PERSONAL SPECIAL...Three Ways To Negotiate About Anything

Three Ways To Negotiate About Anything

The showdown in Washington, D.C. over the so-called fiscal cliff is a great lesson in negotiation–or, more precisely, how not to reach an agreement. In fact, both sides have already committed a slew of no-no’s, says Christopher Voss, a former FBI hostage negotiator who is a consultant and an adjunct professor at Georgetown University’s McDonough School of Business. All of us could learn from their mistakes.

In the case of the fiscal cliff, the stakes include tipping the economy back into recession if already baked-in tax increases and draconian spending cuts aren’t switched off or tweaked. A bright line separates the philosophies of President Obama and Democrats, who are adamant that the rich must pay more taxes before they’ll capitulate; from Republicans who insist that entitlement reform is key to any deal. Both sides already have given press conferences making clear their respective starting points. Both sides are deeply entrenched, claiming mandates from voters to hold firm.

Effective negotiating is more complicated than making an offer, considering the other side’s offer and then trying to basically shove those ideas into alignment, says Voss, who was the FBI’s lead international kidnapping negotiator from 2003 to 2007. In that role, he couldn’t just pick up the phone and demand that everyone be let go — “or else.” Instead, it’s like walking on a tight rope, he says. “If you focus on the end objective, instead of on keeping one foot balanced in front of the other, you’ll fall off.”

Most of us are lucky enough that when we argue, we don’t have the fate of a nation’s economy — or human lives — in our hands. But whatever the context, reaching an agreement can be tough. Whether you are dealing with a difficult boss; trying to settle a legal dispute; or attempting to sell a business, here are some steps Voss recommends you to take.

Let the other person talk first. A lot of people only feel powerful when they are talking, so they are just waiting for their turn to jump in – something that leads to a downward spiral of disagreement. In fact, you can strengthen your hand if you start by just listening to the other side. Often they have “at least three to five pieces of information that, if you knew what they were, it would change your entire perspective,” Voss says.

Once you’ve heard the other side’s arguments, set a date for another meeting. Then leave the bargaining table. By letting them go first, you’ve allowed them to vent, and potentially gained some valuable information. That helps you come back in a slightly better position.

From there, things ought to basically follow this formula: figure out where both sides have any areas of agreement; then continue exploring until you have found a mutually agreeable objective. “That creates rapport–unity of purpose,” Voss says. “When politicians get out of the habit of negotiating via press conferences and instead try and get to know each other again, maybe even start breaking bread with each other – that’s your starting point.”

Avoid rigid deadlines. They don’t usually help. A hostage-taker will tell you what it takes to surrender — but not directly, and not right away, Voss says. You have to listen for it, by using open-ended questions to keep the other person talking, and dropping in plenty of pauses when speaking to keep the mood calm and unrushed. Ultimately, the process runs at its own pace. By not applying deadline pressures, you may actually be able to end it more quickly.

Set realistic expectations. What about negotiating with someone who makes clear from the outset they will not yield or that they have a pre-determined objective? Is that process destined to fail from the get-go? “It depends on your definition of success,” Voss says. “In a hostage situation, if we could make the dialogue last just one minute longer than the hostage-taker had otherwise planned before he killed someone, that perhaps could be considered a success,” he says. “You have to be willing to engage in a negotiation one step at a time and not worry about where it’s going.”

by Andy Meek, a senior reporter for the Memphis Daily News

http://www.forbes.com/sites/deborahljacobs/2012/11/19/three-ways-to-negotiate-about-anything/