MARRIAGE..VOWS OWN AND DIFFERENT

SAYING `I DO ON THEIR OWN TERMS
Young couples are writing their own wedding vows as they seek to personalise weddings, lay down some ground rules
For some, it's the dream of recreating that perfect, tearjerker Hollywood wedding. For others, it's an attempt to bring ancient ceremonies into the 21st century. Still others just want to ensure everyone's on the same page right from the start.
For various reasons, Indian couples are increasingly writing their own vows reciting them during the wedding pooja mouthing them to each other silently during their pheras, or calling them out amid giggles at the reception.
“The trend has been brought here by NRIs,“ says wedding planner Candice Pereira, co-founder of Marry Me Weddings. “Personalised wedding vows are, of course, a phenomenon in the West.“
Ironically, the practice is catching on not among Christians but mainly within the Hindu community, since the Church in India is fairly strict about retaining the official vows.
In the Hindu ceremonies too, the original vows remain, the priest chanting them in Sanskrit as is the norm and couples adding their own promises later.
“Most couples don't understand the Arabic and Sanskrit vows, so it's about time people began exchanging their own promises,“ says sociologist Kamala Ganesh. “Some of the vows also date back to a more patriarchal time, and are therefore more one-sided. With changing times, there is a need to include new vows for the new Indian woman.“
Marriage counsellor Deepti Makhija says the personalised vows also help young couples, especially those in arranged marriages, verbalise exa ly what they expect from their new arrangement -such as personal space or mutual respect for each other's families. “When you create your own vows, you also tend to take more responsibility for fulfilling them,“ says Makhija.
(Riddhi Doshi HT 30O1011)