How Hard Should You Push in
Negotiations? 3 Science-Backed Tips
A
new study reveals you're probably clueless about how you're coming across in
negotiations. Here are three tips to improve.
Succeeding
in negotiations is all about balance.
Push too hard and you drive the other party away. Don't push enough and you end
up with a less than optimal deal. You're always looking for that Goldilocks
spot when it comes to assertiveness--not too hot, not too cold.
So how
are most of us doing at finding it?
Pretty
terribly, it turns out. According to a new study by Columbia University
management professor Daniel Ames and his collaborator, doctoral student Abbie
Wazlawek, many negotiators are clueless about how they're being perceived,
completely misjudging the other party's impressions of their assertiveness.
Too
Hot or Too Cold
"In
the language of Goldilocks, many people are serving up porridge that others see
as too hot or too cold, but they mistakenly think the temperature comes across
as just right--that their assertiveness is seen as appropriate," Ames said
summing up the research. "We also found that many people whose porridge
was actually seen as just right mistakenly thought their porridge came off as
too hot. That is, they were asserting themselves appropriately in the eyes of
others, but they incorrectly thought they were pushing too hard."
That
inability to gauge how we're coming across can have serious costs, Ames told
Inc.com. When I think I've been perfectly reasonable but you see me as overly
assertive, "I may be perplexed by your reluctance to come back to the
table with me in the future," he notes and "missing the chance to do
more business with you can have real costs to me. It can also cost me when you
tell others to steer clear."
On the
other hand, if I worry that I've crossed the line into pushy or combative, but you have no issues with
my negotiating style that hurts me in a different way.
"We
found that a third or more of negotiators seen by their counterparts as being
appropriately assertive mistakenly thought they were seen as pushing too hard.
They were getting it right but thought they were coming across as a
monster," Ames reports. "We followed this mistake through to its costs.
People who cared about their relationships were likely to take a hit in a
second encounter with a counterpart, trying to repair their relationship. But
they were attempting to fix something that wasn't broken. Ironically, this led
to less value for both sides."
Getting
It Just Right
So how
can negotiators do better at gauging how they're coming across? Ames offered
three down-to-earth suggestions to help you ensure your negotiating style is
neither too hot nor too cold:
·
Get good input.
There's a huge chance you're rotten at evaluating your own level of
assertiveness, but others are more clear eyed, so feedback is key. "Seek
candid evaluations from people you trust and pay attention to what they say
about your assertiveness," suggests Ames.
·
Be skeptical of
strategic signals.
"Some negotiators feign offense as part of their
strategy and their drama should be taken with a grain of salt. If someone acts taken aback in a negotiation, probe
to understand what's behind their reaction. They might really be offended
because they know something you don't that makes your behavior look extreme.
But they might also just be hoping you'll roll over," cautions Ames.
·
Assert yourself
effectively.
When it comes to knowing what's acceptable and what's
outrageous, preparation and knowledge are key. "Do your
homework so you know what is reasonable and what the precedents or comparables
are. Be prepared to explain your thinking and justify your proposals so that
others understand why what you're asking for is appropriate," says Ames.
"It can also pay to understand your counterpart's position and point of
view so you can tailor your requests in way that will be persuasive and relevant
to them."
·
BY JESSICA
STILLMAN
http://www.inc.com/jessica-stillman/how-hard-should-you-push-in-negotiations-3-science-backed-tips.html?cid=em01016week28a
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