very minute you could create a better
life.
Really?
I speak from experience here. In the first half of 2017, I
attended three funerals of people far too young. Three members of my family had
serious health scares. My hard drive blew up, so did our boiler. (On the
coldest week of the year!) It felt like the electric goods around the house
were conspiring against us, both of our cars were hit while we weren’t even in
them within in two weeks. And my beautiful Springer Spaniel fell ill suddenly
and I had to have him put down when my Husband was on the other side of the
world. And that is just some of the stuff that happened in the first half of
this year. It was hard to not feel victimized, and like there was some evil
deity reigning down a torrent of hell on the Holgate family. And having
suffered from severe depression that nearly killed me 13 years ago, I will be
honest and say I feared for my mental health.
Despite the feeling of “is this really all happening to us?”
that aimed to raise it’s ugly head, I managed to stay happy. It become the
Holgate mantra that the harder times got, the happier we felt. How is that
possible and why does it matter?
You see no matter what happens on the outside, we can choose
what we think and feel on the inside and when we appreciate the power of this
self awareness we can dramatically change not just our day, but our futures
too.
Now it gets interesting, right?
Have you ever heard the saying “Who got out of bed on the wrong
side?” That person moves through their day feeling miserable, frustrated and
struggles to hold compelling conversations or get the results they want to. Did
it start with these bad results? No of course not, it started with the thought
that created the actions that delivered the results.
Being able to be self aware is a powerful way to power up your
happiness, actions and success. It enables you to be in touch
with who you truly are.
My own experience taught me that I have a very blessed life
(despite the three auto immune diseases and losing my dear pet.) It reinforced
for me that I’m on the right path, going for the right goals for the right
reasons. Many people find that despite achieving success in the traditional
ways, they still lack happiness and it is highly likely it could come down to
not being self aware of what matters to you.
5 Powerful
Steps to Build Self Awareness
Here I share my
5 top tips to self awareness and how this power could help you achieve more
personally, professionally and emotionally.
1. Drop the
Victim Act
This has been so powerful for so many that I’ve worked with
(including myself). Have you noticed how around some people, you are confident
and capable; and around others you feel like a child? Or maybe you lose your
power? Be aware of how you feel around different people. It is not your job to
change people, it is your responsibility to change the way you perceive people
and handle them. This is an internal exercise. Maybe you were bullied at school
and you still question if people are your friends, and this impacts on your
choice of activities and level of trust. Maybe you had an over critical parent
or teacher and still find yourself berating things that you do. Become aware of
these beliefs that you may have stored for decades. You don’t have to challenge
them if that feels too big a step. Just notice them at this stage.
2. Respect,
Accept and Appreciate Who You Are
I remember up until only about seven years ago that someone I
love dearly would say “You are so over sensitive Mandie!” and for years I saw
that as a negative. I actually learned that I was not respecting who Mandie
was. How can you achieve the things in life that make you happy, including just
pure love for you that leads to internal genuine happiness if you don’t respect
who you are? It may sound like a girlie fluffy subject, however by not
respecting yourself and understanding your own emotional intelligence, you can
seriously damage your chances of achieving. I learned for instance that what
I’d seen as oversensitivity was in fact one of the reasons that I find coaching
so easy and powerful—I can truly connect on a level that most people miss.
3. Learn What
You Truly Value
If you learn to respect, accept and appreciate who you are, you
can still find that you have emotional negative attachment to elements of who
you are. By learning to hear and listen to your values, you can become more
self aware and go for things that really matter to you.
In my book Fight the fear – how to beat your negative
mindset and win in life, I recommend the values exercise. It enables you to
explore on a subconscious level to learn what really matters to you. This is
great for when you fear that you are concentrating on the wrong things in
life—often being impacted on by the outside world, rather than hearing and
knowing your own values.
4. Reframe Your
Negative Thoughts
So after you’ve learned to accept who you are, you can still
find that negativity is impacting on your ability to become self aware. If you
have feelings of low value and self worth, it’s hard to want to listen to more
of your thoughts. Re-framing your thoughts can help.
Listen carefully to your negative thoughts, beliefs and
feelings. Don’t try and change them, just acknowledge them. What comes next? Is
it a physical thing, an emotion or a belief? By following the flow of this, you
can create a negative spiral of what happens to you when you are not self
aware. The awesome thing is I’ve used this process with so many clients to
shift them fast into a positive spiral.
5. Ditch the
Shallow Self Development
With a growing appreciation around the world that our minds
impact on our success, alas there are some that are exploring this subject on a
very superficial level. While any level is better than nothing, you need to do
your homework if you really want to be self aware. Expecting results by osmosis
or by reading motivational posters is not enough. Aristotle, Einstein and so
many others have indeed said powerful things about our minds and our ability to
achieve true happiness, creativity and success. However remember that at their
core they were people of action too.
By always assessing your self awareness, you can learn to not
just respect who you are but to trust this true version of you. And that could
be incredibly powerful on so many levels.
Mandie Holgate
http://www.lifehack.org/629038/self-awareness-is-underrated-why-the-conscious-mind-leads-to-happiness?ref=mail&mtype=newsletter_tier_2&mid=20170911&uid=687414&hash=707e797f7e757e6d794c856d747b7b3a6f7b79&utm_source=newsletter_tier_2&utm_medium=email&action=click
1 comment:
Lovely. Eye opener
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