COMMUNICATION SPECIAL..............................MAKING SMALL TALK BIGGER

MAKING SMALL TALK BIGGER





Stuck in situations where you can only muster polite nothings?
Our experts tell you how to find more meaning in conversations

The incredible characteristic that distinguishes us human beings from other species is our ability to communicate verbally. But what good is communication if it barely scratches the surface? Whether it is running into an old schoolmate at a restaurant or eating lunch with a few colleagues, people often end up making the standard small talk.So, how does one indulge in a more meaningful conversation?

LISTEN ATTENTIVELY

The basis of any valuable conversation depends on your ability to listen. Only when you lend a patient and an attentive ear to somebody, will you be able to start a dialogue. “Active listening is important to avoid onesided or surface level conversation,“ says relationship counsellor Dr Rajan Bhonsle.“Repeat and summarise what the other person is saying. This will make him/her feel more comfortable and important, and will prompt them to speak to you at a deeper level.“

Listening, adds city-based High Court lawyer Mahesh Pawar, helps you remain spontaneous and coherent. “You can't rattle off, especially in my profession, without figuring what the other person is saying,“ he says. “Follow them word for word, and respond accordingly.“

DON'T MIRROR THE PERSON

And while you may be listening attentively, radio and television host José Covaco warns that it is important to not constantly mirror the person you are having a conversation with. “Don't repeat what they are saying. If someone says, `It's pouring today', you don't turn around and say `yeah, it is pouring'. Speak about what you can do, how you'll travel and what you'll eat,“ he suggests. Build the dialogue

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BE OBSERVANT

Let's say you are in a situation where you are being interviewed by a potential employer, you should “know that it helps to have a sharp eye and do some research on the boss-to-be“, advises Covaco. “If she has a set of collectibles, or books in the cabin, or is wearing a Batman T-shirt, you can take off from there, and start speaking about something other than just work.“

Most of the times, he feels, employers end up having the same redundant conversations with future employees, so studying the mood, the place and the person comes handy. The same thumb rule applies when you are on a date. “And when stumped,“ says etiquette expert Rukshana Eisa, “a compliment always works.“

GO RANDOM

After gauging the mood and exchanging pleasantries, much to Eisa's reluctance (“it is against the etiquette rule-book“), Covaco says, “Opt for the strange and unexpected. Ask which is your favourite political party, or which religion you think is the best,“ he laughs. “It is sure to encourage more than a few words.“ He adds that we could “attempt“ throwing random questions at our parents “whom many people, unfor tunately, end up making small talk with the most. Go for, `Did the bank balance take a toll because of me?'“

LEAD THE WAY

A good starting point for any conversation that Pawar depends on are the five words of journalism, `what, when, who, where, and how'. “They help me when I am speaking to cagey clients,“ he says. If it is you who is seeking a meaningful conversation, then “lead it,“ recommends Dr Bhonsle. “For instance, if you ask someone what is your profession, and he or she responds, `I am a doctor', follow it up with, `Why did you choose to become one?'“ Throwing open ended questions is imperative. Avoid questions that will prod a monosyllabic answer.

Reema Gehi

MM12AUG15