WOMAN SPECIAL............ Him and Her - Why Beta men are winning the game of love

Him and Her - Why Beta men are winning the game of love





The rules of romance have changed. Machismo isn't winning women in a world that's steadily seeing the rise of the female alpha. As women keep climbing the corporate ladder by displayng their tough, competitive side; at home, they are increasingly looking to find partners who can lend emotional support. The alpha men, used to their all-male ag gression are finding it difficult to woo this new powerful woman with a mind of her own. And the beta men, who had been left behind in the game of romance for long, are now the favourites.

Lawyer Pinky Anand says, “Women, these days, look at their husband for emotional support.
Most alpha men would be too self centred to care for their wives. They would be flexing muscles at home, but an alpha woman-beta man part nership would be about mutual emo tional respect rather than control.“

In her recent book, The Alpha Woman Meets Her Match: How Today's Strong Women Can Find Love and Happiness Without Settling, Dr Sonya Rhodes, leading relationship therapist, says, “My clinical experience has shown me that alpha woman-alpha man partnership is at the greatest risk for divorce as two alphas compete for power and dominance. However, beta guys do not mind following or let a strong woman get to their ego.“ Dr Rhodes further explains in her book how the definition of beta men has also changed over the past decade. “The beta man is no longer the guy assumed to be gay if he likes yoga, dresses well, or is a ve gan. His ego doesn't depend on scoring macho points. He is dependable, respon sible and supportive. The old hierarchy of alpha and beta, in which the highest-rank ing alpha males run the show, isn't opera tive anymore.“ Even alpha men with great negotiating power and people manage ment skills fail when it comes to balanc ing power at home. And alpha women aren't ready to appease him anymore.

Documentary filmmaker Yasmin Kid wai asks if an ideal alpha couple really exists. “They are not a reality. Alpha women should look past the competitive male to find a man who's in touch with his inner beta qualities. He should be communicative, responsible and thoughtful ­ a man who complements her qualities,“ she says.

Management consultant and motiva tional speaker Jeroninio Almeida ex plains why beta men are stealing the show. “Beta men admire strong women.

These men aren't threatened to let the women shine. We are witnessing the rise of new ideals in masculinity.“

Theatre actor Bubbles Sabharwal ex plaining about the socio-cultural change, says, “The whole social environment has changed. In one of my plays, Women in Black, the alpha woman goes for a quieter beta man, whose sensitivity attracts her to him. A man who is supportive, makes her laugh, isn't threatened by her position of power outside home, is far more appealing to today's woman. Masculinity is being redefined every day.“

The quiet, intense beta man is the new macho for the modern woman. This man is sexy because his sense of identity and success is not dependent on the level of success achieved by his wife.

Dr Nisha Khanna, relationship and marriage counsellor, explains why beta men have marched ahead in the last decade. “Most successful women have a close group of friends. They aren't extroverts and are mostly known to be aloof, intimidating, even intriguing. Beta men, with their quiet charm, woo them faster and with a much larger chance of success than alphas. Power couples don't work in the long run anymore.“

Ad guru Prahlad Kakkar adds, “Most alpha men take pride in hunting. Hence, the alpha woman prefers the beta man.
She's more secure with him. Wolves are a perfect alpha couple, the she wolf doesn't feel the need to possess the he wolf.
They understand their roles perfectly. Humans haven't evolved to that level.“

nona.walia@timesgroup.com { While alpha men were busy marking their territories and demonstrating their machismo, the betas played it cool and marched forward to win hearts of women. Here's how the love game changed in the last decade... THREE ESSENTIALS OF AN ALPHA-BETA PARTNERSHIP In relationships, alpha women need to recognise that they can be overpowering, and often wear their partners out. This happens because alpha women often bring in their office `bossiness' back home. Even if with a beta man, the alpha woman must learn that the home space isn't about one-upmanship.

At the same time, the beta guy needs to be proactive and meet the alpha woman halfway in tackling issues head on. Couples should create a caring atmosphere where it is safe to raise concerns, be receptive, practise listening skills, monitor the tone of a conversation, and avoid sarcasm and snide remarks at any cost.

We live in an economy that requires two paychecks. One person's career may take off faster. Marriage is an economic and emotional partnership. Men need to value the contributions that their wives make.

-Inputs by Dr Sonya Rhodes

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