How to stop worrying (2)
There will always be times we’ll
have a little bit of worry. We’re only human, after all.
But if you want to stop the chronic
worrying that is making life miserable for you, try one – or all – of these
research-based ideas.
1. Keep a Worry Outcome Diary
How realistic is your worry?
That’s really the bottom-line
question that you need to answer.
This tool assists you in keeping
track of what you worry about so that you can see if your worries are realistic
or not.
Specifically, it looks like this:
1.) My worry:
2.) What outcome (end result) do I
fear:
3.) How bad this outcome would be on
a scale of 0-10 (0 = not bad at all, 10 = the worst thing that could happen):
4.) What really happened:
5.) How bad was the real outcome
(same 0-10 scale as above):
Find a notebook and jot down these
entries or copy and paste the above several times onto several pages on your
word processor.
Then, throughout the day, 1.) note
each thing that you are worried about.
2.) Write down what you think will
happen that is so bad or scary about each worry.
3.) Rate on a scale from 0-10 how
bad this feared outcome would be.
At the end of each day, review your
diary for current and past entries and see if any of the outcomes have occurred
for the things you were worried about.
Write down 4.) what really happened
to the thing you worried about.
Then 5.) rate the real outcome on
the same scale of 0-10 from step 3.).
Now compare numbers 3.) and 5.). Was
the outcome as bad as you feared?
Most likely not.
Even if you do this Worry Outcome
Diary for a week or two, you will soon find out that you can stop worrying
about most of the things on your worry list because they’re not true!
Or at least the outcome – the very
thing that you spent so much time and energy worrying about – wasn’t anywhere
near as bad as you thought it would be.
2. Set aside a specific time to worry
One of the things that can happen if
you are a constant worrier is that, because you worry throughout the day, you
start to associate normal things in your life with worry.
If you’re worrying when you stop at
Starbucks for your morning coffee, after awhile going into Starbucks might
trigger worry.
If you’re worrying when you are
cooking dinner, you might start to associate cooking with worrying.
Setting aside a 20-30 minute time
for worrying during your day will do a couple of things for you.
• It will help break the
associations between worrying and your normal daily routine.
• It stops the energy drain that
occurs when you are worrying constantly throughout your day.
When you feel yourself start to
worry, let it go and remember that you can worry all you want in your specified
time period.
Alternatively, practice worrying on
one day and choose not to worry the next. Then note whether there was any
difference between the days in terms of outcomes or how you are feeling.
Did the worrying make your life
better on that day?
3. Practice relaxation exercises and letting go
As you know, your body tenses up
when you worry.
Conversely, if your muscles are
completely relaxed, it’s very hard to think worrisome thoughts.
There are many relaxation videos and
audio recordings online. Find one that works for you and take time to learn to
relax.
As you are relaxing, if a worry
starts creeping into your mind, practice letting it go. At least for the time
that you are relaxing. It will be there again if you really need it!
4. Be mindful
Worrying, of course, is usually
about things that have occurred in the past or what we fear will happen in the
future.
You can’t worry about what is
happening right now, in this moment.
And this moment is where life is
happening for you.
Mindfulness is about being in the
present moment and noticing your experience without judgment.
When you find yourself starting to
worry, bring yourself back to the current moment and just notice how you are
feeling and what you are thinking.
Have no judgment about either your
emotions or your thoughts. Just notice them and be kind to yourself rather than
beating yourself up for worrying again.
If you find it hard to stay in the
moment, try using some grounding techniques that use your senses.
Notice how the countertop or desk
feels under your fingers. Smell the aroma of coffee or the fresh air outside.
Become aware of the different sounds around you.
5. Feel the fear and do it anyway
Remember that your worrying may be a
way to feel in control of something that is frightening for you, something a
bit deeper than the worry itself.
Keep asking yourself “What’s the
worst thing that can happen?” until you discover what is so fearful to you.
Then, perhaps with the help of a
trusted friend or a therapist, face your fear.
It’s the only way to overcome it.
Try out the scary thing – whether
it’s public speaking, having a hard conversation with your partner, or looking
at a snake at a zoo – and notice what happens.
Did the worst thing happen? Did you
die from it?
No.
6. How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb?
You know the answer.
“Only one, but the light bulb has
to really want to change.”
No one is going to stop worrying for
you. You might just have to take yourself by the scruff of the neck, give a
little shake, and say, “It’s time – let’s do this!”
Do you really want to change?
You have the tools now so the rest
is up to you.
Don’t let worry strangle you.
Use one or more of the above
strategies – or mix and match! – and discover how to stop worrying.
For good.
How do you deal with your worries?
References:
Borkovec, T.D., Hazlett-Stevens, H.,
& Diaz, M.L. (1999). The Role of Positive Beliefs about Worry in
Generalized Anxiety Disorder ad its Treatment. Clinical Psychology and
Psychotherapy, 6, 126-138.
Gladstone, G. & Parker, G.
(2003). What’s the use of worrying? Its function and its dysfunction. Australian
and New Zealand Journal of Psychiatry, 37, 347-354.
Nightingale, Earl. The
Essence of Success. Retrieved from http://www.nightingale.com/AE_Article~i~210~article~TheFogofWorryOnly8WorthIt.aspx, September 29, 2012.
http://thebounceblog.com/2012/10/01/how-to-stop-worrying/#.UIjQEu_W_Fx
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