COMMUNICATION SPECIAL...HOW TO TALK TO STRANGERS

HOW TO TALK TO STRANGERS

HELLO, er...I’m...er And you’re...um...

If that’s your conversational starter at company parties and social gatherings, then read on. Talking to strangers isn’t as tough as it seems. Follow a few rules

   Starting a conversation with a stranger is a bit like diving from the highboard for the first time: a false move could mean a painful thud. Little wonder then that at every kind of gathering there are always people hanging around the fringes looking uncomfortable. The internet offers a plethora of prescriptions on how to start a conversation with a stranger, but it’s easier said (or read) than done. Contexts should determine the opening line, particularly in a changing but still conservative society like India. The division between chatting and chatting up can be confusing, not the least because many Indians are not conversant with the subtleties of idiom. There are no one-sizefits-all axioms to get talking, situations provide the solution, with a few general rules of thumb, of course.

A Company Affair

In company gatherings, it’s best to walk up and introduce yourself. It’s amazing how effective “Hi, we haven’t met but I’m XYZ from Chennai office”, can be. And even if the reply is timid, just name/department, if the name rings a bell, you can follow up with, “I’ve seen you marked on emails. Now I can put a face to the name!”
   If the response is still tentative, offer a compliment. “You always send the most prompt replies…” Follow that up with a charmingly self-deprecatory, “I wish I was that clearheaded!” and most people would be moved to reply more animatedly.
   Listening together to presentations can offer an opening line too. “Did you catch that last point? What did she mean? By the way, I’m XYZ from the Chennai office…” So can an announcement. “Gosh, they want all of us to send in proposals by tomorrow evening? That won’t give us much time! Especially since I have a flight to catch back to Chennai…I’m XYZ. Are you one of the lucky ones from this city?”
   And if you happen to be part of the host office, so to speak, of a national meeting, it’s dead easy. “Hi, I’m XYZ and let me welcome you to my city and this office… You are…? Have you met any of my colleagues?” can be embellished with a “I hope we can all find time to talk after the meeting,” and a friendly smile.

Social Formations

Non-work gatherings are both a challenge and an opportunity: diverse backgrounds, interests and professions, so subjects for opening lines are also many. The hard part is figuring out which one to choose. And to do so without violating the conversation rule—no religion, politics or work.
   Most cities provide the usual common gripes, weather and traffic. Waiting to greet the host/hostess, a comment to the next in line could be, “Did you get caught in the rush hour too?” A heartfelt “Yes, it took me 45 minutes to get here!” can lead to, “Me too! I’m XYZ, by the way. Funny how wider roads just lead to more congestion!” Whether it is an affirmative or a dissenting reply, you’re off to a conversation.
   Common confusion or quandary is another easy conversation starter. Provided, of course, that the similarity of situation is apparent. “I don’t know a soul here, but I couldn’t pass up a chance to hear Rashid Khan!” A concurring answer to either part of that opening line can lead to either simple swapping of names or the beginning of a connoisseurs’ exchange.
   But even a negative reply can afford opportunity. “You’ve been to soirees here before? Then tell me, can we ask him to sing a particular raga as it’s not a stage performance?”
   If the main part of the engagement does not afford a conversational stepping stone, the meal definitely can. “I’m not much of a foodie… Have you ever had paella before?” Whatever the reply, a general query-cum-introduction can take it further. “You have? Is the rice meant to be so chewy?” or “You haven’t? Well it sure looks like khichri doesn’t it? Shall we try it?”

Passing Time

Introductions can actually be irrelevant in transient gatherings such as those at airports, job interviews or doctors’ waiting rooms. Appearing to be too friendly can be awkward or even threatening to some, so an innocuous intent must be conveyed.
   Anxiety and humour are probably the best tools. “Are fog delays common in Delhi? I didn’t realise I’d have to spend four hours waiting for the flight to be called…!”, “She looks quite chirpy; maybe the interview panel is not full of dragons!” and “I always judge a doctor by his waiting chamber!” invite conversation without confidences and therefore cannot be interpreted as being importunate, or worse still, as come-ons.
   As with a perfect dive, a perfect initial conversation should strive for maximum effect with minimum friction, so that no one will be scared of taking the plunge!

1. Begin with a pleasant expression and at least a hint of a smile, if not a grin, as people will then be more comfortable about interacting

2. Self-deprecating humour & candour are disarming. Lacing opening lines with either is sure to evoke a response

3. Be observant about body language and expression for clues on conversation starters

4. Current affairs, history, sciences and even factoids can be a reservoir to dip into for nuggets to tempt shy conversationalists

5. Never cross the fine line between inquiring and prying. Too much probing could cause the other person to clam up—or erupt

6. Develop an antenna to figure out when a stranger wants to remain one: don’t foist a dialogue if all replies remain monosyllabic.

:: Reshmi R Dasgupta (ET 110403)