Some amount of intuitive choice of the right mate is ingrained in us, but the selection of a life partner requires far more strategising than most are willing to invest
MOST of us invest far more energy and strategy in choosing things such as a car, a house, or a holiday package than we do in selecting a life partner. Though it is de rigeur to be extra careful about your choice of vegetable, meal, restaurant, shoe or outfit, it is considered indecorous to strategise for the selection of the right spouse!
Such a critical decision of life is left to Destiny, or at best, the vagaries of the heart!
Charles Darwin proved more than 150 years ago that animals’ choice of mating partner isn’t random, but a deliberate, well-worked out process that ensures and influences evolutionary patterns.
The female of any animal species will not submit to just any male, but will be very selective and attentive to her choice. It is not by chance that even amongst animals, it is the best looking and strongest of the males that get their choice of females. A female looks out for the strongest of the contenders and a male looks for healthy females in order to pass on genes to the next generation.
The process is no different in humans, whatever we may imagine.
Women are naturally attracted to healthy, strong men who can be good providers. A successful man, or one who is dynamic and ambitious, and so poised for success, attracts a woman.
Men are attracted to women with a waist-hip ratio of about 70 per cent —actually an indicator of high fertility in a woman.
So, even without our realising it, there is some sort of sexual strategy naturally ingrained in our DNA!
The heart may know no reason, but our instinct certainly does! It is another matter, however, that sometimes we close our mind and heart to the signals that instinct may hand out and make the mistake of imagining things will work out once we start living together.
What to look for!
In order to identify the perfect mate for you, it is important to understand yourself. Before embarking on this critical quest, you need to have a clear idea of the kind of life you wish to lead.
Are you looking for someone who can be a counterfoil for your dynamic energy and restlessness, someone who can keep you grounded and build a steady home for you?
Are you looking for someone who can give you the required impetus, some encouragement and that one push to help you on in life?
Are you looking at bettering your material circumstances or shoring up your emotional fronts?
Are you attracted by a life that takes you round the globe or would you rather strike root in one place?
Once you understand what your triggers are, it is easier to identify people who would make good potential partners for you.
How frustrating it would be if you are forced to kill your dreams or are stifled in a relationship that requires you to take paths contrary to your urges!
Communication is essential. Common areas of differences and clashes should be discussed with a potential partner and understood before launching onto a life together. Areas such as religion, finances, children, career, living within a joint family or independently are key issues that may lead to clashes.
Do not turn a deaf ear to anything negative you may hear about your potential partner at this stage, nor turn a blind eye to any flaw you can see clearly.
Sometimes, a process of elimination is a great way of working backwards towards a choice.
The logic you employ for elimination reveals a lot about you and helps arrive at great conclusions about what you really want!
Identify values and characteristics that hold the utmost importance for you.
Can you live with a partner who is dishonest or has no sense of integrity?
Can you tolerate living with someone who has no sense of humour?
Someone to whom a job is just a way of earning a living?
Someone changeable?
Someone who is cruel or uncharitable?
Someone who may be honest but will not stand up for another?
Cold and calculating?
Do not be rushed into a choice. This is probably the most critical decision you are likely to make in your life and you cannot be pushed to decide either way. It takes a long time to understand another human being, particularly because during the initial phases of a relationship, one is on one’s best behavior. For your part, be as open and honest as you can from the beginning.
Do not play down your own needs and requirements, and be clear about where you draw the lines.
To me, the most important points to consider in the choice of life partner would be…
Basic values and core beliefs
A match in level of intelligence and emotional needs
Ability to arouse respect Level of ambition and style of living
Vision and dreams about the future and
Level of commitment to make the marriage work!
-- (vinita.nangiaTL 9OCT11)
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