Saturday, January 27, 2018

PERSONAL / DAD SPECIAL .......How to be a super dad

How to be a super dad

A renowned refractive eye surgeon’s new book suggests 99 one-minute methods to raise positive, confident and healthy children. He shares a few essential tips

Raising kids is not only an art, but also a science. A child’s mind has been correctly described as a blank paper. So, it is important to understand this a bit deeper. We have a conscious mind, where we do and say things that we are fully conscious of and our mind is actively thinking. Subconscious mind is deeper, stronger and more powerful. When we first learn to drive, our mind is focused on the pedal, gear, the road, the small things; even a slightest disturbance freaks us out. However, once it is repeated and it becomes inherent in our nervous system and ingrained in our subconscious mind, also called the “auto-pilot”. At this stage, we can drive that car from our home to office without even being aware sometimes and realise at the end of our ride that we have reached. That is the power of subconscious, which is where all our habits, beliefs and mindset is.

Power of subconscious
Information, observations and experiences in the first 12 years of life are recorded in the subconscious mind and form a child’s personality (the values and habits of thought, action and the way he/she responds to a situation). The good news is that we can influence kids in a positive way in each of the key aspects of life and this forms the software of the mind, which runs the auto-pilot of how they carry on in their lives. This needs attention and one must be cautious to “guard the doors of the mind”.

Catch them young
More than 80 per cent of what we do or say and how we behave is a result of our subconscious programming rather than our conscious choices. Any sports or business coach will tell you his job is 80 per cent about changing his trainee’s subconscious belief system. If the subconscious software is coded correctly, it will drive them to achieve great things. Small mistakes will leave bugs in their systems, which may cause future challenges. By the time a child is 10, his entire personality has already been formed. His language, thinking and habits are well ingrained in him.
Although it is possible to change them later in life, it takes more effort to do so. Ironically, the first 12 years of the children are also the father’s most crucial career years.
Every child has within him seeds of greatness. All we have to do is to provide the right environment to nurture them. We do not have to reinvent anything.
If you too are like many dads, particularly the time-pressed ones, you often wonder if you are doing everything you can to help your child grow up to live to his/her full potential, do not despair.
Let’s face it, that in most instances, we cannot increase the time we spend with kids, and hence, we need to be smart to make the time we have count. A good father can raise his child to be a stable, healthy, confident individual, composed in all situations, and one who responds rather than reacts to situations. Surveys suggest that a father, on an average in a working weekday is able to give 5-7 minutes a day of time to his kids (this is the time when he is not doing anything else, such as texting, emailing). So, here are a few methods — will take you less than a minute — that will help them become positive individuals.

Put seeds of encouragement: As Indians, we are all quick to criticise children at the slightest lack of performance or results, especially when academics are concerned, and that is often the seed for a lot of problems. Parents keep telling their children, “You can never do well” or “You can never improve in this”. What we do not realise is that, this is becoming the subconscious voice in the child as he is going to be repeatedly telling that to himself. Encouragement is a cornerstone of a child’s development and the art of communication is based on understanding that nothing should be assumed. Appreciation of small things goes a long way, even if on the most trivial things. Individual perception shapes reality for a person and it could well be totally different from the actual reality visible to others.

Look for qualities: Ask your children to write down the good qualities in their role models and request them to read it to you once a month for a minute. This is a powerful tool that will tell you of their deepest feelings and a summary of how they are going about in life.

Talk healthy: Make a list of healthy fruits and vegetables and talk about one every day. Select a vegetable or fruit of the weekand have a one-minute talk on it for a week. This educates them about diet and nutrition, which is missing in the school curriculum and in the modern age, accounts for up to 40 per cent of health problems in childhood. The catch is to bring in awareness in a fun way. While watching a movie together, describing the muscles of the hero or a good body doesn’t take more than a minute, but it instills in the tender mind a target to aim for and that keeps him on the track. It doesn’t take long to say in the morning, “It is going to be a great day”. This plays in the child’s mind all day and generates positivity.

Ask them to complete the following sentences:
I am happiest when … I am saddest when … I feel good when … I feel joy when … I feel peaceful when ...
I really desire to have … Many of the answers will surprise you but we can use them to understand and help the kids with their interests, desires and talents.

Ask questions: Questions that stimulate participation and creativity, such as: Why do we need to do it this way?
How else can we do this?
This could be homework, a problem or even craftwork.

Give them a hug: When returning home, a hug with a one-minute description of how much you missed them all day and how much they mean to you makes up for all the lack of time spent with kids. Don’t rush to check your email or text as soon as you get home. The first five minutes when you enter your house is most crucial and impactful. Don’t forget your spouse too here.

Create a sibling bond: Siblings fighting all the time is a big headache for parents. At the end of the day, asking them to give a minute-long chat on something nice that their brother or sister did or said to them shifts their focus to the positive aspect of their sibling and keeps them to think one for the next day. It’s a subtle way to change the focus to something that is more desirable and doesn’t need time.

- Dr Prashant Jindal, a refractive eye surgeon, is the author of the book, ‘One Minute Super Dad: 99 One Minute Magic Moments you can easily create to raise Amazing Children’, published by Harper Collins


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