10 Irritating Behaviors that Will Ruin Your Career
Talent,
skill, education, experience -- all are important. But since no one
does anything worthwhile on their own, treating other people with courtesy and respect is
a key ingredient in long-term professional success.
Yet
here's how some people get that really, really wrong:
1.
They thoughtlessly waste other peoples' time.
When
you’re late to an appointment or meeting, what you’re really
saying is that your time is more important. When you wait until the
grocery clerk finishes ringing you up to search for your debit card,
you’re really saying you can’t care less if others have to wait.
Every
time you take three minutes to fill your oversize water bottle while
a line stacks up behind you, you’re really saying you live in your
own little world… and your world is the only world that matters.
Small,
irritating things, but basically no big deal? Nope. People who don't
notice the small ways they inconvenience others tend to be oblivious
when they do it in major ways.
How
you treat people when it doesn't really matter – especially
when you're a leader--
says a lot about you. Behave as if the people around you have more
urgent needs than yours and you will never go wrong… and you will
definitely be liked.
2.
They ignore people outside their "level."
There's
an older guy at the gym that weigh over 300 pounds and understandably
struggles on the aerobic and weight equipment. (Hats off to him; he's
trying.) Yet
nobody talks to him. Or even seems to notice him. It's like he's
invisible.
Why?
He doesn't fit in.
Occasionally
we all do it. When we visit a company we talk to the people
we're supposed to
talk to. When we attend a civic event we talk to the people
we're supposed to
talk to. Or breeze right by the technicians and talk to the guy who
booked us to speak, even though the techs are the ones who make us
look and sound good onstage. (Or maybe that -- fortunately used to --
just be me.)
Here's
an easy rule of thumb:nod whenever you make an eye contact. Or smile. Or (gasp!) even say hi. Just act like people exist.
We'll
automatically like you for it -- and we’ll remember you as someone
who engages even when there's nothing in it for you.
3.
They ask for way too much.
A
guy you don't know asks you for a favor; a big, time-consuming favor.
You politely decline. He asks again. You decline again. Then he whips
out the Need Card: "But it's really important to me.
You have to.
I really need
[it]."
Maybe
we do, in fact, really need [it]. But our needs are our problems. The
world doesn't owe us anything. We aren't entitled to advice or
mentoring or success. The only thing we’re entitled to is what we
earn.
People
tend to help people who first help themselves. People tend to help people who first help them.
And
people definitely befriend people who look out for other people
first, because we all want more of those people in our lives.
4.
They ignore people in genuine need.
At
the same time, some people aren't in a position to help themselves.
They need a hand: a few dollars, some decent food, or a warm coat.
Though
I don't necessarily believe in karma, I do believe good things always come back to you in the form of feeling goo about yourself..
And
that's reason enough to help people who find themselves on the
downside of advantage.
5.
They ask a question so they can
talk.
A
guy at lunch asks, "Hey, do you think social-media marketing is
effective?"
"Well,"
you answer, "I think under the right circumstances..."
"Wrong,"
he interrupts. "I've never seen a return on investment. I've
never seen a bump in direct sales. Plus 'awareness' is not a
measurable or even an important goal...." And he drones on while
you desperately try to escape.
Don't
shoehorn in your opinions under false pretenses. Only ask a question
if you genuinely want to know the answer. And when you do speak
again, ask a follow-up question that helps you better understand the
other person's point of view.People
like people who are genuinely interested in other people not
in themselves.
6.
They pull a, "Do you know who I am?"
Many people whip out some form of the "I'm Too Important
for This"
card.
Maybe
the line is too long. Or the service isn't sufficiently "personal."
Or they aren't shown their "deserved" level of respect.
Say
you really are somebody. People always like you better when you don't act like you know you're somebody -
or that you think it entitles you to different treatment.
7.
They don't know when to dial it back.
An
unusual personality is a lot of fun… until it isn't. Yet when the
going gets tough or a situation gets stressful, some people just
can't stop "expressing their individuality."
We
know you're funny. We know you're quirky. We know you march to the
beat of your own drum. Still, there's a time to play and a time to be
serious, a time to be irreverent and a time to conform, a time to
challenge and a time to back off.
Knowing
when the situation requires you to stop justifying your words or
actions with an unspoken, "Hey, that's just me being me,"
is the difference between being likeable and
being an ass.
8.
They mistake self-deprecation for permission.
You
know how it's OK when you make fun of certain things about yourself…
but not for other people to make fun of you for those same things?
Like receding hairlines, or weight, or your spouse and kids, or a
struggling career.
It's
OK when you poke a little gentle fun at yourself, but the last thing
you want to hear are bald or money or, "Do you want fries with
that?" jokes. (Bottom line: I can
say I'm fat. You can't.)
Sometimes
self-deprecation is genuine, but it's often a mask for insecurity.
Never assume a person who makes fun of himself is giving you
permission to poke the same fun at him.
Only
tease when you know it
will be taken in the right spirit. Otherwise, if you feel the need to
be funny, make fun of yourself.
9.
They humblebrag.
Humblebragging
is a form of bragging that tries to cover the brag with a veneer of
humility so you can brag without appearing to brag. (Key word is
"appearing," because it's still easy to tell humblebraggers
are quite tickled with themselves.)
For
example, here's a tweeted humblebrag from actor Stephen Fry: "Oh
dear. Don't know what to do at the airport. Huge crowd, but I'll miss
my plane if I stop and do photos... oh dear don't want to
disappoint."
No
one wants to hear how stressed you are about your upcoming TED Talk.
No one wants to hear how hard it is to maintain two homes. Before you
brag -- humbly or not, business or personal -- think about your
audience. A gal who is a size 14 doesn't want to hear you complain
that normally you're a size 2 but you're a size 4 in Prada because
Prada sizes run large.
Or
better yet, don't brag at all. Justbe proud of what you've accomplished. Let others brag for you. If
you've done cool things, they will.
10.
They push their opinions.
You
know things. Cool things. Great things.
Awesome.
But only share them in the right settings. If you're a mentor, share
away. If you're a coach or a leader, share away. If you're the guy
who just started a paleo diet… please don't tell us all what to
order – unless
we ask.
What's
right for you may not be right for others. Shoot, what you think is
right for you might not even turn out to be right for you.
Like
most things in life, offering helpful advice is all about picking
your spots -- just like winning friends, influencing people,
and building
an awesome career.
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