MOMPRENEURS ON
HOW THEY DO IT ALL
List your goals, don’t shy away from asking for help and other tips from those who’ve learnt how to balance their work and home lives well
Pepisco CEO Indra
Nooyi’s refreshingly honest admission about the challenges faced by working
mothers was much talked about a few years ago. “Every day you have to make a
decision about whether you are going to be a wife or a mother, in fact many
times during the day you have to make those decisions,” Nooyi told the owner of
The Atlantic at the Aspen Ideas Festival.
Indian women knew exactly what she was talking about. For here, women must still make the most sacrifices when it comes to balancing their family and career responsibilities. Childcare is certainly seen as a woman’s responsibility, as evidenced in Indian law. The government recently mandated a six-month maternity leave for working mothers, but employers are still not legally bound to offer paternity leave — obviously, parenting is still seen as the mother’s job. Cultural expectations burden female entrepreneurs. It doesn’t just mean more work on their plate, that comes with an ample side serving of guilt, which Nooyi also spoke about back then.
She explained, “When you have to have kids you have to build your career. Just as you’re rising to middle management your kids need you because they’re teenagers… And that’s the time your husband becomes a teenager too, so he needs you (laughing). And as you grow even more, your parents need you because they’re ageing. So we’re screwed.”
Given all they’ve had to shoulder while they worked their way up the professional ladder, mommies with successful careers know what it takes to strike the right work and home life balance. The Mommy Network, a members-only network for working mothers, is hosting a discussion on how they do it on August 3 at Verbena BrewPub at Kamala Mills in Mumbai. Ahead of the event, some of the panelists share their stories.
Support systems are vital
A Business Administration graduate from Kingston University, Tejal Bajla, now 35, quit her job as a private banker with a leading global financial services firm when she was seven months pregnant in 2012. Four years later, Bajla went on to found Brainsmith, an early learning start-up. She says that she learnt the importance of family support when her son Armaan was still a toddler.
“I took the decision of giving up work to focus on bringing up my son for the first three years of his life. It was great for him but the decision took a toll on me. I was depressed, but still felt I should wait for an additional two years before getting back to work. My husband Amit, an entrepreneur himself, advised me against that, reminding me that my skills would get outdated. He became my mentor and helped me set up my entire infrastructure,” says Bajla, who co-founded The Mommy Network in 2016. The group’s express purpose is to allow working mothers to network in order to grow their businesses.
Thirty-nine-year-old Mumbai resident Farah Nathani Menzies is the mother of two girls, Kiara and Alena. Menzies, who has an MBA from Harvard Business School, didn’t want her children to be raised by housekeepers. “When we got pregnant, my husband Robert and I moved back to India from the UK. We live close to where my parents live so my mom can help me with the kids. Besides, Robert splits the responsibilities of child rearing. While I put the younger one to bed, he puts the older one to bed. He feeds one, I feed the other.” Her husband’s constant support, she says, allowed her to co-found The Mumum Co, a company that creates wholesome snacks for children.
Menzies, who works out of her partner Shreya Lamba’s home office, adds, “Having a working mum as a co-founder — someone who is on the same page as you — is an added advantage. We step in for each other,” she says.
Mumbai-based restaurateur Aditi Dugar, is a self-confessed workaholic who worked feverishly right until two days before the launch of her high-end Mahalakshmi restaurant Masque, on September 20, 2016 “because I delivered my youngest son Aaryaveer on September 18.” She actually went into pre-term labour “because of the stress I put my body through,” and delivered Aaryaveer a full month before the due date. “I switched off from work for the first three months after delivery and my husband Aditya, a jeweller, took over. Incredibly, he stopped going to his office and did my job. My sister and parents were also there for me in every way possible,” Dugar recalls.
Coping with the guilt
“When your child begs you not to go to work and to stay home with him or her, it’s heartbreaking,” says Menzies. “The way I explained it to my son is that everyone has a duty. A child’s duty is to go to school to learn and play and discover things, and an adult’s is to work,” she says, telling us that while she resumed work six months after the birth of her son, “the first two years are seriously tough.”
Bajla and her husband dealt with this by having a heart-to-heart chat with their son Armaan when he was three. “We told him that if a clever person sits around idly, the spark of intelligence dies, and of course he does not want that to happen to his mother.” All too familiar with the pangs of guilt, Bajla says it’s important to quash them as, “Accomplishing your life goals will make you a happier person and, consequently, a better parent. Your child also learns to be independent faster because you’re not around to mollycoddle them.”
Guilt is a state of mind, says Dugar. “I consciously switch off from home while I’m at work,” she says. To make up, she takes an annual holiday with her sons. “It’s just them and me for seven days, no husband.”
Make time for the things that matter
Making time for everything is always a struggle, but Menzies cautions against neglecting yourself in the struggle to accommodate the demands of your work and your family. This country, she says, affords unique conveniences that parents struggling with packed schedules can avail of. “I do yoga at least twice a week — it helps me stay sane. Earlier, I would go to classes, now I do it at home so the kids can still be around me.”
Bajla says it’s important to relax the rules a little. “Flexibility is a must for working parents. It’s wise to accept that sometimes you will not be able to stick to schedules or make it to some meetings, and that’s OK. The important thing is for it to not become a pattern.”
Stay focused
At the beginning of the year, Menzies chalks down her goals, both personal and professional; she recommends doing this and revisiting the list intermittently through the year. “I wanted to pick up Kiara from school once or twice a week — this is when we bond as she tells me about school. I also wanted to dedicate one night a week to connecting with my husband.”
Dugar adds, “Having a list of goals is important because you have an overview and can chalk out a calendar accordingly. You can share this with your business partner so there are no surprises for anyone along the way.”
Ask for help
According to Bajla, “Working parents must realise that it’s perfectly acceptable to ask for help when you need it and to lean on those close to you. Initially, if I needed to leave home for a meeting but couldn’t leave Armaan at home alone, I hesitated to ask anyone for help, including my mother. Often this stems from a fear of being judged. Now, I have five lean-on moms who I can rely on in any emergency and vice-versa.”
Not everyone has family around that they can rely on for help, so it’s a good idea to form a support group of like-minded people. Networking with other parents allows you to trade notes and learn from each other’s mistakes. Asking for help is tough because it requires you to swallow your pride, but when you have a support group, you needn’t think of it as depending on someone, it’s more like trading.
Indian women knew exactly what she was talking about. For here, women must still make the most sacrifices when it comes to balancing their family and career responsibilities. Childcare is certainly seen as a woman’s responsibility, as evidenced in Indian law. The government recently mandated a six-month maternity leave for working mothers, but employers are still not legally bound to offer paternity leave — obviously, parenting is still seen as the mother’s job. Cultural expectations burden female entrepreneurs. It doesn’t just mean more work on their plate, that comes with an ample side serving of guilt, which Nooyi also spoke about back then.
She explained, “When you have to have kids you have to build your career. Just as you’re rising to middle management your kids need you because they’re teenagers… And that’s the time your husband becomes a teenager too, so he needs you (laughing). And as you grow even more, your parents need you because they’re ageing. So we’re screwed.”
Given all they’ve had to shoulder while they worked their way up the professional ladder, mommies with successful careers know what it takes to strike the right work and home life balance. The Mommy Network, a members-only network for working mothers, is hosting a discussion on how they do it on August 3 at Verbena BrewPub at Kamala Mills in Mumbai. Ahead of the event, some of the panelists share their stories.
Support systems are vital
A Business Administration graduate from Kingston University, Tejal Bajla, now 35, quit her job as a private banker with a leading global financial services firm when she was seven months pregnant in 2012. Four years later, Bajla went on to found Brainsmith, an early learning start-up. She says that she learnt the importance of family support when her son Armaan was still a toddler.
“I took the decision of giving up work to focus on bringing up my son for the first three years of his life. It was great for him but the decision took a toll on me. I was depressed, but still felt I should wait for an additional two years before getting back to work. My husband Amit, an entrepreneur himself, advised me against that, reminding me that my skills would get outdated. He became my mentor and helped me set up my entire infrastructure,” says Bajla, who co-founded The Mommy Network in 2016. The group’s express purpose is to allow working mothers to network in order to grow their businesses.
Thirty-nine-year-old Mumbai resident Farah Nathani Menzies is the mother of two girls, Kiara and Alena. Menzies, who has an MBA from Harvard Business School, didn’t want her children to be raised by housekeepers. “When we got pregnant, my husband Robert and I moved back to India from the UK. We live close to where my parents live so my mom can help me with the kids. Besides, Robert splits the responsibilities of child rearing. While I put the younger one to bed, he puts the older one to bed. He feeds one, I feed the other.” Her husband’s constant support, she says, allowed her to co-found The Mumum Co, a company that creates wholesome snacks for children.
Menzies, who works out of her partner Shreya Lamba’s home office, adds, “Having a working mum as a co-founder — someone who is on the same page as you — is an added advantage. We step in for each other,” she says.
Mumbai-based restaurateur Aditi Dugar, is a self-confessed workaholic who worked feverishly right until two days before the launch of her high-end Mahalakshmi restaurant Masque, on September 20, 2016 “because I delivered my youngest son Aaryaveer on September 18.” She actually went into pre-term labour “because of the stress I put my body through,” and delivered Aaryaveer a full month before the due date. “I switched off from work for the first three months after delivery and my husband Aditya, a jeweller, took over. Incredibly, he stopped going to his office and did my job. My sister and parents were also there for me in every way possible,” Dugar recalls.
Coping with the guilt
“When your child begs you not to go to work and to stay home with him or her, it’s heartbreaking,” says Menzies. “The way I explained it to my son is that everyone has a duty. A child’s duty is to go to school to learn and play and discover things, and an adult’s is to work,” she says, telling us that while she resumed work six months after the birth of her son, “the first two years are seriously tough.”
Bajla and her husband dealt with this by having a heart-to-heart chat with their son Armaan when he was three. “We told him that if a clever person sits around idly, the spark of intelligence dies, and of course he does not want that to happen to his mother.” All too familiar with the pangs of guilt, Bajla says it’s important to quash them as, “Accomplishing your life goals will make you a happier person and, consequently, a better parent. Your child also learns to be independent faster because you’re not around to mollycoddle them.”
Guilt is a state of mind, says Dugar. “I consciously switch off from home while I’m at work,” she says. To make up, she takes an annual holiday with her sons. “It’s just them and me for seven days, no husband.”
Make time for the things that matter
Making time for everything is always a struggle, but Menzies cautions against neglecting yourself in the struggle to accommodate the demands of your work and your family. This country, she says, affords unique conveniences that parents struggling with packed schedules can avail of. “I do yoga at least twice a week — it helps me stay sane. Earlier, I would go to classes, now I do it at home so the kids can still be around me.”
Bajla says it’s important to relax the rules a little. “Flexibility is a must for working parents. It’s wise to accept that sometimes you will not be able to stick to schedules or make it to some meetings, and that’s OK. The important thing is for it to not become a pattern.”
Stay focused
At the beginning of the year, Menzies chalks down her goals, both personal and professional; she recommends doing this and revisiting the list intermittently through the year. “I wanted to pick up Kiara from school once or twice a week — this is when we bond as she tells me about school. I also wanted to dedicate one night a week to connecting with my husband.”
Dugar adds, “Having a list of goals is important because you have an overview and can chalk out a calendar accordingly. You can share this with your business partner so there are no surprises for anyone along the way.”
Ask for help
According to Bajla, “Working parents must realise that it’s perfectly acceptable to ask for help when you need it and to lean on those close to you. Initially, if I needed to leave home for a meeting but couldn’t leave Armaan at home alone, I hesitated to ask anyone for help, including my mother. Often this stems from a fear of being judged. Now, I have five lean-on moms who I can rely on in any emergency and vice-versa.”
Not everyone has family around that they can rely on for help, so it’s a good idea to form a support group of like-minded people. Networking with other parents allows you to trade notes and learn from each other’s mistakes. Asking for help is tough because it requires you to swallow your pride, but when you have a support group, you needn’t think of it as depending on someone, it’s more like trading.
By: Anil
Sadarangani
MM 25JUL17
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