SIX HABITS OF CONFIDENT PEOPLE
FEARLESS
CHILDREN OFTEN TURN INTO INSECURE ADULTS. HOW DO PEOPLE MANAGE TO STAY
CONFIDENT IN THE FACE OF FAILURE?
When my son was 4, he
wore a superhero cape. All of the time. I vividly remember a trip to Home Depot
when he had dressed himself in shorts and a shirt, cowboy boots, swim goggles,
gardening gloves, and the cape. Even though he attracted plenty of stares, he
walked through the store very sure of himself and his wardrobe choice.
Many of us outgrow our
childhood ideals, but why is it we also often leave behind the sense of
confidence that accompanied them?
Self-doubt is
common—especially in women—and for many the feeling remains constant. A survey of British
managers done by the Institute of
Leadership and Management in
the United Kingdom found that 50% of female respondents and 31% of male
respondents don’t feel confident about their job performance and careers.
"We’re all born
with the capacity to be our best selves—to be who we really are,"
says Jen Sincero, author of You Are a Badass: How
to Start Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life. "Then we hear the messages that exist
in our fear-based society, and we get beaten down. Being confident means
peeling away the doubt, fear, and worry, and getting back to our core.
Confident people have learned how to get back to their pure selves."
Katty Kay and Claire Shipman, coauthors of The Confidence Code:
The Science and Art of Self-Assurance—What Women Should Know, say confidence isn’t just an attitude:
"We spent a long time trying to define confidence because we felt that it
would be easier to grow it if we really knew what is was," they write in
their book. "In the end we came to this conclusion: Confidence is life’s
enabler—it is the quality that turns thoughts into action."
CONFIDENCE IS LIFE’S
ENABLER—IT IS THE QUALITY THAT TURNS THOUGHTS INTO ACTION.
Becoming confident
takes practice, calculated risk-taking, and changes in the way you think, say
Kay, Shipman, and Sincero. Here are six habits confident people share:
Nothing builds
confidence like taking action, especially when the action involves risk and
failure, say Kay and Shipman. Confident people start small and continue to take
action until they become more comfortable with the risk.
"Nerves are
normal—everyone has them," write Kay and Shipman. "The difference
between a confident person and an unconfident person is simply that the
confident person acts on their ambitions and desires and doesn’t let fear of
failure stop them."
Confident people are
not immune to failure; instead of letting it stop them, they view it as an
information-gathering session.
"It’s a notch in
their belt and proof that they’ve started moving in the direction they want to
go," says Sincero. "Confident people thank the experience for the
lesson, and then they course-correct."
IT’S NOT THE STRONGEST
SPECIES THAT SURVIVES, IT’S THE ONE THAT’S MOST ADAPTABLE.
It’s not the strongest
species that survives, say Kay and Shipman, it’s the one that’s most adaptable.
Sincero says confident
people don’t speak badly about themselves. Instead, they question their
self-doubts.
"Instead of
believing something is 100% true—such as feeling like a loser—they realize that
they bought into something that’s not certain and they attach feelings to new
belief," she says.
Kay and Shipman call
that getting rid of NATS (negative automatic thoughts): "Women are
particularly prone to NATS. We think we make one tiny mistake and we dwell on
it for hours and hours … and it kills our confidence," they write.
To get rid of NATS,
the coauthors suggest reminding yourself of three good things you did for every
negative thought you have. Eventually this technique will help you eliminate
the tendency to think badly about yourself.
Instead of feeling
like a victim of their circumstances, confident people take ownership of their
situation and do something about it, says Sincero.
"They don’t blame
their parents or others, they take responsibility and change the things that
are getting in the way of their goals," she says.
Sincero says confident
people read books, take classes, practice meditation, and find coaches and
mentors who have done the things they want to do.
"If you’re
confident then you don’t feel weird about showing your vulnerability and
opening yourself up to learning from somebody else," she says.
"Insecure people stay where they are because they’re afraid of admitting
their weaknesses."
Sitting up straight
gives you a short-term confidence boost, say Kay and Shipman. The coauthors
suggest keeping your abs in and chin up, which they call "astonishingly
simple yet woefully infrequent."
Also try nodding your
head: "You feel more confident as you talk when you do it—and you’re
sending a subconscious signal that makes others agree with you," they
write.
BY STEPHANIE
VOZZA
http://www.fastcompany.com/3042665/how-to-be-a-success-at-everything/six-habits-of-confident-people
No comments:
Post a Comment