7 Perfect
Replies to (Politely) Shut Down Negative People
Up until very recently, I’ve had two
techniques for dealing with negative co-workers and colleagues. Full disclosure: Neither of them
ever worked.
First, I tried avoiding negative people. I
was never rude, but if someone was always venting, I wouldn’t engage in
conversations with him or her.
This strategy led me to miss out on important
relationships with people who, complaints aside, were good to know. So next, I
tried commiserating with the venters. When people started their spiel, I’d join
in, either by getting annoyed on their behalf or offering complaints of my own.
Not only was this bad for my mood, but it encouraged people to keep grumbling
around me.
So I finally figured out a third way to deal:
responding to unhappy statements in a way that shut down the pessimism while
still keeping the conversation alive.
(Note: I reserve this strategy for people who
whine non-stop, not those who speak up when there’s an issue.)
Here are the seven responses I use with
people who always seem to have something negative to say.
1. “I’m Sorry to Hear That. Did Anything Good Come out of
the Situation?”
This response shows empathy while redirecting
the person’s thoughts in a more upbeat direction. If he or she says, “No,
nothing!” then you can frown sympathetically and change the subject.
Do note that you definitely don’t want to be
the one to point out a specific silver lining. If you do, it can put the other
person on the defensive, making him or her feel obligated to prove why the
situation is still sucky (despite the apparent bright side).
2. “Wow, That Sucks. But I’m Pretty Impressed With How
Positive You’ve Managed to Stay About the Whole Thing.”
In the same way that telling people that
they’re really hard workers motivates them to work harder and live up to that
reputation, commenting on someone’s “impressive” fortitude incentivizes them to
be less negative.
3. “Ooh. How Do You Typically Handle That?”
Asking about coping strategies will
automatically put people in problem-solving mode. And since no one wants to
say, “I don’t know how to handle this,” you’re almost guaranteed to get a
positive response.
4. “If Only [Name] Had the Experience/Wisdom/Work Ethic
That You Did!”
When colleagues are venting to me about
others, this line not only flatters, but encourages them to acknowledge where
the other person’s coming from. The combination of perspective and flattery
usually goes a long way.
5. “Please, Correct Me if I’m Wrong, But It Sounds Like
You’re Upset Because...”
Some people just won’t let it go until you’ve
heard them out. For these folks, I’ll just repeat their main grievances back to
them. This lets them feel heard, but since I’m not adding anything new, they
eventually run out of steam.
6. “Oh Gosh. Well, I’m Sure You’d Rather Talk About
Something Happier. What Else Is New in Your World?”
With this reply, you force the other person
to move on to a less gloomy topic. After all, what else can he or she say: “No,
I actually don’t want to talk about something happier?”
7. “Is There Anything I Can Do?”
While you shouldn’t offer to step in unless
you can actually follow through, most of the time, the venter won’t take you up
on your offer. Instead, he or she will usually say, “No, that’s okay,” or, “I
don’t think there’s anything you can do,” at which point you can reply,
“Definitely let me know!” and then transition to something else.
Dealing with negative people is no one’s idea
of a good time. But now, you don’t have to walk away quickly when you see them
in the kitchen or at a networking party—you can stroll right up and start
talking with the knowledge that if they start venting, you’ve got seven options
for combating their pessimism.
By Aja Frost
https://www.themuse.com/advice/7-perfect-replies-to-politely-shut-down-negative-people?utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=daily_20170324&utm_source=blueshift&bsft_eid=c27b5547-640b-460a-8d5c-45d6caf2cdab&bsft_pid=94f0c5ab-7254-49f1-a706-d7eeb559c3be&bsft_clkid=fd6351fe-5f90-4cdc-b5a6-b3844a50b3fb&bsft_uid=d4f9562c-4347-49cb-9544-373dd1f2b1f3&bsft_mid=c1d2045c-fae7-421d-b48a-ef56d0939732&bsft_pp=3&p=3
No comments:
Post a Comment