Single but not desperate to mingle
Pooja, an attractive Marwari girl,
lives life on her terms. Personally, she is comfortable with her 40+ single
status; professionally, she is working her way up at a foreign bank. But, every
morning, along with her clothes, she has to slip on her ‘don’t mess with me’
attitude which helps ward off those routine unwanted advances from men (often
times married!) for whom ‘being single’ is synonymous with ‘being available’.
Growing up in the small dusty town of Bareilly, better known for its pagalkhana, she was always an achiever — school topper at ICSE, gold medalist from Delhi University and an MBA from XLRI. Naturally, she settled for an engineer plus MBA type with a good Singapore job, a prospect meticulously arranged by a network of relatives. And that is how she ended up with a banking career and a failed marriage. (He snored, followed his mother’s dictum, lost heavily in the stock market and came home to slumberland). Pretty soon, she was out of there, with a lot of family support and very little alimony.
In 2008, with the global financial world just beginning to fall apart Pooja felt it was time to explore the emerging market potential of India. Mumbai seemed the perfect choice — cosmopolitan and energetic. But living as a single working woman in Mumbai was going to be a bit of a shocker.
Firstly, why can’t people mind their own business? The over-friendly aunty next door, wanted to adopt her like her ‘beti’ and had the irksome habit of barging in early Saturday mornings on the pretext of sharing some homemade poha and ladoo, but in fact unleashing a verbal diarrhea of very personal questions. Then there are the men at work trying to hook her up with their imaginary friends — an interesting proposition she would consider, only if they were genuine and not driven by their proclivity to gossip and pry. Finally, there was the idiotic client fancying a relationship beyond work just because she invited him for a lunch.
She says it is a misconception that single women find it easier to network after hours just because they don’t have to rush home to demanding husbands and kids. She cautions young single girls about letting their hair down at office parties as it invariably leads to frivolous gossip no matter how professional they may be at work. Meanwhile, in the more senior and staid circles, she finds herself excluded as most evenings are family affairs with spouses and kids. She really misses those weekly drinks at the bar round the corner in her London days where she could mingle with office peers in a casual and relaxed manner.
She says Indian men are still stuck in their mother’s era. They are often too insecure to appreciate the talents of a single woman and end up intimidated rather than accepting of her as an equal. There isn’t too much scope of finding a partner through work. The options are limited to lesser-educated, pot-bellied men from business families who are quite likely to ask, ‘Will you work after marriage?’ — only a marginal improvement over ‘Do you know how to cook?’ And then she tells me of this most unromantic approach of a work colleague who kept asking her if he could send her flowers and, by the way, the flowers are yet to arrive.
I ask her how she would rate different cities on various aspects of life — New York tops the ranks for singles, London on shopping and style, Singapore and Hong Kong on safety. I needle her to give Mumbai some credit and she gives an impish smile and confides that the only thing that gets Mumbai the top slot is the affordable spa treatment right at one’s doorstep — the perfect way to spend a Sunday morning and exfoliating men’s old fashioned workplace attitudes!
Growing up in the small dusty town of Bareilly, better known for its pagalkhana, she was always an achiever — school topper at ICSE, gold medalist from Delhi University and an MBA from XLRI. Naturally, she settled for an engineer plus MBA type with a good Singapore job, a prospect meticulously arranged by a network of relatives. And that is how she ended up with a banking career and a failed marriage. (He snored, followed his mother’s dictum, lost heavily in the stock market and came home to slumberland). Pretty soon, she was out of there, with a lot of family support and very little alimony.
In 2008, with the global financial world just beginning to fall apart Pooja felt it was time to explore the emerging market potential of India. Mumbai seemed the perfect choice — cosmopolitan and energetic. But living as a single working woman in Mumbai was going to be a bit of a shocker.
Firstly, why can’t people mind their own business? The over-friendly aunty next door, wanted to adopt her like her ‘beti’ and had the irksome habit of barging in early Saturday mornings on the pretext of sharing some homemade poha and ladoo, but in fact unleashing a verbal diarrhea of very personal questions. Then there are the men at work trying to hook her up with their imaginary friends — an interesting proposition she would consider, only if they were genuine and not driven by their proclivity to gossip and pry. Finally, there was the idiotic client fancying a relationship beyond work just because she invited him for a lunch.
She says it is a misconception that single women find it easier to network after hours just because they don’t have to rush home to demanding husbands and kids. She cautions young single girls about letting their hair down at office parties as it invariably leads to frivolous gossip no matter how professional they may be at work. Meanwhile, in the more senior and staid circles, she finds herself excluded as most evenings are family affairs with spouses and kids. She really misses those weekly drinks at the bar round the corner in her London days where she could mingle with office peers in a casual and relaxed manner.
She says Indian men are still stuck in their mother’s era. They are often too insecure to appreciate the talents of a single woman and end up intimidated rather than accepting of her as an equal. There isn’t too much scope of finding a partner through work. The options are limited to lesser-educated, pot-bellied men from business families who are quite likely to ask, ‘Will you work after marriage?’ — only a marginal improvement over ‘Do you know how to cook?’ And then she tells me of this most unromantic approach of a work colleague who kept asking her if he could send her flowers and, by the way, the flowers are yet to arrive.
I ask her how she would rate different cities on various aspects of life — New York tops the ranks for singles, London on shopping and style, Singapore and Hong Kong on safety. I needle her to give Mumbai some credit and she gives an impish smile and confides that the only thing that gets Mumbai the top slot is the affordable spa treatment right at one’s doorstep — the perfect way to spend a Sunday morning and exfoliating men’s old fashioned workplace attitudes!
2 comments:
Had fun reading this!!! Somehow, I always wonder how men feel about articles such as above which criticize them to no end..
I could summon the courage to type this comment as very recently,we have been taught about the 'evils of stereotyping':)
Gauri,
When you need to express a view, JUST DO IT!
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