13 Habits of exceptionally likeable people
Too many people succumb to the
mistaken belief that being likeable comes from natural, unteachable traits that
belong only to a lucky few -the good looking, the fiercely social and the
incredibly talented. It's easy to fall prey to this misconception. In reality,
being likeable is under your control, and it's a matter of Emotional
Intelligence (EQ). In a study, subjects rated over 500 adjectives based on
their perceived significance to likeability. The top-rated adjectives had
nothing to do with being gregarious, intelligent, or attractive (innate
characteristics). Instead, the top adjectives were sincerity, transparency, and
capacity for understanding (another person).
These adjectives, and others like
them, describe people who are skilled in the social side of emotional
intelligence. Research data from more than a million people shows that people
who possess these skills aren't just highly likeable, they outperform those who
don't by a large margin. We did some digging to uncover the key behaviours that
emotionally intelligent people engage in that make them so likeable.Here are 13
of the best...
1 THEY ASK QUESTIONS
The biggest mistake people make when
it comes to listening is they're so focused on what they're going to say next
or what the other person is saying is going to affect them that they fail to
hear what's being said. The words come through loud and clear, but the meaning
is lost.People like to know you're listening and even a clarification question
shows that not only are you listening, you also care about what they're
saying.You'll be surprised how much respect and appreciation you gain just by
asking questions.
2 THEY PUT AWAY THEIR PHONES
Nothing will turn someone off to you
like a mid-conversation text message or even a quick glance at your phone. When
you commit to a conversation, focus all of your energy on the conversation. You
will find that conversations are more enjoyable and effective when you immerse
yourself
in them.
3 THEY ARE GENUINE
People gravitate toward those who
are gen uine and honest because they know they can trust them. It is difficult
to like someone when you don't know who they really are and how they
feel.Likeable people are confident enough to be comfortable in their own skin.
By concentrating on what drives you and makes you happy , you become a much
more interesting person than if you attempt to win people over by making
choices that you think will make them like you.
4 THEY DON'T PASS JUDGMENT
Being open-minded makes you
approachable and interesting to others. No one wants to have a conversation
with someone who has already formed an opinion and is not willing to listen. To
eliminate preconceived notions and judgment, you need to see the world through
other people's eyes. This doesn't require you believe what they believe or
condone their behaviour, it simply means you quit passing judgment long enough
to truly understand what makes them tick. Only then can you let them be who
they are.
5 THEY DON'T SEEK ATTENTION
You don't need to develop a big,
extroverted personality to be likeable. Simply being friendly and considerate
is enough. When you speak in a friendly , confident, and concise manner, you
will notice that people are more attentive and persuadable than if you try to
show them you're important. When you're being given attention, such as when
you're being recognised for an accomplishment, shift the focus to the people
who worked hard to help you get there. This may sound cliché, but if it's
genuine, the fact that you appreciate their help will show that you're
appreciative and humble -two adjectives that are closely tied to likeability.
6 THEY ARE CONSISTENT
Few things make you more unlikeable
than when you're all over the place. When people approach you, they like to
know whom they're dealing with and what sort of response they can expect. To be
consistent you must be reliable, and ensure that even when your mood goes up
and down it doesn't affect how you treat others.
7 THEY USE POSITIVE BODY LANGUAGE
Becoming cognisant of your gestures,
expressions, and tone of voice will draw people to you. Using an enthusiastic
tone, uncrossing your arms, maintaining eye contact and leaning towards the
person who's speaking are all forms of positive body language that high-EQ
people use to draw others in. Positive body language can make all the
difference in a conversation.
8 THEY LEAVE A STRONG FIRST IMPRESSION
Research shows most people decide
whether or not they like you within the first seven seconds of meeting you.
They then spend the rest of the conversation internally justifying their
initial reaction. This may sound terrifying, but by knowing this you can take advantage
of it to make huge gains in your likeability . Strong posture, a firm
handshake, smiling, and opening your shoulders to the person you are talking to
will help ensure that your first impression is a good one.
9 THEY GREET PEOPLE BY NAME
Your name is an essential part of
your iden tity, and it feels terrific when people use it.Likeable people make
certain they use others' names every time they see them. You shouldn't use
someone's name only when you greet him.Research shows that people feel validated
when the person they're speaking with refers to them by name during a
conversation. When you meet someone, don't be afraid to ask her name a second
time if you forget it right after you hear it.
10 THEY SMILE A LOT
People naturally (and unconsciously)
mirror the body language of the person they're talking to. If you want people
to like you, smile at them during a conversation and they will unconsciously
return the favour and feel good as a result.
11 THEY KNOW WHEN TO OPEN UP
Be careful to avoid sharing personal
prob lems and confessions too quickly , as this will get you labeled a
complainer. Likeable people let the other person guide when it's the right time
for them to open up.
12 THEY KNOW WHEN AND WHO TO TOUCH
When you touch someone during a
conversation, you release oxytocin in their brain, a neurotransmitter that
makes their brain associate you with trust and a slew of other positive
feelings. A simple touch on the shoulder, a hug or a friendly handshake is all
it takes to release oxytocin. Of course, you have to touch the right person in
the right way to release oxytocin, as unwanted or inappropriate touching has
the opposite effect.
13 THEY BALANCE PASSION AND FUN
People gravitate toward those who
are passionate. That said, it's easy for passionate people to come across as
too serious or uninterested because they tend to get absorbed in their work.
Likeable people balance their passion with the ability to have fun. They get
things done because they are socially effective in short amounts of time and
capitalise on valuable social moments. They minimise small talk and gossip and
instead focus on having meaningful interactions with their co-workers. They
remember what you said to them yesterday or last week, which shows that you're
just as important to them as their work.
BRINGING IT ALL TOGETHER
Likeable people are invaluable and
unique. They network with ease, promote harmony in the workplace, bring out the
best in everyone around them, and generally seem to have the most fun. Add
these skills to your repertoire and watch your likeability soar!
|
Dr Travis Bradberry,
|
TOI21JUL15
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