The Only 3 Things That Make Us Truly
Miserable
We tend to think that a lot of things make us unhappy: how little
we earn based on how much we give; the stupid things our cubicle mate Sarah
says (which stick in our head like the lyrics of the latest Taylor Swift song);
or the fact that we didn’t achieve that "perfect" body yet again this
year.
Turns out, whatever makes us miserable can be bucketed into just
three categories. Yep, just three.
Where might your current struggle fit?
1. You think conditions always need to go your way.
So you don’t have the weather you want for your wedding. Or
there’s a traffic delay on your way to a meeting. Or you didn’t get the job you
applied for even though your resume was a perfect fit, dammit…
Hey—it’s OK! Life isn’t a string of dominoes with wins falling in
easy succession. If there is one guarantee in this world, it’s that you will
not always get what you want. Can you perhaps just be OK with that?
One way to make this easier when you’re in a moment of frustration
or sadness or fear, is to ask, “When did something else going wrong actually
work out for me?” And really think about it. For at least three minutes. Talk
it out with a trusty, supportive friend if you can if it’s a bigger issue.
Maybe it was a romantic relationship that went awry. Or an
apartment lease that fell through at the last minute. Or an anticipated promotion
that never arrived. Did something better show up later, or did it nudge you in
a new, happier direction? I betcha it did! You can’t change the fluid nature of
life, but you can change your fluid and flexible vibe.
2. You feel people have to treat you a certain way.
Like the crabby waiter who leaves you hanging with a menu for 15
minutes. Or your competitive friend who loves to make subtle digs at you. Even
your boss who doesn’t notice your late work nights and doesn’t even give you a
“good morning” some days. It can hurt. It can feel unfair. It can be maddening.
The truth is, people do not have to treat us the way we expect
them to. The same way we do not have to behave the way others expect us to. Can
you imagine if you did? Man, I would still be living with my mum and working at
the bakery I used to sell cakes at when I was 14. (They never wanted me to
leave: I’d always upsell a Fanta with a tuna sandwich—the profit’s in the
soda.)
Other people’s decisions, actions, and attitude are 100 percent
out of our control. When we lose the expectation of this, something
transformative takes place. We kinda stop caring. We feel free to focus on
ourselves, while other people focus on themselves.
We can live and let live. And day-um that feels nice. Your sister
can keep dating that loser and text you complaints about him. Your colleagues
can gossip about you (“go for your life, as$holes!”) And you can respond
however feels fair to you. Because no one owes anyone anything.
3. You believe the myth that you’re not doing well enough.
This might be the biggest one of all. As a life coach who coaches
some pretty darn successful CEOs, they all—without exception—feel they fall
short in some way. Some feel a financial gap with their competitors. Some feel
inexperienced as a leader. Others feel their ideas are never executed with
complete satisfaction.
The same goes for parents. For athletes. For bloggers. For
everyone. When was the last time you heard someone say, “Man, I am just really
winning at life. Isn’t it fun and easy?” That might not be possible most days,
but could you ever just say to yourself, “Hey, I’m doing OK. Whoever said I
have to handle every task in my life perfectly? That would be crazy. I’ve come
a long way. I’ve survived everything that has ever happened to me so far. I’m
proud of myself.”
How far have you come in the last 12 months? Really think about
it. What have you learned? What new things have you tried? Who have you met?
You are doing better than you think. Give yourself a break!
The next time something goes wrong, think, in which category does
this fall? Maybe a date you were excited about got canceled (and you even
bought a new outfit). Perhaps a stranger or a relative was rude to you or you
got left out of a project that you wanted to be part of. Maybe you hear about
another person’s pay raise and start to feel inadequate.
That’s OK! Stuff goes wrong. But it’s not the stuff we need to
fix, it’s ourselves and our bounce back—period. And whenever you’re feeling
low, remember, no matter what, it’s always just a matter of time before
something goes right.
https://greatist.com/live/only-3-things-make-us-truly-miserable?utm_source=CM&utm_medium=email&utm_content=story1_cta&utm_campaign=daily_newsletter_2017-11-22_testB_20160817
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