Winning over epic fails
Failure can be your best ally, provided you do it right.
Learn from those who have mastered the art
At 25, Sucheta Pal truly believed she had it
all -a promising corporate job, a lively social life and a horizon that
sparkled with opportunities. And then, life took an unexpected turn. Years of
unhealthy eating and stress finally caught up, and she was diagnosed with Irritable
Bowel Syndrome (IBS) that severely limited her daily routine. “Regular work
meetings became a struggle -my IBS would flare up with stress, which, in turn,
made me even more stressed. It felt like I was trapped in a vicious cycle,“ she
explains. Soon enough, Pal began to experience crippling bouts of social
anxiety that gnawed away at her self-confidence and left her incapable of
casual conversations with friends and family. “I started doing the rounds of
psychologists and psychiatrists.But it was difficult for those close to me to
understand how a vivacious, enterprising girl had disintegrated so much.“
Things came to a head when Pal was assigned
to a prestigious overseas role in Hong Kong that she abandoned only two months
in. “No matter how much I wanted to, I couldn't perform. I was given a lesser
role upon my return, and that was a huge blow to my selfesteem. All the while,
I knew there was so much potential in me that I could not tap.“ The darkness
only deepened until, one evening, Pal swallowed an entire bottle of sleeping
pills. And, even that attempt failed. “I woke up the next morning and realised
that life had given me a fighting chance. I called my sister, had her admit me
into ahospital, and decided that I would live.“
Following her passion for dance, Pal
eventually discovered Zumba, and then, there was no looking back. “Failure gave
me muchneeded clarity and perspective. Yes, I had failed my health, my family
and my job. But if I wanted things to change, I had to step up. Failing gave me
the strength, focus and ability to do that,“ she says. Dr. Jagdish Chaturvedi
feels that the most common misconception about failure is that it is negative
and should be avoided. “Failure can be our greatest teacher. We only need to
understand how to react to it and use it to our advantage,“ explains
Chaturvedi, author of The Benefits of Failing Successfully, in which he
recounts how the process of learning from his mistakes helped him to transform
his life and career. We explore the various steps one can take to ensure every
failure becomes a stepping stone for success:
STEP 1 Develop the right mindset
A universal fact about failure is that it
leads to frustration and stress. This stress can be eustress or beneficial
stress that motivates you to do better, or distress that has negative
implications. “To transform your distress into eustress, realise that your
attitude towards failure is a response and not a reflex. Failure leads you to a
`choice point' from where you can choose how to react,“ says psychiatrist Dr.
Nahid Dave.
STEP 2 Objective assessment
Often, people peg the entire blame for their
failure on either a person or an external factor.But in reality, no failure can
ever be attributed to a single factor. “There are always multiple factors involved
and being able to correctly assign responsibility is the most important step
you can take towards being rational about your failure. Divide these factors
into things you can and cannot change,“ says Dr. Dave, adding “Let go of what
you cannot change and incorporate what you can into your next plan.“
Malad-based information analyst, Abhishek
Shah shares, “When starting out, we refused an investor. At the time, we were
unwilling to compromise on the terms and attributed the failure to a clash of
priorities. However, over time, I realised that had we been more open-minded,
we would have scaled up much faster. This has since changed my approach towards
work,“ says the 26-yearold.
STEP 3 Recognise when to let go
The fear of being perceived as a `loser' or
`failure' often drives people to continue doing things that are unhealthy or
unproductive. Dr. Dave explains, “This is often the case in relationships that
have soured, where those involved try desperately to hold on to a partner who
isn't right for them.“ Narendra Goidani, Founder Life School and WOW
Parenting recounts an incident that taught him the importance of knowing when
to let go. “A few years ago, I had invested a substantial amount of my savings
in a project. I trusted the person I had invested with. However, I soon learned
that the venture had failed and the reason was that the individual I had worked
with was afraid to own up to losses that had been incurred initially. Instead,
to hide these losses, he took several bad decisions. I learned then the
importance of acknowledging when something isn't working out,“ shares Goidani.
STEP 4 Have realistic expectations
Following one's dreams can be challenging if
they're not practical or accommodate your expectations from life. When Pal had
to take up dance, she figured out a way to sustain it. “When deciding to
forsake my high-paying corporate job to pursue my passion for dance, I knew
that the path would not be easy. I was starting quite late, in a field that
already had more than its fair share of younger, and fitter dancers. To support
myself, I took up meagre-paying jobs such as working with an NGO in Dharavi. I
did what I had to keep dancing full-time. Being mentally prepared for what this
journey would entail played a major role in helping me cope,“ Pal shares. Dr
Dave agrees and adds that since most have no idea of their definition of
success, they end up with irrational expectations.“Consequently, they are
setting themselves up to fail every day.Unless you know what you are aiming
for, you will be in a constant state of unhappiness,“ says Dr. Dave.
STEP 5 Source the right person for every role
Goidani recounts, “When I was about 25 years
old, and had a monthly earning of Rs 6,000, I took up a venture to produce
plastic bottle caps. I invested roughly 8 lakh on a venture that looked
brilliant on paper. When it failed, I realised that not only did I lack the
necessary technical competence, so did the person I was working with. I learned
then that trusting someone involves so much more than the person's character.
In addition to a good character, your partner must also have the necessary
competence.“
And the same extends to relationships. “It is
possible that you may be good friends with a person and enjoy spending time
with them, but they can be completely wrong for you in a long-term
relationship.Often, people base their relationship on factors such as common
interests or physical attraction. However, unless there is compatibility on
other factors such as your attitude towards finances, family members and
friends, your relationship is unlikely to succeed,“ says Dave.
STEP 6 Goals can be flexible
Amit Sarda, managing director of Soulflower
followed his interest in garments to launch an apparel brand. The company went
public while he was only 17. But since his textile partner wasn't able to
market the brand and failed to invest, Sarda was left “high and dry“.“This was
a thin-margin business and I was losing money every day.Ultimately, I realised
that I had become too fixated with building my apparel brand. My true strength
was in sales and it didn't matter what I sold. This perspective helped me seize
the next opportunity, and Soulflower was born. It is important to objectively
understand what you are good at and are interested in, and focus on that,“ says
Sarda.
STEP 7 Talk about it
The truth is that failure makes us more
relatable and leads people to empathise with us.People accept us more easily
when we admit we made a mistake. Being open and honest about failures helps us
to avoid the tendency to false-advertise our capabilities. “It helps us to
understand that failure is not the opposite of success but that both exist in a
continuum,“ says Dr. Chaturvedi. “In fact, the lessons I learned from my
entrepreneurial venture of building low-cost biopsy devices inspired me to
create a new method of teaching called `medical theatre'. The money I raised from
conducting medical theatre workshops helped me fund my enterprise. At the same
time, being able to talk about (and poke fun at) my failures spurred my career
in stand-up comedy,“ he adds. Rajesh Agarwal, Managing Director of Maventic,
who admits to have had his share of failures, and feels that having been open
about it has helped him sail through. “Be it global recession, not being able
to position a powerful solution or overlooking a compliance issue owing to our
ignorance, my team has lost valuable time, effort and financial resources.
However, being open and honest through the journey and supporting each other
helped us to overcome these failures.Today, I can confidently say that failing
together has made us stronger as a unit,“ says Agarwal.
Anindita Paul
Oct 17 2017 : Mirror (Mumbai)
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