It Can Be Painful But You’ll Learn The Most By
Failing
“If I
have failed more than you have, I have won”- Seth Godin
We happen to think we are big failures when
we are failing. We aren’t failures, we just need to go through the process of
life when we try things. That’s the reality. We have to overcome the
negativity. The sad part is that we low-key know about this but ‘fail” to take
this approach because it’s unconventional. But you know what? Everything I have
ever succeeded at was done through failing many times and not giving up.
“Failure isn’t fatal, but failure to change
might be” – John Wooden
Volleyball had many practicing hours before I
could even learn to serve. Writing took me writing 83 essays to every 1 my
classmates wrote so I could top them. In all of those essays, 1 in every 15
would be really amazing. My driving test took me two attempts. So what I want
you to do is to learn to fight the thought of failure being a bad thing. See the
word “fail” and turn it mentally to “learn”. It’s hard but only through failing
will we learn the most. It’s painful but it shouldn’t have to be.
“Success is most often achieved by those who
don’t know that failure is inevitable.” – Coco Chanel
Bear with me for a second.
I asked my boyfriend what “failing” means to
him. His response was “The End”.
What really is “failing”? I googled it and
look what I found
You see this? A weakness in a character! A weakness! Weaknesses can be
strengthened if practiced enough! Failing isn’t a life-ending and detrimental
factor. It’s a good thing. It shows you what needs to be strengthened, not what
needs to make you feel like you’re the worse person on earth and that you have
no purpose. Ugh! I just hate it when people over-exaggerate. Don’t fall for
their trap of allowing you to not believe that you can accomplish your dreams.
“Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever
achieve greatly.” – Robert F. Kennedy
Here are a few things we often “fail” at but
it turns out beautifully if you keep working at them with an open mind:
You’ll fail with friendships
Friends forever? Ahh no. There will be times
when your “friends” aren’t who you expect them to be. It hurts but it’s just
one of those things that we have to get through as humans. Some will lie to
you, have babies, get married and straight up not have the time for you. These
are all normal because through it all, a select few will always be there no
matter what and more than likely you will develop more friendships as you
go along. Well, those often are more worthwhile.
Don’t be afraid to allow this process to take its course. Be open to it and let
it transition. Here you will learn who really has your back and who will be
there for you no matter what. Most importantly, you’ll learn to be much
wiser.
“The phoenix must burn to emerge.” – Janet
Fitch
You’ll fail to make big decisions
As a 20-something, I cannot explain how many
decisions I’ve failed at. Nope, I’d probably be embarrassed to say it all.
Well, I’d look beyond that; anything for you. The point is that especially when
you don’t have guidance (there is always some sort) we tend to make the
crappiest decisions and then feel bad after. One thing is sure, if you’re tired
of this happening then this is a pain point to make a change. Read more, find a
mentor, a coach… something. How long will we be comfortable making the same bad
decisions? Guidance from someone who is more knowledgeable at life will
suffice. You can even get Cheatsheets on how to turn your life around on the
internet..
“I’ve failed over and over and over again
in my life and that is why I succeed.” – Michael Jordan
When you get older, naturally your priorities
will change. Parties, liquor and whatever else is there to distract you doesn’t
count as much. Getting ahead in your life becomes the main objective. You will
begin to get curious and try new things to secure a future. However, trying new
things has much trial and error in it. This can sometimes be a burden. We fail
a lot by not having the results we want immediately but who cares? It’s okay to
fail. Yes… it’s not okay to give up after you have failed though. This will
teach determination and discipline. Keep going until you win! And you will win!
“If you’re not prepared to be wrong, you’ll
never come up with anything original.” – Ken Robinson
You’ll fail to compromise
As a 20 something we feel so many pressures
from everyone. We want to find what our purpose is but try to please our moms
and dads at the same time. That within itself curates failure. Don’t worry, we
always figure it out. Just know it takes some time. By going through this
process, you learn patience, kindness and the ability to reason from someone
else’s point of view.
“Giving up is the only sure way to
fail.” – Gena Showalter
You’ll fail to look after your body
Before you get to that stability level, you
will fall short and cheat on certain things. Sugar, salt, alcohol, exercise you
name it. It will take tonnes of effort to get to eating healthy but sometimes
you’ll succumb to the junk. Look at it this way, when you wake up in the
morning, beat it in your head that today is a brand new day. Forget the
failures from yesterday then exercise that “discipline muscle” and start one more
time. The biggest investment is you. No one should beat you up for this.
Learning about mind conditioning and will power will do wonders for you. Trust
me.
“If you don’t try at anything, you can’t
fail… it takes back bone to lead the life you want” – Richard Yates
You’ll fail to invest in the future
“You only live once” is the mantra of most
20-somethings. That sounds pretty fun doesn’t it? Time and time again you’ll
know what to do deep within yourself. You know it would be right for you but
your mind will wander. Remember, if you want to have a family and keep it, more
than one relationship isn’t as smart a move. The same goes for any long term
goal. You will learn to be laser-visioned.
“Failure should be our teacher, not our
undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead
end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing,
and being nothing.” – Denis Waitley
You’ll fail to develop your own style
Society, family, & friends brainwashed
most of us. When we see the whole pattern and is willing to change that, it
will take much concentration to find what our “real” personalities are. Our
personalities will lean less toward what’s trending and create our own styles.
Easier said than done but why not learn about self development?
“When you take risks you learn that there
will be times when you succeed and there will be times when you fail, and both
are equally important.” – Ellen DeGeneres
You’ll fail to socialize differently
It’s kind of hard to put down our phones
every once in a while and take a walk somewhere and strike up a conversation
with someone new. It’s the norm for us so to go out of our comfort zones will
be uninteresting and obsolete. My question to you is how far will the “norm”
take you in life? It will absolutely change your life to put your phone down,
leave it at home for a few hours and go try to speak to someone new. I dare you
to try it. Now you are challenged to build on social skills.
“It’s failure that gives you the proper
perspective on success.” – Ellen DeGeneres
You’ll fail to manage your money
Majority of 20 somethings don’t have a set
plan. It’s these years that you try to find your purpose and what you should be
doing. While some have their lives together, some are in college completing the
wrong degree and others are just sitting around waiting for life to make a change
for them. You probably know…Life won’t. We just don’t always have it all
figured out. It’s the same with money. Funds often slip by until you learn the
language of money. Buy what you need only, invest in something long term and in
a couple of years, you will have the financial freedom you deserve. Oh how
would it feel to buy a car but unable to buy gas? Don’t buy a whole pizza today
if you’re not that hungry and don’t know what you will eat tomorrow. Change the
perspective young grasshopper. It will take much living from paycheck to
paycheck and struggles to teach you to develop your investment skills.
“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000
ways that won’t work.” – Thomas A. Edison
You’ll fail to value your family
Teenagers and 20 somethings grow intensely
apart from their families due to miscommunication and feeling misunderstood.
That’s a regular thing but it doesn’t have to be. Instead of talking
back, just be quiet even if you’re tuning them out. This helps a lot. Instead of spitting fire with your tongue in return of a conflict,
let it slide… just this one time. Your parents will be amazed by this. I know
mine was when I figured out this tactic. I failed many times too. Just try it
and you too will learn the value of silence.
“Success is not final, failure is not fatal:
it is the courage to continue that counts.” – Winston Churchill
You’ll fail to stand up for yourself
We really have been manipulative as kids
trying to guilt trip people for what we want. Getting out in the real world
where people are hard inside, it gets tough. Here, our defensive mechanism
falters. We find it hard to ask for raises and even break down when people put
us down. Well, just like a kid it takes years to master getting what we want,
we must master standing up for ourselves. This too will take a while. Here you
will definitely learn how to strategies, be creative and be quick on your feet.
All in all you learn how to become very Independent.
“There is only one thing that makes a
dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.” – Paulo Coelho
You’ll fail to love yourself
This is the hardest of them all to me and
that’s why so many of us suffer from depression and anxiety. This is just my
opinion. There are other scientific and proven reasons of course. I just know
that when I felt ugly because of the excess weight I had was because I didn’t
work on loving myself enough. I cared more of what others thought of me. Until
I learned to tell myself that I was the one living my life, took control and
did something about my health, I could not have felt beautiful and love myself
the way I do now. Did I fail? What do you think? You’ll be more than successful
when you learn self-love.
Unless you want to keep winning and not learn
anything which is a bit of an illusion, then learn to think of failure as a
good thing. In my tribe, we fail to win. We never give up. I believe in you and
I love you! Keep trying <3
“It’s not how far you fall, but how high you
bounce that counts.” – Zig Ziglar
by Shaunna-Kaye Mattadeen
http://www.lifehack.org/394379/it-can-be-painful-but-youll-learn-the-most-by-failing?ref=mail&mtype=daily_newsletter&mid=20160512_customized&uid=687414&email=drmsriram%40yahoo.com&action=click
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