RELATIONSHIP SPECIAL ......................KEEP YOUR DIGNITY INTACT!

KEEP YOUR DIGNITY INTACT!





Stop chipping off bits of yourself to please another, or to keep a relationship going. It will boomerang

A yearning for dignity lies at the core of our desires and aspirations. This is the single strongest force that shapes all relationships and interactions ­ personal, social or professional. Each of us wants to be treated well and with dignity.

Indeed, the amount of indignity you give in to is a measure of your lack of selfworth, while what you can give up to maintain your dignity is an indication of maturity and self-confidence. How many times have you given in to demands that go against your grain just to `maintain the peace' or keep a relationship going? How many times have you set aside dignity and chased after someone who refuses to receive your calls, answer texts or meet you?
Have you given in to abuse in the belief that you deserved it, or hoping the abuser will repent? Have you made choices you do not believe in just to please others? Or, submitted to unfairness at office because you need the job?
In all these choices, you gave short shrift to your own sense of self-esteem. Whatever else the consequence, giving up your dignity can never bring you happiness or satisfaction. What's worse, when you set aside your self-esteem to give in to someone, you are helping set a pattern you will be expected to repeat. And this will slowly erode your sense of self-respect and pride completely, leaving you bitter and dissatisfied.

To maintain mutual respect in a relationship, it is important to draw your boundaries. Particularly in intimate relationships, where you are most vulnerable. We hear that true love pre-supposes trust, but good sense and experience warn against exposing your chinks and being over-familiar. Dignity and a little distance even in the closest of relationships never harmed anyone; we all need our spaces to withdraw to.

Very often we compromise our dignity without realising we are doing so. Certain practices are unacceptable. There can be no excuse, no second chances for violence and abuse, for instance. When you start planning your day around the activities of another person, trying to accommodate his or her schedule and idiosyncrasies, you are losing dignity. When you start telling a loved one what he or she wishes to hear rather than what you really wish to say, when you start changing your behaviour to suit another ­ you are harming not just your own dignity, but also his or hers. In allowing another to evaluate you, you are undervaluing your own self.

How can you ensure your dignity remains intact and your relationship healthy? Communication is critical. You have to draw the lines right from the beginning, politely and firmly taking stands on issues, which, however small, have the potential of blowing up later. It is, after all, minor irritants that ultimately bring down the best of relationships. And when a relationship is not allowing you to be true to yourself and eroding your self-esteem, be assured it will cause immense distress as time goes on.

Dignity is the absolute last sacrifice anyone should ever be asked to make, because it erodes one's very core, wiping out one's identity. Do not exchange dignity for anything else you may think you need badly; it will boomerang in the long-term. And yet, there are those amongst us who willingly make this sacrifice daily, letting go a bit of themselves slowly over the years, till a cynicism and bitterness sets in ­ surprising the receiver in the relationship by its sudden appearance and depth. A man who believed in the sacrificial, serving avatar he demanded of and got from you through life is shocked by your sudden need to assert yourself.

Whenever called upon to take a tough decision -personal or professional -if you keep this one thing, your dignity, sacrosanct, you will never regret the choices you made because you will have been true to yourself. If ever in doubt, it would help to think about some dignified individuals you know and ask yourselves what they would have done in your place. Weigh the answer in the present context and take your decision; one that doesn't require you to break a chip off your core.

vinitadawra nangia

TL24MAY15