Six Habits Of Positive People
Whether you realize it or not, you
have a coach that gives guidance, critiques performance, and analyzes results.
That coach is your self-talk—that voice inside your head that provides a
running commentary on your life. High performers recognize that self-talk isn’t
just background noise; it can be a powerful force that either helps us succeed
or holds us back.
"Everyone engages in unhealthy
self-talk at times, it’s just part of the human condition. But, obviously some
people do it more than others," says clinical psychologist and performance
coach Lubna Somjee.
When it comes to self-talk,
high-performers tend to have a different track running through their heads,
Somjee says. When their self-talk takes a negative turn, they consciously stop
and course-correct it.
Here are six hallmarks of successful
people’s self-talk.
Successful, optimistic people don’t
get caught up in a cycle of shame and name-calling. They give themselves a
break, says psychotherapist Mary Jo Rapini. Instead of poring over every second
of an unsuccessful interview and berating themselves, instead they look for
lesson and move on, chalking up the exchange as a learning experience, she
says. When they find themselves slipping into "I suck" territory,
they work on focusing on their positive attributes and strengths.
Sometimes, messages received in
childhood stick with us, Rapini says. High-performers weed out the negative
messages that were picked up in childhood, often by well-meaning adults.
Successful people trace the origin of those messages and determine where they
came from, then work on eliminating them.
While some of us get thrown by
challenges and setbacks, high-performers take the lesson from the experience
and see it as an incremental movement toward where they ultimately want to go,
Rapini says. Their inner coach quickly gets them back on track to try again.
"They don’t get into this
‘all-or-nothing’ thinking, which is a huge mistake that a lot of people who
fail a lot do. They tell themselves that if they don’t get this particular
thing, they won’t ever succeed. Most of us know that you’re going to make
mistakes—that setbacks are stepping stones," she says.
When one thing doesn’t go right, it
can be easy to survey the landscape for anything else that’s less-than-perfect
and create a giant snowball of unhappiness, Somjee says. People who have
healthy self-talk are able to compartmentalize various challenges instead of
viewing them as a full-court-press of setbacks.
They see each challenge as individual
and not part of some greater, negative pattern.
They see each challenge as
individual and not part of some greater, negative pattern, so they’re able to
create a plan of attack for each, while others are just left feeling
overwhelmed.
If high-performers have
less-than-stellar performances, they don’t assume all of the fault. Instead,
they look at the factors that contributed to the outcome and don’t take it
personally. Just because one thing didn’t go their way isn’t a reflection on
their ability, commitment or value as human beings, Somjee says.
One of the most important things
that high-performers do is forgive themselves. Even when they make mistakes,
they look for ways to improve and move on.
"It goes back to being kind to
yourself, not calling yourself names. Rather than looking at how much you
messed up, take the lesson from the situation and work on doing a better job
next time," Rapini says.
By Gwen Moran
http://www.fastcompany.com/3048235/know-it-all/six-habits-of-positive-people?utm_source=mailchimp&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=fast-company-weekly-newsletter-featured&position=4&partner=newsletter&campaign_date=07172015
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