Being Yourself: How Much is Too Much?
How much of “yourself” you put on
display should be dependent on the situation and those around you.
How many times have you prepared for
an interview, a meeting with a new client, or a presentation and you get the
rallying calls to: ‘just be yourself’, ‘be authentic’, ‘show people who you
really are’ and ‘be totally honest’? It reflects our viral existence
where ‘public privacy’ is the norm. It’s another part of the growing social
revolution to ‘let it all hang out’. I would suggest that nothing could be
further from the right thing to do.
My comments are not just for effect
or to be controversial, although they do fly in opposition to current
wisdom. Instead, they are inspired by an often underappreciated scholar,
Erving Goffman, a Canadian sociologist and writer and one of the most cited
authors of books in the humanities sitting with Foucault, Derrida and even more
quoted than Freud. He has influenced much of what we now take for granted
in the fields of impression management, how we frame our context and rituals in
social interaction and groups. Inspired by his works, I add caution.
Reasons why being yourself is flawed
Let’s look at the research.
For instance, take people who are high on self-monitoring, a personality
preference defined as ‘active construction of public selves to achieve social
ends’. A highly cited study by Ajay Mehra, Martin Kilduff and Daniel Brass, found that “chameleon-like high self-monitors” were more likely
than true-to-themselves “low self-monitors” to occupy central positions in
social networks, which affords them greater levels of social capital and
influence. Together these characteristics predict individual workplace
performance.
There is also considerable evidence
to suggest that people who present themselves as warm and competent are more
likely to be liked and conferred higher levels of social status.
Furthermore, those who act with higher levels of confidence are
given greater credence in the eyes of others.
Thus, it appears that just being
yourself has some distinct drawbacks. In fact, naive authenticity may do more
harm than good. It presumes you know who you are; it puts the focus on the
intrapersonal rather than the contextual interaction; it seems to set up you up
for a narcissistic injury.
Read the room
Goffman also believed that social
exchanges are forms of rituals and these take place in a situated
context. Here he argues that we should study “situations and their
men” rather than “men and their situations”. Thus, it reframes
interpersonal exchanges in terms of social, interactional processes rather than
purely on individual motives and dispositions. We can elaborate by using
three of Goffman’s further ideas: ritual interactions, face work, and the
notion that we have a front stage and back stage to our lives.
Rituals: The possibility that each social encounter is a form of
ritual, a series of prescribed or formal activities, sets the stage for
explicit and implicit norms. ‘Being yourself’ can upset the rituals and
may create disappointment and anxiety. It’s called a social faux pas. An
example might be your mobile phone ringing in an interview. No doubt there will
be an immediate loss of face, which tarnishes the positive social values a
person effectively claims for themselves.
Face work is the continual interpersonal negotiation of personal
status within this ritualised context. When we succeed in this social
dance, we maintain face for both ourselves but more importantly others, who are
part of the ritual. For instance, shaking hands (or not in some
countries) is part of the ritual context of a good start. But when we fail it
affects the whole context, people become embarrassed on our behalf. That’s why
we all cringe when the TV character, David Brent, from The Office makes a
social gaff. He’s crossed the line.
Front stage and back stage work: Brushing teeth is usually back stage work, performing in
an interview or presentation is front stage. Being your naïve self can
sometimes be like teeth cleansing in public. Something best avoided.
Take the middle ground
It may not be natural for you to be
high on self-monitoring or to ‘fake it until you make it‘. I am not proposing
that we all become sociopaths: even though they are pretty good at presenting
themselves. Neither, should you betray your ideals and beliefs. The
point is simple: being yourself, lauding naive authenticity, is a potential
recipe for disaster (in the worst case) and perhaps some
disappointment. Not just for you but also the people around
you. Instead I propose a twist, and act from the position of situated
authenticity, which means think about the context and others, not just you.
I conclude with a quote from William
Shakespeare.
“All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely
players.
They have their exits and their
entrances,
And one man in his time plays many
parts”.
William Shakespeare. Act II Scene
VII, As You Like It
Michael Jarrett, INSEAD Senior Affiliate Professor of Organisational Behaviour Read more at http://knowledge.insead.edu/blog/insead-blog/being-yourself-how-much-is-too-much-3417?utm_source=INSEAD+Knowledge&utm_campaign=5d31e529d4-26_June_mailer6_26_2014&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_e079141ebb-5d31e529d4-249840429&nopaging=1#t1Gcjp8V1OUGtjEa.99
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