WOMEN AT WORK
Time to say goodbye to guilt
According to Cathy Guisewite, the cartoonist who gently poked fun at the lives and struggles of modern women, the four basic guilt groups are food, love, career and motherhood. If guilt is best described as self-directed anger or frustration at what we did or did not do, it applies most to working women-—for, at work it is what you did not do for the kids and at home it is what you did not do for work. If there is one universal thread that binds working women across nations, locations and professions, it is this enormous guilt and anxiety when combining a career with family. Each of us, at some point, has to face the dilemma of that inevitable choice between a ‘so-so’ career and wellbrought up kids or a career trajectory overshadowed by a neglected family.
Seated in Axis Bank’s posh new Lower Parel office late one evening, its chief executive officer Shikha Sharma confides that in the almost three decades of her career, she has had her share of guilt. The idea of leaving children to get to work, the moments of throwing in the towel, and that eternal balancing act has taken many twists and turns, especially through the teenage years of her children, when the weight of guilt sits most heavy and unresolved, as a constant reminder of not being able to adequately fulfill either of the two roles.
I ask Shikha that, having achieved so much—an even more exciting career ahead and kids who have now flown the nest—how did she deal with this guilt. She explains that somewhere through the journey there is a moment of truth when one is able to disregard the desire to be driven by other people’s motives and aspirations—whether it be a parent’s or husband’s expectations, or the demands of children. And it is a moment that allows a woman to isolate her own needs outside the din created by her loved ones and well wishers. The realization that a career can potentially offer immense personal satisfaction goes a long way in releasing the pent-up tension in walking that tightrope. This moment of truth allows a woman to step out of her own shadows and away from the fears that dodge her in achieving her full potential.
Through this process, a woman emerges with immense fortitude and confidence which in turn work towards tenacity and perseverance—a major attribute for career women in for the long haul.
This realization will, hopefully, spawn a new breed of role models for more and more women to aspire to. Most women today grew up in households where their mothers, under the traditional family structure, drew their sense of fulfillment from bringing up children, from their husband’s professional success and from managing family matters and relationships. Today, career aspirations share an equal platform with family responsibilities. As a result, women are stepping into a new paradigm defined by diminishing importance at home and hesitant baby steps into traditionally male-dominated work environments. In this re-definition, women struggle to draw a line between their priorities— two equally engaging and relevant spheres of life. And it does not help that today’s women do not have any handme-down tales of wisdom and guidebooks from their mothers or grandmothers to help them navigate this evolutionary process. To resolve her dilemma, today’s woman needs to throw away pre-conditioned notions and set her own boundaries, creating a balance that is unique to her. Above all, it is time to say a fond goodbye to guilt. And in doing so, she can create multiple role models for her daughters, giving them a landscape of choice. And, soon she will be creating heartwarming bed-time fairy tales featuring working mothers and children with slightly altered ‘lived happily ever after’ endings—a comforting thought for mothers and children alike to sleep to in the years to come.
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