9 Things
Successful People Won't Do
While
the list that follows isn’t exhaustive, it presents nine key things that you
can avoid in order to increase your emotional intelligence and performance.
They Won’t Let Anyone Limit
Their Joy
When
your sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from comparing yourself to
others, you are no longer the master of your own happiness. When emotionally
intelligent people feel good about something that they’ve done, they won’t let
anyone’s opinions or accomplishments take that away from them.
While
it’s impossible to turn off your reactions to what others think of you, you
don’t have to compare yourself to others, and you can always take people’s
opinions with a grain of salt. That way, no matter what other people are
thinking or doing, your self-worth comes from within. Regardless of what people
think of you at any particular moment, one thing is certain—you’re never as
good or bad as they say you are.
They Won’t Forget
Emotionally
intelligent people are quick to forgive, but that doesn’t mean that they
forget. Forgiveness requires letting go of what’s happened so that you can move
on. It doesn’t mean you’ll give a wrongdoer another chance. Emotionally
intelligent people are unwilling to be bogged down unnecessarily by others’
mistakes, so they let them go quickly and are assertive in protecting
themselves from future harm.
They Won’t Die in the Fight
Emotionally
intelligent people know how important it is to live to fight another day. In
conflict, unchecked emotion makes you dig your heels in and fight the kind of
battle that can leave you severely damaged. When you read and respond to your
emotions, you’re able to choose your battles wisely and only stand your ground
when the time is right.
They Won’t Prioritize
Perfection
Emotionally
intelligent people won’t set perfection as their target because they know it
doesn’t exist. Human beings, by our very nature, are fallible. When perfection
is your goal, you’re always left with a nagging sense of failure, and you end
up spending your time lamenting what you failed to accomplish and what you
should have done differently instead of enjoying what you were able to achieve.
They Won’t Live in the Past
Failure
can erode your self-confidence and make it hard to believe you’ll achieve a
better outcome in the future. Most of the time, failure results from taking
risks and trying to achieve something that isn’t easy. Emotionally intelligent
people know that success lies in their ability to rise in the face of failure,
and they can’t do this when they’re living in the past. Anything worth
achieving is going to require you to take some risks, and you can’t allow
failure to stop you from believing in your ability to succeed. When you live in
the past, that is exactly what happens, and your past becomes your present,
preventing you from moving forward.
They Won’t Dwell on Problems
Where
you focus your attention determines your emotional state. When you fixate on
the problems that you’re facing, you create and prolong negative emotions and
stress, which hinders performance. When you focus on actions to better yourself
and your circumstances, you create a sense of personal efficacy that produces
positive emotions and improves performance. Emotionally intelligent people won’t
dwell on problems because they know they’re most effective when they focus on
solutions.
They Won’t Hang Around
Negative People
Complainers
are bad news because they wallow in their problems and fail to focus on
solutions. They want people to join their pity party so that they can feel
better about themselves. People often feel pressure to listen to complainers
because they don’t want to be seen as callous or rude, but there’s a fine line
between lending a sympathetic ear and getting sucked into their negative
emotional spiral. You can avoid getting drawn in only by setting limits and
distancing yourself when necessary. Think of it this way: if a person were
smoking, would you sit there all afternoon inhaling the second-hand smoke?
You’d distance yourself, and you should do the same with complainers. A great
way to set limits is to ask complainers how they intend to fix a problem. The
complainer will then either quiet down or redirect the conversation in a
productive direction.
They Won’t Hold Grudges
The
negative emotions that come with holding onto a grudge are actually a stress
response. Just thinking about the event involved sends your body into
fight-or-flight mode. When a threat is imminent, this reaction is essential to
your survival, but when a threat is ancient history, holding onto that stress
wreaks havoc on your body and can have devastating health consequences over
time. In fact, researchers at Emory University have shown that holding onto
stress contributes to high blood pressure and heart disease. Holding onto a
grudge means you’re holding onto stress, and emotionally intelligent people
know to avoid this at all costs. Learning to let go of a grudge will not only
make you feel better now but can also improve your health.
They Won’t Say Yes Unless They
Really Want To
Research
conducted at the University of California in San Francisco shows that the more
difficulty that you have saying no, the more likely you are to experience
stress, burnout, and even depression. Saying no is indeed a major challenge for
most people. “No” is a powerful word that you should not be afraid to wield.
When it’s time to say no, emotionally intelligent people avoid phrases like “I
don’t think I can” or “I’m not certain.” Saying no to a new commitment honors
your existing commitments and gives you the opportunity to successfully fulfill
them.
President
at TalentSmart & coauthor Emotional Intelligence 2.0
https://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20140818190427-50578967-9-things-successful-people-won-t-do
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