10 Words You Should Never Use to
Describe Yourself
Consider
the word "charismatic." If someone called me charismatic, I will be incredibly
flattered (and hugely surprised.) But if I call myself charismatic, you
will think I'm a jerk--and rightly so.
Here
are 10 more words that are awesome when used by others to describe you, but you
should never use to describe yourself:
1.
Generous.
Take
it from Adam Grant, an expert on the subject of giving and taking. Generosity is in the eye
of the beholder.
"Generosity
is earned, not claimed," he writes. "Leave it to other
people to describe you as a giver--that's the highest form of praise."
The
most generous people I know give without fanfare and without seeking accolades.
Their giving is so far under the radar it's subterranean. And they don't
consider themselves to be generous since they're always thinking they could do
more.
All
of us can be more generous than we are. While relative to what others give you
might be more generous than most, if that's the case let other people describe
you that way.
After
all, true generosity is often found in people who are also...
2.
Humble.
But
I'm really not.
Case
in point. Last week, I showed two different people, totally unprompted, a photo
of me with Mark Cuban at GrowCo. (I took a photo of Mark with someone
else
that was actually worthy of comment.) Sure, meeting Mark was cool, but showing
off the photo was definitely a d-- move. (Yep, I've still got a lot of
growing up to do.)
Truly
humble people don't call themselves humble, if only because they're too humble
to ever say it.
3.
Self-disciplined.
Every
remarkably focused person I know readily admits they struggle to stay
disciplined. Why? It's hard to stay on track. It's hard not to go off on
tangents. It's hard not to give in and, to use a football expression, take a
few plays off.
So
you worked really hard and stayed on-task today. Big deal. So you resisted
temptation today. Big deal. Do that for days, for weeks, for months--then come
talk to us.
Self-disciplined
people constantly struggle with self-discipline because they're trying
incredibly hard to stay disciplined. That's why they are the last people
to describe themselves as self-disciplined--they know it's a challenge that
must be met each and every day.
4.
Passionate.
Passion
is never claimed. Passion is displayed. Plus it's really easy to
sound over the top; claim you're passionate about, oh, designing functional
workspaces and you sound just
a bit
hyperbolic.
Here's
a better option. Save your passion for your loved one. That person truly
deserves it.
5.
Witty.
I've
never met anyone who claimed to be witty who didn't also turn out to be
insufferable.
You
may, in fact, be witty. Some people are. This guy is. But you'll never hear him
claim he's witty; he's too busy developing even more great material.
And
if he doesn't call himself witty (or hilarious or entertaining or funny)
then neither should you.
6.
Empathetic.
Empathy
is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others.
That's
great but also almost worthless unless you do something with those
shared feelings: offer support, offer help, offer guidance, offer tough love,
etc. Feeling empathetic is fine, but what you do with that feeling makes all
the difference for the other person.
Claiming
you're empathetic turns a feeling that should be all about another person into
a description that's all about you--which, of course, is completely not the
point.
7.
Fearless.
Everyone's
afraid. If my pal ex-Navy SEAL pal Jeff Boss can admit to having
been scared... hey, we've all been afraid. Besides, courage isn't
the absence of fear. Courage is doing what you need to do in
spite of fear.
So
don't say you're fearless. You're not. Brave? In certain circumstances, maybe.
Courageous? Possibly so. But fearless?
Please.
8.
Straightforward.
Maybe
it's just me, but I read "straightforward" and it sounds similar to
starting a sentence using, "With
all due respect..." Straightforward is usually a code word for rude,
abrasive, disrespectful, or impolite.
Be straightforward all you
want. We'll assess your level of candor by what you say, not by what you call
yourself.
9.
Adaptable.
I
hate to whip out a cliché, but the only constant is change. Nothing--no industry,
no market, no job, no, um, nothing--stays the same. We all have to be
adaptable.
Like
Chris Rock says, never take credit for things you're
supposed to be.
10. Independent.
Self-reliance is a good thing. The ability to take care of
yourself, to function without too much help or assistance, is a good thing.
But that's now how most people use
the word. Most people describe themselves as independent as a way to cover for
being terrible team players, or for not knowing how to follow as well as to
lead, or even as an excuse for not playing well in sandboxes.
After all, "It's not that I
don't get along with other people. I'm just independent!"
BY Jeff Haden http://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/10-words-you-should-never-use-to-describe-yourself.html?cid=em01016week23c
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