Why Leaders Lack
Emotional Intelligence
Jan 21, 2015
Over the past century, the heartless,
no-nonsense CEO has become something of an icon—and a cliché—in American
society. Hollywood would have us believe that the Machiavellian chief exec is
still alive and well. Whether it’s the Donald fromThe Apprentice or
Jack Donaghy from 30 Rock, these eat-the-weak-for-breakfast-types
seem to be as powerful as ever.
But
that’s just TV, right? How about in the real world? Do businesses still allow
these inhumane relics to survive?
To
find out, we analyzed the emotional intelligence (EQ) profiles of the
million-plus people in our database—workers from the frontlines to the C-suite.
We discovered that the answer is yes, organizations today do promote the
emotionally inept … except when they don’t. Allow me to explain.
We
found that EQ scores climb with titles from the bottom of the corporate ladder
upward toward middle management. Middle managers stand out with the highest EQ
scores in the workplace because companies tend to promote people into these
positions who are level-headed and good with people. The assumption here is
that a manager with a high EQ is someone for whom people will want to work.
But
things change drastically as you move beyond middle management.
For
the titles of director and above, scores descend faster than a snowboarder on a
black diamond. CEOs, on average, have the lowest EQ scores in the workplace.
The trick is, the top performers are those with the highest EQ scores. Even
though CEOs have the lowest EQ scores in the workplace, the best-performing
CEOs are those with the highest EQs. You might get promoted with a low EQ, but
you won’t outshine your high-EQ competition in your new role.
The
higher you go above middle management, the more companies focus on metrics to
make hiring and promotion decisions. While these short-term, bottom-line
indicators are important, it’s shortsighted to make someone a senior leader
because of recent monetary achievements. Possibly worse than metrics, companies
also promote leaders for their knowledge and tenure, rather than their skill in
inspiring others to excel.
Companies
sell themselves short by selecting leaders who aren’t well-rounded enough to
perform at the highest levels for the long term.
Once
leaders get promoted they enter an environment that tends to erode their
emotional intelligence. They spend less time in meaningful interactions with
their staff and lose sight of how their emotional states impact those around
them. It’s so easy to get out of touch that leaders’ EQ levels sink further. It
truly is lonely at the top.
Whether
you’re a leader now or may become one in the future, you don’t have to succumb
to this trend. Your emotional intelligence is completely under your control.
Work on your EQ and it will boost your performance now. Your effort can also
ensure that you don’t experience declines as you climb the corporate ladder.
Even if your employer promotes you for the wrong reasons, you’ll still
outperform your contemporaries.
To
help you get started, here are some of my favorite EQ-boosting strategies for
leaders. They apply to anyone, so give them a try, even if you’re not a leader
(yet).
Acknowledge Other People’s Feelings
Assertive,
action-oriented executives don’t exactly ignore other people’s feelings. What
they tend to do instead is to marginalize them or “fix” them so that they don’t
get in the way of action. While some have suggested that this is a
predominantly male problem, it can more accurately be described as a “power
problem.” People who fail to acknowledge other people’s feelings fail to realize
that lingering emotions inhibit effective action. So the next time you notice
someone on your team expressing a strong emotion, ask him or her about it. Then
listen intently and play back what you have just heard in summary form. By
validating their emotions, you’ll help them feel understood so that they can
move forward without hindrance.
When You Care, Show It
This
might be the easiest thing you can do—as long as you actually do it. Good
leaders always notice when people on their teams are doing good work, but they
don’t often show it. When you appreciate something that another person does,
let him or her know about it. Even a quick email or pat on the back goes a long
way in this regard. There are people who do great work around you every day.
Don’t put off letting them know how you feel about it. Your praise will build
fierce loyalty and inspire your people to work even harder.
Watch Your Emotions Like A Hawk
The
techniques above are extremely effective, but both require an awareness of your
own emotions in the moment. You may think you have a world-class poker face,
but if you’re like the average executive, your weakest self-awareness skills
are “understanding how your emotions impact others” and “recognizing the role
you have played in creating difficult circumstances.” In other words, you would
become a much more effective leader if you obtained a better understanding of
what you feel, when you feel it. Practice this by taking notice of your
emotions, thoughts, and behaviors just as a situation unfolds. The goal is to
slow yourself down and take in all that is in front of you, so that you can
understand how your emotions influence your behavior and alter your perception
of reality.
Sleep
I’ve
beaten this one to death over the years and can’t say enough about the
importance of sleep to increasing your emotional intelligence and improving
your relationships. When you sleep, your brain literally recharges, shuffling
through the day’s memories and storing or discarding them (which causes
dreams), so that you wake up alert and clear-headed. Your self-control,
attention, and memory are all reduced when you don’t get enough—or the right
kind—of sleep. Sleep deprivation also raises stress hormone levels on its own,
even without a stressor present. The pressure that leaders are under often
makes them feel as if they don’t have time to sleep, but not taking the time to
get a decent night’s sleep is often the one thing keeping you from getting
things under control.
Quash Negative Self-Talk
A
big step in developing emotional intelligence involves stopping negative
self-talk in its tracks. The more you ruminate on negative thoughts, the more
power you give them. Most of our negative thoughts are just that—thoughts, not
facts. When you find yourself believing the negative and pessimistic things
your inner voice says, it’s time to stop and write them down. Literally stop
what you’re doing and write down what you’re thinking. Once you’ve taken a
moment to slow down the negative momentum of your thoughts, you will be more rational
and clear-headed in evaluating their veracity.
You
can bet that your statements aren’t true any time you use words like “never,”
“worst,” “ever,” etc. If your statements still look like facts once they’re on
paper, take them to a friend or colleague you trust and see if he or she agrees
with you. Then the truth will surely come out. When it feels like something
always or never happens, this is just your brain’s natural threat tendency
inflating the perceived frequency or severity of an event. Identifying and
labeling your thoughts as thoughts by separating them from the facts will help
you escape the cycle of negativity and move toward a positive new outlook.
Bringing It All Together
Is
your employer perpetuating this trend, or are they bucking it by developing
high-EQ leadership? Do you know high-EQ leaders who outshine the rest? Share
your experiences in the comments section below, and let's have a conversation
about this important topic.
Dr. Travis Bradberry is the award-winning
co-author of the #1 bestselling book,Emotional Intelligence 2.0,
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